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Untitled Article
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Thou fetid Plum ! adown whose livid sides The green juice oozes , wherefore art thou here ? One gripe alone—of thy astounding- taste Unconscious—these my teeth have given thee ; But that one did suffice : suffice to prove My hatred of thee , and my wonder great How thou canst dare , immodest thus and bold , Thy form on human appetite obtrude !
Yet thou art ever present , fetid Plum , At table of the great , and all rare feasts ; Nay , often press'd the fairest lips between ! Lips chaste no longer from that hour , methinks
Oh wondrous proof of nature ' s varied powers In palates , and diversities of taste ! To this a frog ; to that a soup of snails ; To these boiVd tripe ; to those a crawling cheese ; Green turtle-fat , sheep ' s heads , an unctuous smash , Rank venison , lamb ' s tails , or the parson ' s nose ! But in perversion ' s scale light weigh such freaks—Life hath its olive-eaters ! Direful thought ! Oft hath the Fair tobacco-quid decried , And " nasty" for cognomen , eke bestowed ; Oft hath she search'd the pouch of sleeping spouse For snuff-box , meerschaum , or the snug cigar , Turkey , canaster , long-cut , short-cut , shag , And toss'd the vile prize to the winds of heaven I How delicate ! how wholesome ! and how pure That weed malign'd , compar'd to a wretch like thee
Foul Pickle ! may 1 never more endure Thy loathsome presence , and the constant fear Lest some sweet object o ' er whose loveliness My senses wander in a dreamy trance , Should suddenly the ecstatic charm dispel , By eating with deliberate giistful smack Green horrors ! Let the raw , still knock-knee \ 1 youth , When frequent razor hath induced a beard
And idler whimsies fool'd him into man , On thee next try such manhood !—I resign : I leave the field—shrink back with mouth'd dismay , Nor will endeavour a base thing to love , Of taste so hideous—nondescript , or worse—Whose sentence , judgment-seated , I pronounce" Committed nuisance , leave the festal board I " o . o .
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Onjtni Tatting an Olive . 671
Untitled Article
ON FIRST TASTING AN OLIVE .
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Sept. 2, 1836, page 571, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2661/page/47/
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