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188 THE PORTRAIT.
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.
Chapter Iii. A Few Days After The Imluck...
. ranee-of his movements . It "was therefore with , disappointment in heart that I journeyed home .
my This was all I had acquired by seeing * the world ! I likewise perceived that the rich widow did not quite regard me as her equal ,
and this knowledge jarred against my self-respect . Sarah Dermid was the only one who unfeignedly regretted my leaving her , as , to
use her own words , "I had become just like one of themselves . " I was warmly welcomed back by my kind aunt , whose tiny cottage
was now to be my future home . Small indeed it appeared in comarison with our Parisian hotelor my late domicile in the Regent ' s
p Park ; nevertheless , it was more , in unison with my prospects , and created no painful contrast to my real position , which had frequently
been felt by me when surrounded by the almost Eastern luxury in which relaxing atmosphere I had passed more tlian a whole year .
I had need of a more bracing influence , and of a severer mode of living than that to which I had succumbed during my visit to my
rich cousin . It is so pleasant and easy to indulge ourselves when every
inducement is held out for that purpose ; and it is folly to imagine that resistance can be effectively sustained in the midst of
allurements , unless we arm ourselves with stern resolves to choose the rugged path . And more than thisunless a strong moral purpose
_endues us with strength of will to , carry on our conflict , nine of us out of ten will return to our luxuries and our comforts , with the
miserable confession on our lips " that the flesh is weak . " This being the truthit is well for the feeble in resolution , that another
sort of force is broug , ht to bear upon them : the irresistible force of necessity compelling them , for the good of their souls , to sojourn
for a time in the wilderness of difficulties . This force was at my heels I began therefore to preparementally and physically , for
strugg ; le and exertion . Couches of , down , servants at command , -sumptuously adorned apartments , carriages , horses , and all the pomp
of wealth , are but sorry preparations for a life of hard work . To ive up our carriage for a monthwhen we know it can be
re-ordered g the next , is nothing ; the same , with dress , houses , and retinue j self-imposed penances are often little more than a species
of self-deception—pleasant illusions , under which we hug the idea of being extra rihteousspiritualand charitable . The cross we
carry at pleasure is g no cross , at all . , It is the iron cross of necessity , the cross we cannot remove from our shouldersthe cross we must
, take with us wherever we go , and work with , its weight upon us , which is the true one .
I will not say how many weeks rolled past before I could conscientiously declare that I was perfectl " y reconciled to the tiny
cottage and our village girl for a " help , " or even to our oldfashioned town itselfwith its one wide street and market-place . It
• seemed in an unaccountable , manner to have diminished in size , and
to have lost a full moiety of its inhabitants ; the tower of the
188 The Portrait.
188 THE PORTRAIT .
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Citation
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English Woman’s Journal (1858-1864), May 1, 1861, page 188, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/ewj/issues/ewj_01051861/page/44/
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