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Untitled Article
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Untitled Article
rough , jagged , and engrained visage ; this kinked , knotted , ridged , and corrugated forehead ; these shrivelled , parchment-covered cheeks ; this skin , which hangs pendulously loose and indented , like a collapsed pudding-bag ; this coarse neck , of pounded brick-du 3 t colour and textifre ; this mass which starts a million confused points out of my
head , an untwisted and entangled hayband , are transformations of a thing so girlishly complexioned , and mawkishly delicate ; so effeminately milk-soppy , that it was a subject of scoff for his playmates , of contemptuous jest to his elders , and a source of counselling punishment in the hands of the guides of his boyhood ? Yes , yes , it is true , my effeminate appearance I \ va 3 taught to regard as criminal , or a 4 visitation * —bless the word ! Oh ! but this was to humble me ; was I
not humble enough , then ? Why , I was a beggar , and something occurred each day to fix the knowledge that I was a beggar in my memory . What more did they require ? Yes , I endeavoured to give the smooth , glossy ringlets which hung over my brow and down my neck the appearance of a ragged thrum mop , for they were matters of bitter mockery , and of a suspicion , a charge of conceit and young lady attention to their ornamental culture . My whole person was a
fountain of keen grief to me , and I shunned a looking-glass , lest it should show a reflection which I hated . Oh , faith , I may doat and gloat on a mirror now . Why , I was transparent ; you might look through me , and see all the workings of my thoughts and feelings , as you see a hive of bees under a glass case ; my thoughts and feelings were equally busy , and ever at work . I withered under a
repulse—I writhe under one still ; for what difficulty I have in prevailing on myself to make an advance God knows , and no one else dreams that it is any thing- but a very easy matter to me . I shrank even in anticipation of a frown . I know well that I am exposing myself to ridicule by this confession . Be it so . I once should have fled into the covert of darkness or solitude , to conceal the shame with which I
burned when a scoff dropped upon my ears . I return it now with fiery scorn . You have seen the passing clouds , reflected in shadows , float along the green fields and undulating corn ? So did my young emotions pass across my brow , and left no hollow , rent , or streak , till cloud after cloud was compelled violently back into the heaven of thought , and so changed that heaven to hell . It was nature ' s healthy breeze that rolled the clouds as they floated over the verdure , and as
they sailed along they let fall their freshening rain upon it ; but now they were dashed back to accumulate in dense , black , and heavy masses , till , with a pestilential , change , they had collected and grown into the hurricane ' s strength and fury , and down they rushed to devastate . Ah ! I know what I felt in my boy days will be despised as excess of morbid sensitiveness , but I think all are naturally so sensitive till corrupted into * manliness . I remember once laughing
and sobbing hysterically with joy , on seeing my father after an interval of separation , and I received an open-handed blow on the cheek ( not from him ) to teach me to be 4 more of a man . I was seven years of age then . This is the process by which boys are taught that intractable , sulky doggedness which distinguishes the * manly English boy' from all others on the civilized globe ' s surface ; a kindness and gentleness , an affectionateness of disposition in a boy No . 78 . 2 F
Untitled Article
Autobiography of Pel . Verjuice . 393
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), June 2, 1833, page 393, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2616/page/33/
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