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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 2nd January 1869, Edition 1 of 1, Almanack, Page unpag, |A TRAGEDY FOR CHRISTMAS. Scene.—The ext...

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  • Departments (3)
    • TOMAHAWK'S HIEROGLYPHIC
    • BOOK-KEEPING BY DOUBLE ENTRY.
    • THE BACHELORS.
  • Text (7)
  • Transcript

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      _ The Tomahawk Almanack:.

      _ THE TOMAHAWK ALMANACK :.

      Tomahawk's Hieroglyphic

      TOMAHAWK'S HIEROGLYPHIC

      Tomahawk Mused. He Was Weary Of The Year...

      Tomahawk mused . He was weary of the year ' s work ; he Was heavy-hearted , and knew no P joy les . He the had World striven were hard still to make bad the . He world was better sad , and h e sa the id * c eop It is not my fault . If the Peop very les of the World will not , hearken to , my And voice Tomahawk , be theirs the mused sin , . as theirs is the folly !"

      And as he mused it seemed to him that the air was full of visions . flig He ht , looked and then up casting to the his blue eyes sk downwards y and followed he saw the this Eag : — le in its lofty First who a Demagogue had had who his was speaking and who to had a scanty failed audience to convince —a Dema the - gogue People—a Demagogue who say , made the tub his rostrum , and who And delighted as he in looked the , cheers Tomahawk of '' roug knew hs that "—the the app Demagogue lause of the was vul called gar .

      marks Beales , and , and who that deli the ghted man most who paid in his the antics greatest , was attention a gentleman to his —the remanager Then Tomahawk of a theatre— saw in search the coronet for a Christmas of a noble Pantaloon smeared with ! whitewash the meaning —and the of si this ght surpr disfigurement ised him ? much Surel . " JFor , " said of he gentl , " e what blood is would drag his title through the mire—the Bankruptcy Court is for the Next Peas passed ant , and before knows him not a the sad procession face of the Peer A coffin !" was borne along

      . by four mourners , and there followed after it a string of men who wept the wants bitterl of y the —men wealth who y , had and mad like e good hats and ( and cut commercial out coats ) , Samaritans who knew had on the ministered coffin the to word them TRADE . And Tomahawk , and he knew sig hed IT , H for he HE saw DEATH written where OF TRADE is Britannia DIED ? THOUSANDS Where is the Mother ! And he of cried England out aloud Wh , y " does Oh , she StAVr let AVrfl . her A . A . V ** . c VULJ hildren . VX & V 4 starve kJ ^ Uil » % * ? •" Next he two the first the Winner of the Derb

      for 1869 saw , and the second great mysteries ( a greater — wonder ) a literary man who had y been made a Peer ! Ladies He gazed who had again usurped into the the air ri , g and hts of strange Man , who fancies had floated stolen from befor him e him his . judicial seemed no wi change g , his sailor to him ' s . hat * ' , For his , " policeman said he , ' * ' s has tru not nche the on . head The of last the Metropolitan wafted on the bll Police air Mil a yel been l of dogs alway in s an old woman the bllv yell ? " seemed fc And he heard mean

      " ( f MLLVV SIR RICHARD ^ -4 * ^ w MAYNE ^ a ^ -a . V- * - *^^*^» J HAS »** agony ^^ £ *^^** NOT T , ••**» x ^ YET u T RES ^^* fc »* IGNED ^*^*»»^^ - » - w ^_ r AA i ! ! " un to hims , Tomahawk elf , " Very learning well , Sir this Ric , hard became , thou exceeding shalt find wrath that a , pen and is said as po Next werful it seemed a staff to , that him I that will a never dear , forget well-beloved thee ! " Princess was playing upon a piano an accompaniment to her husband's lecture . And he said one " Thou of thy giv acquaintance e a lecture , oh who Prince des erves Oh , a greater Prince , lecture dost thou than know the

      poor any unoffending Nile ? " And , hearing no answer , Tomahawk wh T ispered hen saw , " Are Tomahawk there no looking a wil -glass Stat es esman at Marlborough mad . House He ? had " knees crowned to thro s wife w down with a the coronet sword , y and of Revolution she prayed gone and him the on her b - ended of , mopcap a Liberty -weary . of But my mask the S . tatesman Let me said return , " to I am the sick ideas of of deception my youth , . I ' m I lefriend

      ho come w I of honour the Peop the empty , let bauble me be of on a ce diadem more the —I P cast eop it ' s from me . , and See drop it at the feet of my wife ! She may ennoble it by wearing it—let her N try ext ! s " aw Tomahawk a Premier at the grindstone , sharpening the noses of a batch of Irish Bishops—and he was horrified at the sacrilege . unto " For , " e said eleve n e bishops , " with , o ut heir th predecessors eir money will in t hese Church poor men , who be sailed like

      on th e en Se saw a of Tomahaw Galilee mo k re the than Emperor eighteen of hti Russia ndred firing years a ago cannon I " loaded with rose leaves , and teaching his soldiers to use scent instead of gunw po wder has . arriv And ed , Tomahawk and then we laughed shall see and whether said , it " is Wai wicked t till the to use day ex of - plosive Then bullet he heard s—whether the sound it is of fair a " to comic slaughter " song our , and enemies saw Sch ?" neider as " Black-eyed Susan , " and a certain Naval Duke dressed as " Captain Crosstree from , " and he is vul shuddered that cried , " Oh ailo ! tel is l me mariner not that onl any of

      one burlesque . F !" rance gar—our Royal Sr a y horse And in he a real looked uniform once . more And , and he marvelled saw Prince much Arthur that so riding gallant on a a sol toy - dier should have been a year in the Army without having become a Field Marshal I Princes Then for he saw the infection the King of of Denmark Queen Victoria " trotting and her out" unmarried sundry German daughters , and he wept bitterly , for he said , " Has the English aristocracy

      Tomahawk Mused. He Was Weary Of The Year...

      so degenerated that we must fseek afar for Foreign beggars when we want Then to marry he saw a e coarse children man of preaching our Soverei the gn words ? " of a Clown , and a laug Demagogue hed and g murmu iving red himself , " Every the airs man of has a Cabinet his price Minister , glitter . for And some he , gold Then for saw others he — honest every John man has Bull his price he ! w " leasedto notice that the joy old fellow he wondered was merr no y longer . But when " , Who he saw " said the p cause " w of , ould the old fellow happy ' s

      if Would presented , that I with , too ,. a could copy obtain . of that it without best , of pay magazines ing , the — paltry Britannia sum of ? a " shilling Then , for I Tomahawk know it to be a newl worth -made its wei Member ght in gold of Parliament ! and in his hands he held an Address . y And he was pleased to see , him in spite of his party views . " For , " said Tomahawk , in a Johnstonian tone Mr Mr . . , W W " . . a H H g . . ood S Smith mith citizen . Member Member will never of of Parliament Parliament make a bad for for statesman Westminster Westminster . Of is is a a a verity most most

      excellent man . He , is respected by his political enemies , , , and well beloved Next appeared by his friends a vision . " of a certain Nobleman cleaning the shoes of a without beggar . blarney And Tomahawk ? Cannot laug ye hed give to the said , poor " Cannot without ye be calling charitable their vices Then virtues he imag , and ined their that shortcomings he beheld the Gladstone attributes and of a Disraeli saint ? " walking arm-in-arm . And when he saw this , he knew that he was dreaming ! 4 k

      Book-Keeping By Double Entry.

      BOOK-KEEPING BY DOUBLE ENTRY .

      2 1 . St Nd January Yamiary .— .— Call C...

      2 1 . st nd January yamiary . — . — Call Call on on Jon Jones es and and borrow borrow a the book second . volume . 2 , rd January . —Cut him .

      The Bachelors.

      THE BACHELORS .

      |A Tragedy For Christmas. Scene.—The Ext...

      | A TRAGEDY FOR CHRISTMAS . Scene . —The exterior of an Eating House in the neighbourhood of Soho . Enter Brown and Rinaldo . Brown . This I kno is w the no joint place to . equal From that here ( jpoints to Golden ) . Then Square scan Rinatbo ( Th moodily at pudding ) But — the figure ?

      * Brown . \»\ XH A . nx , 7 V ( with \ ifWJW Shall energy \ JVt cost / Vyjm . ) on . JLFUU Christmas LUC UgUiO Day * What wake ? up The cost t Like To stand some betwixc pale damned Rinnldo ghost and ? his Oh hope t I . could weep "When men grow mercenary , and play The I would miser he o Antony ' er a sight , and like laurel that crowned ! ( points , to joint ) Let ' s in ; Raise Tha , m . kj Polic < iu t < all % s uch . i ! uuuw Soho Police wild ouuul should revelry ! Police l ring i uij within ^ ! again t * f , t * itt these , j and auu shout ouuuu walls Let ,

      Rinaldo ( That " restraining windowed e Mm cheer ) , has touched " ( fiercely Nay , a ) hold . hidden ! ' s chord in 1 Within Upon the tails brink breast the , tha purpose t gives of me my pause soul , ! and stays Brown ( with While bitte steaming r sarcasm joints ) . Rinaldo grow cold , it , would and hungrier seem , mtist men ape the sphinx , And Ache i' the that eye with chord watchings ere Brown . Come and , look he sharp , Who snap Rinaldo ug y part ,

      IT 11 U was WtlO JLt / llift 1 UU once UlllJO , | ftUU company l ^ WllA £ ftl > IJJ ,, Dost And din hear e , ? like the Colossus' feet , apart . RiNAr . no . You I do see , and yon hearing dish on make which my that choice royal ( seizing meat Brown by the arm ) . Reposes like an Emperor I Mark well Bear Its pnttera footballs —some , and far pagodas Eastern rise scene , and , birds where trees Kiss Recalls Recalls in mid my my youth youth air ( loltk , , my my ewio youth youth tion ) the the . That cheery cheery willow board board pattern . plate

      At Sent which live , good a careless times b for . » y , beef I gorged , and , saw and my gorged plate , . That So piled but with f- » r my greens swift and appetite other dainty it must things , That Have Tne day ove cracked n was now ended beneath , after in the such the lapse load g ' ufc of 1 of ( years Brown fare , , starts , ) And for the rest , Browx . Be I sicken calm at I tho thought ! Rinaldo . When When now now I I have have to to moot moot What the the ? chilling chilling Calm , blast blast . ,

      Panes And lace not my my dhristma own , but . s to revol be hired throuyh and the bought panes . , Liito Bought tho with steel tho fork waiter I use ' s , hollow the beer welcome I drink ! , Bought And Tim lying this when " Merry all tlio Christinas rjady cash " of I mine have host ! Brown . Gods Is ninopemeo ! and is farthing that all ? t Brown Rinaldo . . All , as groat Cro « Then ar lived I'll I away , Dining on ninopon' .-c farthing ne ' er will pay . \ lixcilnt .

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Jan. 2, 1869, page unpag, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/attw_02011869/page/16/