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wife , children , and others , with warmth of affection , deferring every mark of kindness to me , except the * How d ' ye do , Pel ? Well , I comforted myself with the surprise he would receive when business hours arrived to give him opportunity for exercising his glance of examination . 1 suppose he did find all right , because
he gave nne a cold guinea ; for he said nothing to roe in giving it . To me a guinea was an immense sum ; but it was words that 1 wanted with it ; from him five kind words onl y would more have delighted me , would have been of more service to me , than fifty such guineas . He said nothing ; and the bright and beautiful glow of new delight in existence , was at once extinguished . I was
left to cranch the harsh , salt , and corroding ashes in a deeper , tongueless , soundless , hushed up misery . 1 could not endure it , indeed I could not . If I had reasoned on the point , —but I could not reason on such points , I could not reason after the world ' s fashion : if I had , or could so have reasoned , what better proof of my uncle ' s kindness and satisfaction was necessary ? He gave me a guinea silently , I was to draw my inferences from it . . Perhaps I might have drawn a different inference if I had not frequently , nay , I think always , seen him accompany his gifts and presents to other young people with some playful jest , or more endearing token of affection . Reader , you will perhaps say , did not that guinea convey a volume of good-will and praise , considering your condition ? Not to me : 1 tell you I was deficient in common-sense ; and I did not see how the mere act of giving money was a proof of affection . I never could see it in that light . To me the affection was ever , ever will be , in the manner ; and , believe me , I am skilled enough to understand the manner . 1
know whether it is true or treacherous , whether it is a jewel drawn up from the rich and inexhaustible stores of the heart , or the paltry paste which form and fashion make current ; and I ever did , and ever shall , prefer a reward of looks and words from a warm , abundant , and freely giving nature , to any money which may come coldly . This is nonsense , I know ; to be sure it is : call me whimsical , eccentric , or "worse , if you please . 1 tell you . again , I love the caress of a child , or the gambols wilh which a dog expresses his joy at seeing me , better thjin a thousand 4 how d ' ye do ' s , ' or ' we are most happy to see you ' ' with very few exceptions . My relative estimate of each becomes daily more firmly rooted ; and were it not for occasional renovating flashes which I feel in sincere sympathy , from most rare hearted and morally constituted cretitures , I should think of the ' how d ' ye do ' s , ' and treat them , as lifeless things . Call me eccentric again , you do not know all , I shall come to the end of my story , perhaps ; and you will not know all .
Well : this was the coup de grtice to my hesitation : it struck down every counselling cling ; brushed away every shadowy warning ; and that hour I reeled along to my friend George . ' I ' ll
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Autobiography of Pel . Verjuice , 531
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Aug. 2, 1833, page 531, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2620/page/19/
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