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Untitled Article
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Untitled Article
Were I some fifteen years younger , or twenty , Master Gandolfo , I'd unbaptize myself , On purpose not to be called John . I never Can do a single thing in the way of business , Nor set out fast enough from my own door ,, But half a dozen people are calling after me ; Though , when I turn , it isn ' t me ; such crowds Are issuing forth , named John , at the same moment . 'Tis an express insult ; a mere public scandal . Clergymen , lawyers , pedants ., —not a soul , But his name ' s John . You shall not see a face ,
Looking like what it is , a simpleton ' s , — Barber ' s , porkman ' s , or tooth-drawer ' s , —but the fellow Seems by his look to be a John , —and is one ! I verily think , that the first man who cried Boil'd apples or maccaroni , was a John ; And so was he who found out roasted chestnuts , And how to eat cucumbers , and new cheese .
By heavens ! I'd rather be a German ; nay , I'd almost said a Frenchman ; nay , a Jew , And be called Matthew , or Bartholomew , Or some such beast , —or Simon . Really people Who christen people , ought to pause a little ,
And think what they ' re about . —O you who love me , Don ' t call me John , for Gods sake ; or at least , If you must call me so , call it me softly ; For as to mentioning the name out loud , You might as well call after one like a dog , — Whistle , and snap your fingers , and cry " Here , boy . "
Think of the name of John upon a title-page ! It damns the book at the first sight ; and reasonably : People no sooner see it , than they conclude They ' ve read the work before . —Oh , I must say My father made a pretty business of it ,
Calling me John ! me , 'faith—his eldest son ! Heir to his—poverty ! Why there ' s not a writ , But , nine times out of ten , is served on John , And what still more annoys me , not a bill : Your promiser to pay is always John .
Some people fondly make the word a compound , And get some other name to stand its friend , Christening the hapless devil John-Anthony , John-Peter , or John-Charles , or John-Battista ; There ' s even John-Barnard , and John-Martin !—Oh , ] Hear if the other name likes his society I
It never does , humour it as you will . Change it , diminish it , call it Johnny , or Jacky Or Jack , 'tis always a sore point , —a wound , — Shocking , "if left alone ; and worse , if touch'd .
Untitled Article
A Deprecation of the Name of John . 153
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Sept. 1, 1837, page 153, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct1835/page/9/
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