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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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70 S John Bull , Esquire , of TTheedle-Hall .
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Mr . John Bull is very self-complimentary on his character for straightforwardness . Are you a stranger to him * reader ? If you have lived only with him , and heard only his account of himsel £ you are , indeed . If , however , you have looked much among other people , you may have been tempted into a little thinking ; ( though this does not always follow—I have known many of his family who returned as unprejudiced as they set out on the journey ;) you may have compared him . with others . However the case stands , I caution you , if you have any trade with this straightforward gentleman , do not venture at him straightforwardly ; if you do , you will pitch upon his horns ; or , take my
word for it , ( if you have not tried the experiment , ) he will slip aside—and ' rattle * and * crack your sconce cries out against the wall , to which he delegates the office of receiving and welcoming you . * He likes a man to be straightforward ; he hates all circumvention and all circumlocution ; he is mathematician enough to know that the shortest road between two points is in a straight
line . ' This is part of that system of morality , the words of which he has been told : the matter taught is different . You must tell him you know he does , and is , &c , or you can never prevail with him . Tickle him , dose him , stuff him with flummery , oil him , grease him , give him his pap with a ladle , daub him with honey
and treacle ; but , oh ! carefully and diligently eschew all mustard and cayenne in your administered mixtures . How he will bellow , and roar , and butt , if you offer them to him ! Though these are ingredients he cannot abide himself , he is bounteous in his dispensation of them , —really so ; and is thrown into ecatacies when he sees them bite , excoriate , and exacerbate his friends and
neighbours . Do not forget this ; you can try it on emergency ; it will be your point of refuge when all things else fail ; a dernier res sort 9 in which you will be certain to meet safety , and Mr . John Bull ' s most liberal patronage . But other matter for him : though your gorge may rise , yet persevere ; you cannot satiate , you cannot cloy him . Go on , 1 say , and you will be the victor , he your dupe . As sure as you are born you will be impaled if you attack
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Yet spite of all these revelations free Of thy ricli love , the shadow of despair Ofttimes falls cold on poor humanity ! * Father of lights ! ' enlighten me , and tear Aside the veil betwixt my heart and Thee . Bid me find hope in all I view of fair , Of bright and glad . Be aye the season brief Of base distrust . —* Help thou mine unbelief !' T . N .
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JOHN BULL , ESQUIRE , OF WHEEDLE-HALL .
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Oct. 2, 1833, page 708, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2624/page/48/
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