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    and we came out deified ! If you go to the King ' s Palace to be made a Sir Knight , you have to kneel for it ; whereas , we only give a week ' s wages to the Great Ginocrats , and they all bow and scrape to us , and obsequiously hand us the delicious draught that

    maketh us wise unto damnation—salvation , we meant to say : but it ' s all the same to a drunken man ! We sally forth from the working man ' s Palace of Wondrous Compounds , elated with a glowing heat in the breast , and an exquisite whirling and confusion in the head , so that we can see no distinction between man and beast . This is one of the very first advantages of being drunk ! We know not if we walk upon

    our legs , or whether we are not borne along by some impulse independent of ourselves ; we therefore despise all pathways and curbstones , nor is the road itself wide enough . We , however , show our importance by taking up the whole of it , as well as we can , reeling forward in acute or obtuse angles , as a ship tacks ; we being under the same * laws of liquor' as a vessel is of those of the wind and tide , only that we have the noble freedom of moving without any rudder . We feel uncommonly pugilistic ,

    and being ripe for a row , make a point of insulting every person we meet who seems to be in a superior worldly station to ourselves , or better dressed . We soon run foul of a post that has the impudence not to get out of our way , and then reeling backwards in our efforts to advance and give the said offender a sound drubbing , we tumble up against the side of a house , and staggering off , roll down into a cellar ! We are up again somehow , and out

    again—probably kicked out—and without any broken bones . It is only your sober men who get broken bones when they fall . Doctors are detestable fellows , because of their physic and their bills , and we accordingly propose that the whole nation should be ' glorious' every day , that doctors may starve . Since no man who is habitually ' as drunk as a lord , ' ever takes physic or pays his debts , we think this the very best plan to do away with

    sickness and want—to say nothing of the National Debt . But to proceed . We stagger unconsciously along until we find ourselves in front of another Gin Palace , and having just enough left for one more glass , as well as we can count—for we can no longer be certain of any thing that our five senses inform us—we are about to enter , when we nnd our arm seized by the strong hand of our

    wife . We recognise her , though we could not any body else . But what is all this she rings in our ears about her hunger , and her children ' s hunger , and the Government knows what beside ? Will she come in and have the g lass of gin—that ' s the question ? No , she swears she won ' t ! Will she come in and see me drink

    % then ? She will see me hung first ! Very well , then she may g ° to the devil , and take the children there too , if she likes , to see their uncle . A real , sincere , regular drunkard , would pawn &n y thing and so may his wife . We frre&k away from her , and

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    On the Pleature of getting Drunk . Wft

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    JL 2

• Citation
  • Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Nov. 2, 1834, page 799, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2639/page/53/