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Jl CHBTSTilAS « AELAXD . ' Pill the stirrup cup with glp *; Sing a merry ronndelav : Christmas brings its rereirj : Dance , and sitj :, and let ' s be gay . Her for mirth and jollitr ; Push about the ruby tsiae Uerrr lei the minstrel play , Care and mirth can ne ' er combine . " X Welcome , good reader , and good cheer to thee for again approaches the head and chief of " Merry £ j 3 steaa s" happy holidays—alas : too few—iolly * , holTy , Christmas . Whether the recent unaccountable , — y ? e had almost
said abominable , — -weather , in which "with marroufreezing cold iras combined March wind -without ^ larch ' s spring associations , and JJune ' s dost , ¦ without June ' s warmth and brightness , forming a trinity in unity of annoyances most provoking and unbearable ; whether this atmospherical scourge lia * congeaLpd the ideas in the heads of our poets , jnafcjng of their iHelk-on a Serpentine , and turning their Parnassus into a ¦ wintry waste , we know not ; but we are strongly tempted to-thfe coneipsi mi from the almost total absence of anvtlB £ r > oeiieal relating to tijc season in the publications m the day which iare come under our notice . "Winter , trith its attendant eTil > , is surely the direst curse that through
their mortal career falls on the poor of this metro polis . If the-wealthy merchant , or the well-furred iady , y hose blood runs warm , and who are pleasantly fed whh the juices of generous meats and costlv drinks ; who with coats , and cloaks , and shawls and furs , seem prepared ^© defy the storm and disarm the chilling iiast ; if these , when exposed for a moment to fog and £ tet shiver and cower before lie enemy in rain they guard against ; if such with well stored larders , well-filled cellars , and "brightly "blazing hearths to sreet them on their crossing the . threshold of home ; if such feel keenly the biting blast of the wintry storm , how much heavier must the scourge of this cheerless season fall upon those who possess none of these blessing
" Toot naked wretches , whereso ' er tou are , That "hide the pelting of the pitiless storm . How shall tout houseless heads , and unfed sides , Your loop'dand windovr'd ra ^ gedness , defend yon Froni seasons such as these V Thus wrote onr immortal Sbulksfeaee , too plainly telling that the " goodold days , " if they ever had an existence , were not in his time . How much further back "Young England" would go to seek for those days we know not ; but this is certain , thai the search for them , even in the vaunted days ¦ of " Good Queen Bess , " would be fruitful only " of disappointment . Misery was then the lot of " the manv . iliserv is still their lot . Shall it ever
be so ? Alas . " the misery , the thick-spreading wretchedness of tiiis huge metropolis 1 ^ e speak not now of the apparent and all-appalling misery which stalks through London ' s interminable streets ; which fesiersin its filthy bye-ways , and fructifies in its ginpalaces , prisons , and dens of prostitution . Of such g wr jpjwak ni > i z bni of that miserv which , vainlv strmBL' by incessant toil to stave oS utter destruction , toils on unceasingly , and alas 1 unrewarded Je out " Garland" for 1 S 44 , appeared Hood ' s * " Song of ^ the Shirt , " which , of itself , would be aU-sufficient for its author's fame , though he had neither liefore nor since penned aught that " the world will not wSlinsiT let die . " f / uit
' * Song" seemed for the moment to stir up the heart « f society ; nor-is that stirring up yet forgotten . But , if society has a heart—a" matter which , according to Mr . D'Israeli , has been held in doubt , if not entirely forgotten—it would seem that that heart Las L * een too long a stranger to right emotions to " of more than temporarily excited even by the pen of a Hood : otherwise we should not hare heard , through thepresent year , so much of the continued and unalleviated miseries oi the poor needle-women . But despite all discouragements , the cause of the poor and the oppressed cannot be considered as hopeless wliOe such eloquent and earnest advocates as Miss . Sheridan Carey are found , as in the following beautiful poem . 10 plead that erase : —
JL I > . Tolling from the morning gray—Toiling , toiling through the day , Till the spirit faints away , Bound , in triple iron hound ! Bj the taper ' s &mish'd light . Toiling , toning through the niffht . TaD the dnnxa'd nsd acting sight Sees 'but shadcrws gathering round Till the lip ' s -svarcn hue is gone—Tin tiie brovr is " *> oto and wan—Till the pitying sunloc-ts on Gasping slavesin smpor cast ; Toiling through the hours uf pain , Tatirig hand , and heart , and "brain , Bread—and scarcely 'hread—to gain ! SliaH this—shall this ertr last ?
Shall the spoiler seize bj stealth T truth , and hope , and strength , and health ? 2 » aicre " s dovrrx—Nature ' s wealth—Shall they—shall they ever be—Tenth and hope , an April beam ? Strength , delusion ? health , a dream ? . Age—a fearful ghastly theme—Piin , and grief , and penury ? Isvv vrk' j seest ' . Thoe ? who hearest ' . Thoc the m&nrner * heart who chetres *' Tboc who veil'd in clouds appearest Svrift , aad terrible , and strong ! Unto Thee , -with stony eye , 3 !< . » odlcss cheek , and boding cry , It ooraM tu toil and ^ oil— or vrt ,
" ant appealeth , " LoXB , Bmcuyr ^ . *" T-r whose " conSdeupt ~ is cold . False , rapacious , crafiy . told"Who the lab-jurer ' shirt : withhold—TTho thefrcits oftoQ deny—Tbo the starrii : g poor distress , VTbo the wt-ai , the old . oppress—Tremble : They shall Ii 2 v ~ it < i « =, \ ji' their srroans srt- hpsru < j > hjgb ! Trtmt'le " . trenible ! weB ye nia ; , Ginllt-r ? trrants of a day , Trampling on your feilow-claj . ' Trampling Imavit - haartt to dust ! ^ "tiurfcasce i « TSi i » osx >* s I h ^ frait ! He wi 3 list the p "_ K > r man's prayer , Baist the crudi'd , and chase despair ' . Tyrants , wo ' tsz Losd js Jrsr . '
"e cannot better follow up the above soul-stirring deenneiation of gold-gorged viUany , than by giving the following hf-art-inspiring lines , holding out tat promise of u .- > ure and certain glorions future for the human race . The author ( deceased ) is Hexrt Ware ; we presume an American . We ind the lines in that excellent American paper , the 2 kiiu » t LsjbotcrtT .
I'PMi ssau . yor ^ zxigs (> pprt ± skiE shall not always reign : Thrre rumtrs a hrighttr day , ^" heu tretdoni , hurst from every chain , Sliail haTt triumphant way . Then light shall t > ver might prevail , And irnih , like hero armtd in mail , Tht hKts of rrrant frroijg assail , And hold ettrnal sway . £ " m nuit . that , glorious day draws emit , It * cominsr is not too far ; il * fcartii imdhtiirtii its signs appear , "We see its morning star ; Its dawn has Unshed the eastern sky ^ Thr western hiUs reflect it high ; The southern clouds hefore it fly—Hm-ra 3 i 1 hull ail Z hurrah I
"What Toice wiD hid the progress stay Of truth ' s victorious car * ^ fhat arm antst-the growing day , OnjDtnch the solar star ? " ^ "hai dastard so ^ jJ , though stout and strt > ng , 5 "baU dire bring hack the ancient Twoag , And freedom ' s morning bar ? TLt hour of triumph comes apace ; Thr iiicd , proniised hour , ^ heu carti , jzpun a TinmmMJ race , V . 'T t-tmieo ^ s- ciftsfhall sbo'K X-r . Rieg , liberty , ihy glorious hell , Bid high ihy sacred hanner swell , L'ft trumph * jn trumtih the triump h ttH , Of heaTta " * avenging power . The &iT has come , the hour dr&yvs nigh , l ^ c hear the coining car ; ^ cud forth th e glsd , exulting cry , Hurruli I hurrah I hurrah !
every hi " , by erery sea , In shouts proclaim The great decree , '' AH ekai ** are hurst , aR -men areJTtt . "" Hurrah : hurrah : hurrah \ ^ m this was to be a Chrutmas Garland . In good *«> th , but little yet about Christmas have we wriV tez ; but Christmas , with its jovialities , must not be passed over . From " grave to gay" is only fair i-ast year , Csjlkle s Dickzss ' s Csirtitmas Carol * ppearerd too late for us to notice in our then " Garland . " So matter . "Whatever Dickens has fanned may at any time be read with as mueh please and profit as when newly issued from the press To sneb of our readers as have not read xhe Carol ,
" * £ say , get it by all means if you can . Better late than never . ]{ -would be out of place , or rather out of time , now to " review" it ; we shall therefore J ^ spict ourselves to two or three extracts from that Qdiehtful book , which , could it be read by allwoura that it were in the hands of all—would do ^ ore to promote " peace on earth , and good will to mea , " - than all the sermons and homilies ever Bftered or penned . The moral of the book , that o * y Cfairtian Spirit vorHnff 1-i pdlv in it * little * ft * rt , whatever it may he , vM find iU mortal life loo Dion for itt van mtam of -usefuJneN , is a gem of pr iceless worth . ~ Vfere these words written on tie hearts of all men : was their spirit felt and
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aeteu up to ; what an Llysium mipht this earth be , instead ©! ' t ,: e " vak- of it-ai-s " which so msnv nnd it . •¦ rlTE 15 TiIAS HOJ 1 XIXC . The house iro ^ - s ^ -ktd black tnoush , and the windows blacker , contrii ^ iiug Tviih the- smooth wliite > htct oi £ Jiu \ r npon U : r roofs , ami % vith the dirtitr s ! iov . upon the ground ; v . iUt-h last dt-j-osit had been ploughed up in deep iirru « s l >\ the litavv wheeLs of cart * .-tlid wag . - gons ; furri / v . s that crosst-vl and re-crosscd each other hundreds , of uu :.- * T .-hvrt the grtst streets branched olf , aaJ mudtf iiiuit-ate channels , hard to trace , in the thiei yeUon n : ud und icy water . The sk y was gloomy , and tht shorter : slrrets v .- -ere claok-.-d uj ^ wit h a din ^ ry inist , half tharved half frozen , ty 1 k >? v hea \ i > r Jiarticlcs dt ^ sccnJcd in a shutver « . f sitotv atoms , as it all t } , u
chiiane ; » in ( ji- t-ni Britain had , by v , nv cuus- _ -: p . t , t-nught src . and v t-rc biazji : ^ a » vay to th ^ ir dt . ' ir hearts' contonl _ T litre . va « nothing \ cry thtvrftl in t 3 ie cibart or the tor . il ; and ytt tlierc was ati air of cheerfulness abroad , that tht clearest summer suu Uii ? ht ha \ t t-llileavoured to disass in -rain . For The jn-nple who were shoveihiig away od the housr-iops Here jovial aud full of glee -. caliing out lo one another from tiie parapets , and now arid tlitn tichanging a facetious snow-ball hetter-natured missile far than many a wordy jest laughing heartily if it went richt , and not less heartily if it went wrong . The poulterers' shops vrere still half open , and the fruitti-ers" were radiant in their glory . There were great , round , pot-bellitnl baskets of che , ^ nuts , shap < .-d like the waistcoats of jollv old
gentlemen , lolling at the doors , and tumbling into the streets in their apoplectic opulence . There were ruddy , brownfaced , broad-girthed , ^ ]> ani ? h onions , shining ia the fatness of their growth like Spanish Friars ; and winking from their shelves in wanton slyness at the girls as tliev went by , and glanced demurely at the hung-up mjsletoe . There were pears and apples , clustered high in blooming pyramids : there were bunches of grapes , made , in th , ? shopkeeper's benevolence , to danglt from conspicuous hooks , that people's mouth ? might water gratis us they passed ; there were piles of filberts , mossy and brown , recalling , in their fragrance , ancient walks among the woods , and pleasant shufflings ankle deep through withered leases ; there ¦ were Norfolk biffins , squab and swarthT , setting offthevellowoftheoranees and lemons .
and in the great compactness of their juiev persons , urgently « : treating and beseeching to be carried home in paper hags and eaten after dinner . The very gold and silver ssh , set forth among these choice frui :.- ; in a bowl , - though members *> f a dull and stajruaiitblooded race , appeared to know tliat there was something goiDg on : and , to a fish , went vr : ispmg round and round their little world in slow and passionless excitement . The Grocers' : 0 , the Grocers ' . ' nearly dosed , with perhaps two shutters down , or one : but through these gaps such glimpses' l ; - » a . not alone that the scales descending on the countt-r made a merry sound , or that the twinr and roller partnl com - pany so briskly , or that the canisters were ratiled up and down like juggling tricks , or even that the raUiu ^ were so plentiful and rare , the almonds so citrcmeh whiu-, the sticks « f cinnamon so long and so straight .
the other spices so delicious , the candied fruits so caked and spotted with molten sugar as to make the coldest lookers-on feel faint and subsequently bilious . 5 or was it that the figs were moist and pulpv , or that the French plunis blushed in modest rartnos from their highly decorated boses , or that e \ trything was guod to eat and iu its Christmas dress ; hut the customers were ail so hurried and so eager in the hopeful promise of the day , that they tumbled up against each othvr at the door , clashing their wicker baskets wildly , and left their purchases apoa the counter , and came running : hack'to fetch them , and committed hnndreds of thi like mistakes in the best humour possible ; while the grocer and his peo ] Je were so frank and fresh that the polished hearts with which they fastened their apron * behind might have been their own , worn outside for general inspection , and ft-T Christmas flaws to peck at j ) thev choos > -.
THX CHBJSTSUS GOOSE AUD PLCit PrDDIXG . Boh Cratchit turning up his cuffs—a * if , poor fellow-, they ¦ ¦ were capable pf being made more shabby—compounded some hot mixture in a jus with gin and lemon-, anil stirred it round and round and put it on the hob to simmer ; Masl = r Peter and the two ubiquitous i nuns ; Crachit ? went to fetch the goose , with wbieb the _ i ? oou returned in high procession . Such a hustle iTi « ui-il that jov znight have thought a « roo >* - the rare- *; of aii birds ; a feathered phenomenon , w "which a black t « an „ w ^ as a matter o"f course : and in truth it was soni ; - 'hiu ^ verr like it in that house . Mrs . Cratchit ma < le
tlugra"ry < ready Iwforeiiand in a little saucepan ) hi ^ Mn ;; hot ; ilasttr Peter mashed the potatoes with im-redibkvigour ; Hiss Belinda sweetened up the apple-sauce : Martha dusted the hot plates : Bob took Tinv Tim beside him in a tiny corner at the table ; the two younj ; Cratchits set chairs for everybody , not forgetting themselves , and mounting guard upon their posts , crammed spoons into their mouths , lest they should shriek for goose before their turn came to be helped- -At la « i the dishes weir set on , and grace was said . It was succeeded l » y-s breathless pause , as lirs . Orafcbjt , looking slowly all along The canine-knife , prepared to plunge it in the breast ; but when she did , and when the too long expected gush of stuffing issued forth , one murmur of delight arose all around the board , and even Tiny Tim , eicited by the two young Cratehit * . bt-at on the table -Kith the handle of his knife , and fci--blv cried " Hurrah "" There never was such a
goose . Bod said he didn ' t believe there ever wa = = uch a goose cocked . Its tenderness and flavour , fizv and cheapness , were the thenvs of universal admiration Xkfcd oat bv tlit apple-saoc-e antl mai-htrtl ] n > ti > I »> t"s , it wns a sufficient dinnfcr for the whole family ; inde * - ' ! , n ¦ - Mr . Cratchit said with great delight ( surveying » nismall atom of a bone upon a di » h ) . they hadn ' t ate it all at last . ' Trt every one had had enough , and thtyoungest Cratcbits in particular , were steeped ii . > 3 se and onion to the eyebrows ! But n «> w , tiie plated 1>—;•> - changed b \ Miss Btiinda , Mrs . Oratchit left th « - r- ^ . m alone—too nenous to brar witnesses—to take the pudding up . and bring it in . Suppose it should not be done enough ' ? up ]> ost it should break in turniiiir it out ' . Suppose som « --bodv should have got < yver tli- w ; iii
of the back-yard- and stolen it . Trliile they wrrf ) --rr y with the goose ' . a supposition at ivhu-li the t »« j « nni : Cratchits became livid' All sorts *> f horrors «> r « - supposed . Hallo ! A gr » -at deal of stt-ajn ! The j . ml . lijiwas out of the coj . jier . A smelJ like a washing--lay ' That was the cloth . A smell like an eaTing-bou » e . jn » d a pas : try-t-ook " s next door to each other , with a laumlri- « 5 's next door t »> that' That was the puddrn-r . In hal / a minute Mrs . Cratcbit entered , smiling promlly , with the pudding , like a sj-eckled cannoti-ball , s < 3 hard and firm , blazing in half of half-a-quartern of ignited brandy , and bt / dight with Christmas holly stuck into the top . Oh I a wonderful pudding : Bob Cratchit said , and catmlT too , that he regarded it as the greatest suocess achievtrd by Mrs . Cratchit sinee their marriage . Mrs . Cratchit said that now the weight was off her mind she would confess she had her doubts about the quantitv of flour . Every body had something to say
about it , ton ! nobody said or thought it was at all a small pudding for a large family . It would have been flat heresy to do so . Any Cratchit would have blushed to hint at such a thing . At last the dinner was all done , the cloth was cleared , the hearth swept , and the fire made up . The compound in the jug being tasted and considered perfect , apples and oranges were put upon the table and a shoTtl-full of chesnuts on the fire . Then all the Cratchit family drew round the hearth , in what Boh Cratchit called a circle , meaning half a one : and at Bob Cratchjt ' 5 elbow - ? tt > od the family display of g lass - . two tutnhleTS , nnd a custard-cup ¦ without a handle . These fcJd the hot stuff from the jug , however , as well as golden goblets would have done ; and Boh served it out with beaming looks while the cbesnnts on the fire sputtered and crackled noisily . Then Bob proposed : "A Merry Christmas to us all , iny dears . God bless us : " Which all the family re-tchoed . "• ' G-od bless us evcrv one '"
After so much of goo > e and pudding , —may every Cratehit in the land have a Diekens ' s dinner on Wednesday next . '— 'tis time we clearedour pipes .-50 here coes with a chant for
THX MSirTOE . Come . ' sing we a song of the mislctot ' ¦ Fqt , a sturdy plant and free , It beedeth not when the north winds blow , And scathed is the stricken tree ; But on . in storm and snow it blooins , "When earth hath not a flower , And the plants have shrunk to their silent tombs , from the scowling tempest ' s power . A proud and a mighty thing : it throws - Its branching arms around The bending 03 k , that , its patron , grows . Frujn the sparn'd and lowly ground . It asketh nought from the niggard earth , Tt needeth not the sun : But , seated high in its pride of birth , la il left its rave to
run-The storm fi « a svretp across ; The groanrng fvrests bow : &n the deep the foamiiig biBows toss To the bleak sky ' s froivning brow ; But gaily waving to and fry , As tht shrieking winds awake , SnE singeth the merrr misletoe , Till earth doth in concert quake . Then raise we a song , a joyous song , For merry hearts there be , "Whilst the spoiler ' walk ' -th his way among The proud , the fair , the free . Tht knell hath toll'd . —the sound is o ! d ,-" Unheeded 3 e ! it fall ; And the ^ ng of the mystic misletoe In chorus join vre all .
But what have we here ? As we live , another Carol , another r ift of beauty and of truth from the inexhaustible ' brain of glorious Boz ; who , if ever writer deserved the title , truly does he deserve that proud one " the foet of thb poob . " Yes ; advisedly we say Pott . "Where is the Irnng writer , be he ever so great in prose or rhyme , who can so well , so trntbiully describe the sufferings , the sorrows , the hopes , ' the joys , of the million ? "Who can paint the minutia of the life of Labour's children , without and within , alike that which is viable to the eye and that which , belonging to the innerman , may oe within the compass of a poefs ken but 01 none ether of the son ^ of men ? Such was the godlike po ^ er , the exercise oi which has made ShAespxabe ,
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Bijhns , and Bteo > -, immortal- The first and last of these , unfolded to the world's gaze the passions which . agitate the breasts of kings and themisrlity ones of the earth . BcRjfs , on theolher hand , took for his delineation the children of the people . By the side of Burns , Dickens will take his stand : and who could desire a destiny more glorious ? Some one , we forget who , defines poetry to be " musical thought . Tried by this test , wliere is to be found sublimer poetry than that which breathes through every page penned hx L' krexs i Yes , Dickens it the j > oet ot the poor ; prouder position , greater glory , for now and " for all time , no man could hope 10 acquire . THE CHIMES , A GdBLiy STORY OF SOME BELLS TIU . T KASG . 4 . V OLD YEAR OUT AND A JEW ONE IX .
Such is the title of Mr . Dickens ' s new work . For tliis week we forbear the critic's task , anxious as we are to at once gratify our readers with a toothsome taste of the volume itself . The hero of this goblin story is one Toby i \ ci ; a ticket-porter , oftener called Truttv Ytck . They called him Trotty for his ^ pace , which meant speed , if it didn't make it . He was a weak , small , spare old man ; but poorly dad , and no ways a match lor the sturdy assaults of a December blast . Ilispost of duty was " a breezy , goose-skinned , blue-nosed , red-eyed , stony-toed , tooth-chattering place , " nigh to a church-door , whose goblin bells are made to ring out the chimes of this story . We have claimed for Mr . Dickers the title of Poet , and here , at the very outset of the work is a specimen of " musical thought" which makes gootl the claim .
THZ HOJTE OF THE CITISIES . The night wind has a dismal trick of wandering round and round a building of that sort [ a church ] , and moaning as it goes ; and of trying , with its unseen hand , the windows and the doors ; and seeking out some crevice by which to enter . And « lieu it has got in—as out not finding what it seeks , whatever that maybe—it wails and howls to issue forth again ; and not content with stalking through the aisles , and gliding round and round the pillars , and tempting the deep organ , soars up to the roof , and strives to rind the rafters : then flings itself despairingly upon the stones below , and passes , muttering , into the vaults . Anon , it comes up stealthily , and creeps along the walls : seeming to read , in whispers , the inscriptions , sacred
to the dead . At some of these , it breaks out shrilly , as with laughter ; and at others , moans and cries as if it were lamenting . It has a ghostly sound , too , lingering within tiie altar : where it seems to chant , in its wild way , of wrong and murder done , and false Gods worshipx > ed : in defiance of the Tables of the Law , which look so fair and smooth , but are so flawed and broken . Ugh ! Ilvaven preserve us sitting snugly roundthe fire It has an awful voice , that wind at midnight singing in a church ' . But high up in the steeple ' . There the foul blast roars and whistles : High up in the steeple , where it is free to come and go through many an airy arth and loophole , and to twist and twine itself about the giddy stair , and twirl the groaning weathercock , and make the verv
tower shake and shiver . ' High up in the steeple , where the belfry is , and iron rails art- ragged with rust , and sheets of lead and copper shrivel by die changing weather , crackle , and heave beneath the unaccustomed tread ; and birds stuff shabby nests into corners of old oaken joists and beams ; and dust grows old and grey ; and speckled spiders , indolent and fat with long security , swini : icUv to and fro in the vibration of the bell ? , and never lose their hold upon their tlireail-spun castles in the air , or climb up . sailor-like , in quick alarm , or dry ]) upon the ground and ply a score of nimble lees to sa \ e a life : High up in the steeple of an old church , far above the light and murmur of the town , and far luluw the flying cloud * that -hadow it , is the wild and drearv place at uigbt : and high up in the steeple of an old
church , dwelt the Chimes I . tell of . But return we to Toby . Tvhy had contracted a liking for the Bells : — " And though I had saul his love , I would not have recalled the word , thourh it would scarcely have expressid his complicated ft-elinjr . For , being but a simple man , he invested them « irli a strange and solemn character . They were so mysterious , often heard and never Men ; so high up , so far off . so full of such a deep strong melody , that he r »» frarde < l them with a species oi" aw <• ; and sometimes when he looked up at the dark arcln-d windows in the tower , lie half expected to be beckoned to by something which was not a bell , and jet was . what he heard so often * i . unding in the Chimes . For all
this , Toby scouted with indignation a certain thing rumour that the chimt-s were haunted , as implying tiie possibility of their being connected with any evil thing . In short , they «< re very often in his cars , and very often in his thoughts , but always in his good opinion and he very often got s-uch a crick in his neck by staring with his mv . uth wide open , at the steeple where they hung , tlsnt he was fain to take an extra tro * . or two , afterwards to cure it . " The very thing he was in the act of doing one cold "day , when the last drowsy sound of twelve o ' clock just struck , was hummins ; like a melodious monster of a bee , and not by ai . iv means a busy bee , all through the Eteeplc .
TBBIS OBSERVATION . "' Dinner time , th " said Toby , : ro ' . tinjr up and down before the church . ' Ah . " " Toby ' s nose was xerv red , and his e . M-lids wen- \< r \ red , and he winked very much , and his shoulders were very near hi > t-ar ~ , nnd }>;? legs were very Mill" ; ami altogether he was evidently a long way upon the frosty side of cool . ' ¦ ' Dinner-timf , eh . " rej » ated Toby , usin ^* hi < - right muffler like an infantine boxing-gloi e , and pnnishing his chest for being cold . ' Ah-h-h-h ' . ' " He took a silent trot , after that , for a minute or two .
' There ' s nothing , * said Toby , ' more regular in its cominp round than dinner-lime , and nothing less regular in its coming round than dinner . That ' s the great difference between Vin . It ' s to < "k me a long time to Hud it out . I n <» nd « r "whether it would be worth any gentleman ' s while , now , to buy that observation tV . r the papers , or tht- Parliament ' . '" ' foby , wrapped in a "brown study" continues his " obscrwation ? . " Toby has evidently heard of the Maltbusjan Philosophy : perhaps located near a church , he has hoard that such is- tht philosophy of Charlis Jonx , Bishop Bloomfiei-u : — TOUT ' S DOUBTING * . " ' It seems as if we can ' t po right , do rijrht , or be righted , ' said Toby . ¦! hadn ' t much schooling myself when J was young ; and I can ' t make out whether we have any business on the face of the earth , or not . Sometimes I
think we must have a little , and sometimes I think we must be intruding . J get so puzzled sometimes that I am not even able to make up mj mind whether there is any good at all in us , or whether we are born bad . We seem to do dreadful things ; we seem to give a deal of trouble ; we are always "being complained of and guarded against . One way or other we fill the papers . Talk of a Sew Year " said Toby , mournfully . "lean bear up as well as another man at most times ; better than a good many , for I am as strong as a lion , and all men an * t : but supposing it should really be that we have no right to a >' ew Year : —supposing we really are intruding ? ' " Probably Toby had been led to reflect on the possibility of there really being '' no scat for him at Nature's board , " from the fact that he was too often without a dinner . From his reverie Toly is aroused bv the voice of his daughter .
MA 1 . THU 8 BEFCTED . " Why , father , father '" said the pleasant voice again . Toby heard it this time—started—stopped—and shortening hi ? sight , which had been directed a long way off as seeking for enlightenment in the very heart of the approaching year , found himself face to fact with his own child , and looking close into her eyes . Bright eyes they were . Eyes that would bear a world of looking in before their depth was fathomed . Dark eves , that reflected back the eyes which searched them ; notnashingly , or at the owner ' s will , but with a clear , calm , honest , patient radiance , claiming tondred with that light which heaven called into being : eyes that were beautiful and true , and beaming with hope . TVith hope so voung and fresh—with hope so buoyant ,
vigorous , and bright , despite the twenty years of work and poverty on which they had looked , that they became a voice to Trotty Veck ; and safd : " I think we have some business here—a little !" Poetry that , mv masters ! . Nature pleading through the affections for those truths which a brutish miscalled philosophy would fain , —but happily in vain , strives to , —extinguish . Toby ' s daughter , Meg , has most unexpectedly brought him a dinner of hot tripe , which he enjoys seated on a door stop . While thus employed the daughter imparts to him her love for Richard , a stalwart blacksmith , who has vowed to wed her on ! New Year ' s-day . Hear how beautifully the brighteyed girl pleads what we shall take the liberty tc
call—OCB FHILOSOPBT . He says then , father , another year is nearly gone , and where is the use of waiting on from year to year , when it is so unlikely we shall ever be better off than we are now . He says we are poor now , father , and we shall be poor than ; but we are young now , and years will make us old hefore we know it . He says thatif we wait , people in our condition , until we see our way quite clearly , the way will be e narrow one indeed—the common way—the grave , fi . tber . * * * * And how hard , father , t . grow old , and die , and think we might have cheere . ; md helped each other ! How hard in all our lives to > > ve each other ; and to irrieve
apart , to see each other working , changing , growing old ana grey . Even if I ; rct the better of it , and forgot him ( which I never could ) , O , father dear , to have a heart so full as mine is now , and live to have it slowly drained out every drop , without the recollection of one happy moment of a woman ' s life , to stay behind and comfort me , and make me better '" The father and daughter are here joined by the bitter ' s sweetheart , Richard , and almost at the same moment the door opens , and the footman of Alderman . Cute nearly puts his foot into the tripe dish . Mr . Cote is attended by two friends , M-. T"ileT , a cold-blooded political economist—Mr . Dickens paints the class to t 3 ie life—and a red-faced gentleman , in a blue coat , representing a Tory of the old school , whose eternal prate is about " the good old
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times . " These three worthies denounce poor Toby for eatmg tripe , as being infamously extravagant , am ! calculated to bring ruin on the country . AI . 1 .-EP . MAN CUTE * S WAT OF DEALING WITH THE COMM 6 M
PEOPLE . "' Now , you know , ' said the Alderman , addressing his two friends , with a self-complacent smile , upon his face , which was habitual to him , ' I am a plain man , and a prnetical man ; and I go to work in a plain , practical way . That ' s my way . There is not the least mystery or difficulty in dealing with this sort of people , if 3 ou only understand Yin , and can talk to ' cm in their own manner . Now , you porter ! Don ' t you cvev tell me , or anybody else , my friend , that you havn't always enough to eat , and of the best ; because I know better . I have tasted your tripe , you know , ami you can ' t " chafi " ' me . You understand what " chaft" means , eh ? That's the rijjht Won ) , isn't it ? Ila . ha , ha ! Lord blt ? £ S you , ' said the Alderman , turnint to );>
menus again , ' it ' s the easiest thing on earth to deal with this sort of people , if \ ou only understand ' em . ' "Famous man tor the common people , Alderman Cutt ! Never out of temper with them ! Easy , affable , joking , knowing gentleman ! " ' You eee , my friend , ' pursued the Alderman , ' there ' s n great deal of nonsense talked about want— " hard up , " you know : that ' s the phrase , isn't it ? ha , ha , ha!—and 1 intend to put it down . That ' s all ! Lord bless yo « , ' said the Alderman , turning to his friend again , ' you mayput down anything among this sort of people , if you onJy know the way to set about it !' " Trottv took Meg ' s hand and drew it through his arm . He didn't seem to know what he was doing though . '' Your daughter , eh V said the Alderman , chucking her
familiarly under the chin . ' "Always affable with the working classes , Alderman Cute ! Knew what pleased them ! Not a bit of pride " " ¦ Where ' s her mother ? ' asked that worthy gentleman . " ' Dead , ' said , Toby . ' Her mother got up linen ; and was called to heaven when she was born . "' tfot to get up linen thtre , I suppose , ' remarked tiie Alderman pleasantly . ; " Toby might or might not have been able to separate hi 6 wife in heaven from her old pursuits . But query : If Mrs . Alderman Cute had gone to heaven , would Mr . Alderman Cute have pictured her as holding any state or station there ? From denouncing tripe , the precious trio proceed to the abusing of Matrimony : —
A POLITICAL ECONOMIST ' S J . ASTENT , " ' And you ' re making love to her , are you V said Cute to the young smith . " ' Yes , ' returned Richard , quickly , for he was nettled by the question . ' And we are going to be married on New Year ' s Pay . ' " ' What do you meahl' cried Filer , sharply , ' married 1 * " ' Why , yes , we ' re thinking of it , master , ' said Richard . ' We ' re rather in ahurry , you see , in case it should be Put Down first . ' " ' Ah ! ' cried Filer , with a proan . ' Put that down , indeed , Alduritian , and you'll do something . Married ! Married !! The ignorance of the first principles of political economy on the part of these people ; their improvidence ; their wickedness ; is , by Ileawiis ! enough
to—Now looli at that couple , will you V 11 Well ! They were worth looking at . And marriage seemed as reasonable nnd fair a deed as they need have in contemplation . ' . " ' A man may Jive to be as old us Ifethusafch , ' said Mr . Filer , ' and may labour all his life for the beuent of such people as those ; and may heap up facts on figures , facts on figures , facts on figures , mountains high and dry ; and he can no more hope to persuade ' em that thev have no right or business to be married , than h « - can hope to persuade ' em that they have no earthly right or business to be born . And that wo know they
havn ' t . We reduced it to n mathematical certaintjlong ago . ' Our readera who are also readers of Punch , —ami we expect but few are otherwise , —must be pretty well acquainted with the doings of Peter the Great ( ass ) , who hesitates at nothing , and is omniinpotent at "putting down" all delinquents , from Joseph Adt to Giant Despair : —he puts all down : a mighty genius is Peter ! It strikes us we have ere now seen the veritable original of Alderman Cute , presiding at the City Mansion House Police Court . We may be wrong : but doubtless Alderman Sir Peter Laurie can sav whether we are right .
TnE MAN " WOT ' S DETERMINED TO PUT DOWN SUICIDE . Alderman P . - 'te was mightily diverted , and laid his right forefinger on the side of his nose , as muchm to say to both hi * friends , ' Observe me , will you _? Keep your eye on the practical man ! ' and called Meg to him . ' Come here , my girl , ' said Alderman Cute . The young blood of her lover had been mounting , wrathfully , within the last few minutes ; and he was indisposed to let her come . But , setting a restraint upon himself , he came forward with a stride as Meg approached , and stood beside her . Trotty kept her hand within his arm still , but looked from face to face as wildly as a sleoper in a dream .
" ' Now I ' m going to give you a word or two of good advice , my girl , ' said the Alderman , in his nice easy way . ' It ' s my place to give advice , you know , because I ' m a justice . You know I ' m a justice , don ' t you V " Meg timidly said , ' Yes . ' But everybody knew Alderman Cute was a justice ! O , dear , so active a justice always ! Who such a mote of brightness in the public eye as C ' utu ! . " ' You arc going to be married , you any-, ' pursued the Alderman . ' Very unbecoming and indelicate in ont of your sex ! But never mind that . After you are married you'll quarrel with your husband , and come to be a distressed wife . -You may think not ; but you will , because 1 tell you so . Sow I give you fair warning , that I have made up mv mind to put distressed wives
down . So don ' t be brought before me . You'll have children—boys . Those boys will grow ¦ up bad , of course , and run wild iu the streets , without shoes and stockings . Mind , iny young friend ! I'll convict ' em summarily , every one , for I am determined to put boys , without shoes and stockings , down . Perhaps your husband will die young ( most likely ) and leavi- you with a baby . Then you'll be turned out of doors , and wander up and down the streets , Now don ' t wander near me , my dear , for I am resolved to put all wandering mothers down . All young mothers , of all sorts and kind ? , it ' s my determination to put down . Don ' t think to plead illncis as an excuse with me ; or babies a * an eicuse with jut ; for all sick persons and young children ( I hope you know the Church service , but I'm
afraid not ) I am determined to put down . And if you attempt , desperately , and ungratefully , and impiously , and fraudulently attempt to drown yourself , or hang yourself , I'll nine no pity on you , for 1 have made up my mind to put all suicide down . If there is onv thing , ' said the Alderman , with his self-satisfied smile , ' on which I can be Said to have made up my mind more than on another , it is to put suicide dovrn . So don ' t try it on . That ' s the phrase , isnt it ? Ha , ha ! Now we understand each other . ' " Toby knew not whether to be agonised or glad to see that Meg had turned a deadly white , and dropped her lover ' s hand .
" ' As for you , you dull dog , ' said the Alderman , turning with even increased cheerfulness and urbanity to the young smith , ' what are you thinking of being married for ? What do you want to be married for , you silly fellow ! If I was a fine young strapping chap like you , I should be ashamed of being milksop enough to pin myself to a woman ' s apron-strings ! Why , she ' ll be an old woman before you are a middle-aged , man ! And a pretty figure you'll cut then , with a draggle-tailed wife and a crowd of squalling children crying after you wherever you go !' " Oh , he knew how to banter the common people , Alder , man Cute ' . " '
Here for the present we must close our notice of the Cldmet . Next week we shall return to them , and put our readers in possession of what becomes of Trotty , Meg , and Richard . As a Blacksmith figures in the Chime ) , and as we doubt not all our fair readers will by this time be the entertainers of feelings sympathetic for the young Vulcan , only second in intensity to those of his loving Meg , we think wo cannot do better than have a sonjr , a right hearty and noble one , from the pen of the talented Charles Mackay , ( one of whose beautiful compositions appeared in our last year ' s Garland , ) In honour of the prince and father of the manly eraft : —
TCBAL CAM . Old Tubal Cain was ' a man of might , In the days when earth was young ; By the tierce red light of its furnace bright The strokes of his hammer rung ; And he lifted high his brawny hand On the iron glowing clear , Till the'sparks rushed out in a scarlet rout , As he fashioned the sword and Bpear : And he sang " Hurra for my handiwork ! Hurra for the spear and sword ! Hurra for the hand that shall wield them well For he shall be King and Lord . " To Tubal Cain came many a one ,
As he wrought by his roaringHre , And each one pr ' ay'd for a strong steel blade As the crown of his ^ own desire ; And he made them weapons sharp and strong Till they shouted loud for glee , And gave him gifts of pearls and gold And spoils of the forest free . And they sang " Hurrafor Tubal Cain , Who hath given us strength anew ; Hurra for the smith , hurra for the fire , And hurra for the metal true !"
But a sudden change came o or , Ere the setting of the sun , And Tubal Cain was filled with pain For the evil he had done ; He saw that men , with rage and heat , Made war upon their kind , And the land was red with the blood they shed , In their lust for carnage blind , And he said " Alas , that ever I made , Or that skill of mine should plan , The spear and the sword for men whose joy Is to slay their fellow-man !" And for many a day old T ubal CaiuJ Sat brooding o ' er his woe ; And his hand forbore to smite the ore , And his furnace smouldered low ;
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But he rose , at last , with a cheerful face , And a bright courageous eye , And bared hjs strong right arm for work , While the quick flames mounted high . And he sang , " Hurra for my handiwork !" And the red sparks lit the air ; Not alone for the blade was the' bright steel made And be fashion'd the first pl 6 ugh . sb . are . And men , fnught wisdom from . | tlic past , Iu friendship joined their Lands ,
Hung the sword in the hall , the spear on the wall And piough'd the willing lands ; And sang " Hurra for old Tubal Cain , Our staunch ' good friend is lie ; And for the pLough-shart and the plough To him our praise shall be : j But while oppression lifts its head , Or tyrant would be Lord , ; Though we may thank him for the plough , We'll not forget the sword ! " i
rhe great length of our extracts from Mr . Dickens ' s works compels us to omit for this week many things we had intended to have said , and also several choice poetical pieces we hail prepared for our Garland . We say for this weekl ; for in our next we shall resume . It in this number of the Star our Garland appears imperfect , be it understood that it is not as yet completed . In the meantime , reader , we wisJi thee and thine " A Merkv Christmas . '" If thou art a Scrooge ( which Heaven forbid !) , we wish thee a quittance of all thy ; evil spirits , and a regeneration as complete as that worked in the hero of Diekens ' s Carol . If thou art a Cratchit , we wish thee ( we repeat ) such a Christmas Goose and Pudding as Dickens has pictured ; and we would help thee to , were we "the Ghost of Christmas
Present . " And it' thou art like \ mto Scrooge ' g nephew , we don't know that we could wish thee aught better than the good heart thou wilt in that case be the possessor of ; unless indeed it be the additional good of having the ] means at thy command to obey the dictates of such a heart . To the rich wesay / give to your fellow creatures who are poor : and to the poor we say , sympathise with each other , and strive to ease the hesivy load which , like Pilgrims , vou are forced to bear . To each and all we wish Plenty , Beneficence , and Happiness ; and all we ask in return is , that each and all will join us in drinking with flowing glasses to those lights of life—Tnu Poets ; and , first and foremost , to France and Freedom ' s poet , Beranoer ! In his glorious strains we ask our friends , with nine times nine , and one cheer more , to chant the praises of
WOMAN AND WINE . In varying hues of grief and mirth , How fruitful Nature ' s face appears ! Beneath its dark wing voils the prth . In ruins , blood , and tears . ; But beauty reigns where ' er we go , And see , with grapes the vines are clad ; Let woman smile , let good wine ; flow , And lo ! the world is glad . A deluge o ' er each land hath flown ; But all ! how low , how vei \ few , Some sheltering ark have ever known , Whom misery ' s waves pursuej ! When flies the dove , when bends the bow Above that waste of waters sad—Let woman smile , let good wineinow , And lo 1 the world is glad : i
In dreary , dark , and funereal gloom , A withered land ' neath Etna lies , Which hurls from out its burning womb The Hell against the skies ! \ Its rage expires , and muttering low , Rests that mysterious mountain mad-Let woman smile , let good winelflow , And lo ! the world is glad ! The frightful vulture of the East , The deadly plague with hoarse voicy calls And man , to furnish forth her feast , Before her fly ing ^ falls ! : Heaven is appeased- —with angel glow Soft Pity tends those vktims sail ' . — Let woman smile—let good w ine now—And lo ! the world is glad . ; Stern Mars awakes his cruel nres ,
And rolls his car of sanguine hue , And the name laud that drank the sire ' s , Still drinks the son ' s blood toO ! But man grows tired and stops the blow , And nature whispers , sweet tho' sad—Liit woman smilu—' good wine How—And lo ! the world is glad ! Instead of blaming Nature now , | See Spring ' s bright tresses stream above , 0 . ' let us wreathe her frngant brow With earth ' s best roses , joy and love ! Spite of the slavish ills we know , 'Mid mouldering ruins ivy clad , Let woman smile—let good wine now—And . lo ! the world is glad . ' ;
1 BOWL OF " rVSCII , " FRk $ II BREWED A CHB 1 STMAS CAROL . To Church betimes ! Tho . Christmas chimes Are calling high and low iii ; To Church then all , both great and small ! Chorus of t'Uiity roievs . We ' ve not a coat to go in ! \ Likf our old sires , with roaring fires , The fangs of winter braving , Huge logs pile high , to sit thereby . t'lioms . j We ' ve not a single sinning ! Good Christmas fare is pliy sic rare To warm the regions itiiur ; Plum-pudding join to stout sirloin . ( 'horns . ! Wt »' ve not a cru ^ t for dinner !
Fill glass and bow ) , each jovial soul , As round the hearth wt elose iu ; Our vvint is bright in its ruddy light . Chi / ms . I Our very water ' s frozen ! Right late we'll sup , and kicp it up Till time to morn shall crei > p on ; Then sink to rest in downy nest . Chorus . \ We ve not a bed to sleep on |! Loud be the songr , the laughter long Our joy no care shall leaven ; Christmas is here but once a year . Chorus . i For that , at least , thank heaven !
Agbicultuhai . Mdsecm . —The Agricultural Museum , lately opened under the auspices of the Royal Society of Agriculture , will wellVepay a visit tojthe rooms of the Society in Hanover Square . For the information of persons visiting London , we supply an imperfect catalogue , which Will direct the visitor to what are qeriainly the Lions of the Museum . Case 30 . —Very curious , containing specimens of " The English Labourer" ( vulg . " The Country ' s pride" ) , natives of the various agricultural comities , presented by different boards of guardians . 1
A * o . 1 . A Buckinghamshire labourer . — Stands six feet high—weight , nine stone—colour sallow—eyes sunkbones very prominent . The smock-ifroek nine years old —breeches ragged ;—boots very bad-j—found in damp cottages . Fed upon bread and water , with a little bacon . When taken , attempted to destroy himself in the House . Mind uncultivated . Habits sullen arid brutal . Xo . 1 . A Norfolk labourer . —Characteristics as abore . This is one of the incendiary sjieciesi JVos . 3 , 4 , 5 . Essex , Wiltshire , and FomenetMre labourers . —The curious visitor is requested to observe the clothes of these interesting specimens . The cases by the side of each contain portions of their usual food , and a week's wages . j Case 40 . —Contains a treasure , which is indeed unique , and which the Society feels justly proud of : —
A new coat ! ! purchased by a labourer with a family , on "s . a week wages ' . As far as the Society can learn , the only one ever exhibited ! Case 54 . —The inentical bat used by Lord Coningsby in the game at cricket played by his Lordship with real labourers . There is always a crowd ! round this case , and no wonder . j Case 60 . —A sovereign , returned by Lord Radnor to a poor tenant on quarter-day ; sent from High worth . By many considered the gem of the collection . Case 100 . —Very old " duties of property , " discovered lately in Holdernesse-house , by the | Marquis of Londonderry . When furbished they have ) a very imposing appearance , and were brought out with great effect by fhe noble owner at a recent dinner given to bis tenantry in Irplnnd .
Case 120 . —Numerous specimens { of a new invention called " the rights of labour . " The ingenious patentee declares that these rights were known to our forefathers , though the secret has been lost . He expects great results from their re-introduction . ]
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BisTiEs versus Pkovidexce . "There is a Providence that shapes our ends , " saith the immortal William Shakspeare ; aud yet ladies wear bustles . A Ya . mvf . e Barrister prosecuting a woman for maltreating her infirm husband , exclaimed , that most of the sex were devils ! Seeing several genteel feinales in court , he sought to correct hisfaux-pas by adding ,-" but the rest are angels , and many of them are present . " A Toast for Teetotallers . — "Here 3 to the man
who cut down the trees , who cleared the land , who ploughed the ground , who p ]; i :: ted thecorr , which fed the goose , that raised the quill , which formed the pen , with which . was written the tciul abstinence pledge . " Optics . —The Duke of Cumberland told Dr . Price that he had read his pamphlet on the National Debt with ufw-h -. delight , ami sat up so late to finish it , that it had almost blinded him . " Rather strange , " said the author , "that it should have such an effect on . your Royal Highness , for it has opened the eyes of evej-ybody else . '
Measure fob Measure . —A Quaker » it an inn called for some porter , aud observing the yhil deficient in quantity , thus addressed the landlord : — " Pray friend , how many butts of beer dost thou draw in a month ' " " Ten , sir , " replied the public . " .:. "And thou wouldst like to draw eleven ii' thou couldst , " rejoined Ebenezer . " Certainly , " exclaimed the smiling landlord . "Then I will tell thee how , friend , " said broadbrim : "fillthy measures . " The Wandering Jew . — According to a letter from Leipsic , fuurteen translations of . \ i . Kugene Sue ' s romance , the " Wandering Jew , " are now publishing in Gennanv . — Augaburg Gazette . The Poiiu—Why is the Polka like bitter beer ?—Because there are so many hops in it .
The Rose has Thorns . — Milton , when blind , married a shrew . The Duke of Buckingham called her arose . " I am no judge of colours , " replied Milton , " but I jlare say you arc right , for I feel the thorns daily . " Bosivell A . YD T « E Bear . —Boswell askof ! Johnson once whether he had heard that people compared him to a mad dog-, "Have you heard , sir , " said the Doctor , "that people compare you to the tin-kettle tied to my . tail ?" Gesuuty . —A very irritable Irish havoaet once fancied himself insulted by a country bumpkin who could not trace his blood for more than 300 veal's from labour and shaking his horsewhip in his face exclaimed , " Damn you , sir , if you were a gentleman I'd horsewhip you to-night and shoot you to-morrow morning . " " Thank you , Sir John ; its not the Jirst time that I
have had to return thanks to providence for not being a ytntlanan , " was the shrewd reply . A Fact . —About fifty years ago , in the " goodold times" when beating was elieap in Ireland , there happened to be five or six cases of manslaughter in different parts of the county of Kerry the »; une day , and the weather being very * hot the coroner toukl not hold an inquest upon each in sufficient time ; and therefore in order to satisfy the friends oi" one of the deceased who followed him thirty miles , lie said he would summon a jury there , and without view of the body take their evidence , it they could swear to the facts . This appeared perfectly satisfactory . The jury was instantiy summoned , and the whole business concluded in about half an hour by a venlic-t against nine of the Shannahans , three of the Macartys and four of the Doolans , for the wilful murder of Timothy Driscoll . The accused were all sent to ; rison ; and
the first day of the assizes true bills ^ against them were presented to the grand jury , ami the j : anie oi Timothy Driscoll indorsed on the bill , to be examined as the principal witness . After a few questions by the foreman of the grand jury , he observed that tue name of the witness and the deceased were the .--anie ; and asked Mm : "Witness , were you any relation to the deceased ? " " To the deceased is it < " replied Tim ; " wisha , my God , aint 1 the deceased inysch . < "' ; ' No , no , 1 mean the murdered man ; are you a > . y thing to the murdered man f" " My tioil , aiut I telling you that Pm the murthered man myself : Look here , " says Tii » , showing a huge wound in his head : " wasn't that enough to kill an ox r ami loolt here , and luric , and here " - exhibiting all his wounds , observing :
, "Wisha then if 1 wasn ' t murthered that _ night the devil a Kerry man was ever nmrtLered snk-e . " In this dilemma the foreman of the grand jury thought it best to consult the judge ; ami proceeding to the court accosted him as follows : — " My lord , we aro rather in a predicament , " and then related the circumstance ; adding , '' What we wish to know . my lord , is , if under the peculiar circumstances of the case we can find hilis against the Suannahans , . Macartys , and Doolaus for manslaughter , as DriscoU ' s not dead ? His lordship ,-as might be expected , looked hard at the applicantand tlien significantly said "^ o- "
, One Discharge at a Time . — When the in-b . yeomanry corps were first embodied , the men were in the habit of not discharging their niuskets , in order that they might preserve the cartrid ges . The captain ot a corps , not distinguished by a very military ear , had had this prank frequently practised on him . An old martinet was one day inspecting tlie corps , whose ear was shocked by the irregularity of the fire , and he observed to the eaptain— " What the devil do . you mean , sir ( these men can ' t fire ; do you cMl that a discharge ' . not a man to the right has fired ' . " whereterrible vowed
upon the captain in a rage vengeance against the right wing , if , as ho said , " it didn't make its share of noise the next time . " When the word "fire" was given , bang went the right , sure enough , and up Hew half a score of muskets , and back staggered as many men . The poor captain , flabbergasted , ran to take up one of the muskets , when the owner , who had partially recovered , roared out at the top of his voice , '' O ^' h captain jewel , captain jewel ; wisha , for Ood's sake , don ' t go near it or touch it , tor by gor there ' s nine charges in it yet' . that ' s only one of them -one off ; and they will all blow up and
turn . " A Farmer ' s Corps ron ^ etsvick . —In the year 1788 , when the Irish vvoaveis and all the little i rotcstants were just as loyal as the loyal royal Repealers of the present day , these worthies volunteered their services to constitute a volunteer cavalry corps in the neighbourhood of ( Jahvay , of vlii .-h the gallant captain was a parson . Government received daily accounts of the loyalty , the discipline , and the courage of this wonderful corps : and at iengtli notice was received by the gallant parson , that Lord Cathcart would be m Galway on the following Monday to inspect the loyal royal Protestant tinkers and tailors . No time was to " be lost . Not one of the gallant troopers had
ever mounted a horse . Horses hail to be borrowed , and the most to be made of the time . Well , Monday came * and Lord Cathcart came , and great was the consternation . There were the tinkers and tailors ; and there was the dog ' s-meat , with long tails , ami short tails , and no tails at all ; with saddles , and without saddles ; with bridles and halters , and without bridles or halters . Seeing the great Protestant zeal manifested , his lordship was willing to make all allowance for a first experiment . The troop was put in motion , and his lordsbip , to encourage , vouchsafed a familiar observation , such as , " How long liave mow been in the riding-school ? " No answer . " Pray what ' s your name ( " Still no answer . " Have you ever belonged
to any other corps i" No reply . " Would you volunteer into the line ? " Mum , and a sagacious look . The General coitW withstand this mditfeier . ee no longer , and roaring out at the top of his voice to the gallant parson , exclaimed " What the devil do you mean ; have these fellows no tongues ? " " Why , General ' <" ' " Why I have spoken to that man , and that man , and that fellow , and not a word could I get out of them . " " Come here , Tim Murphy ; why ilidn t you answer the General , you blackguard , when he was so civil as to speak to you ? " " Answer him is it , " said Tim ; " wisha , by Shasus , eaptain , I'd enough to do to mind my riding , without talking to the likes of him . The devil from a , but I be in dread of my life to spake , while I ' m riding : by the powers , I'd tall off as sure as da ' v . "
Tiurtt Years Ago . —Byron , in 1814 , wrote to his friend Tom Moore , to apprise him that he was an accepted lover . The letter ( which is as follows ) is an admirable specimen of easy and iamiliar correspondence : — " Newstead Abbey , Sept . 20 , 1844 .
" Here ' s to her who long Hath waked the poet ' s sigh ! The girl who gave to song What gold could never buy . " " My dear Moore , —I am going to be married : that is , I am accepted , and one usually hopes the rest will follow . My mother of the Gracchi ( that are to be ) you think too straight-laced for me , although the paragon of only children , ' and invested with 'golden inions of all sorts of men' and full of ' most West
op , conditions' as Dcsdemona herself . Miss Milbanke is the lady ; and 1 have her father ' s invitation to proceed there in my elect capacity ; which , however , I cannot do till 1 have settled some business in London , and I get a blue coat . She is said to be an heiress ; but of that I know nothing certainly , and shall not inquire But I do know that she has talents and excellent qualities ; and you yrill not deny her judgmeut after having refused six suitors and taken me . " Yours , BvR 0 x . "
. Seei ng- Through It . — " What is light ? " asked a schoolmaster of the booby of the class . " A sovereign that isn't full weight is light , " waa the prompt reply . Agrej : to Differ . — " You are no gentleman , " said an angry disputant to his antagonist . " Are you ?" quietly asked the other . " Yes , lam , sir . " " ; then 1 am not , " was the caustic reply . All One . axd no Chaxgk . — A gentleman finding his servant intoxicated , said : " What ! drunk again , Sam ? I scolded you for being drunk last night , and here you are , drunk again . " " No , massa : same drunk , massa ; same drunk , " replied Sambo . A Manly Advertisement .
very toanly < says a Canadian ing advertisement published fair sex :- "This is to certi Wright , have left my h wlwn account of his misconduct . I all right and title to him for that I can "take care of myself since and before marriage . "
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i ¦ I Djbcembeb 21 , 1844 . ¦ THE NORTHERN ST ^ R . j 3
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Novel Mode of PatiSg for the Marriage Ceremont . —On Sunday morning last an extraordinary proceeding took place at St . Mary Abbotts , Kensington , after the marriage of two individuals . The ceremony haying been performed ! by the Rev . Mr . Stevens before the morning service , the bridegroom , a waiter at an hotel in the neighbourhood , went into the vestry-room to pay the usual fees , his new-made bride being directed by him to wait at the porch till he had settled . The bridegroom , topon being told the amount of the fees he had to pay ( 8 s . Cd . ) commenced deliberately to count a vast number of farthings , which he placed four in a pile . He went on tin ' s way until the table was nearly covered , and the clerk suggested to him that it would be better , as he seemed determined to act in such an extraordinary manner , to count out the number at once ;| but , heedless of the advice , he went on till the little ] piles came to the amount he had to pay . The clergyman could not wait till the end oi the tedious financial operation , as he had to read the prayers in- the church . The farthings were soon changed for silver at a neighbouring house , and the whimsical bridegroom joined the bride , who was shivering with jcoW at the church door . ;
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Citation
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Northern Star (1837-1852), Dec. 21, 1844, page 3, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/ns/issues/vm2-ncseproduct838/page/3/
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