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    January z, iS6 9:\ THE TOMAHA WK. 9

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    THE AMATEURS I THE AMA ^ TEURS!! By an E...

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    The Amateur Author—Macauley Fitz-Muddle....

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    CHRISTMAS AMONG THE PAPERS.

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    Scene—A Printing Office on New Year's Ev...

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  • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

    Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.

    January Z, Is6 9:\ The Tomaha Wk. 9

    January z , iS 6 9 : \ THE TOMAHA WK . 9

    The Amateurs I The Ama ^ Teurs!! By An E...

    THE AMATEURS I THE AMA ^ TEURS !! By an Ex-Amateur of Two Feet .

    The Amateur Author—Macauley Fitz-Muddle....

    The Amateur Author—Macauley Fitz-Muddle . The " Hercules Quarrel " comes . The out . First Cawley Number 7 s Preparation . . A these The truthful day after page the s , wonderful I presented " dinnaw myself " before already Cawley described , £ and in told him that | A I must have a little serious chat with him .

    ¦ re If ady f " Very JJ ^^ to ^^^ attend ^ I well ^ 9 ^ , " ^^ said ^ to AJ , fc > a ^^ ^ p h fellaw tf e , " ^^ I . ' m on if a business V V man ^^ bw * w ^^ 4 fe of ^ bk ^^ . business " »*^» ^^ ^^ m » ^ p , and ^ rw ^ v w ^^ am ^ 4 v >^ w always is " ' The Quite Hercules so , " I returned 1 . Are you . quite What sure I wa you nt mean to talk going to yo int u about o it ?" " Of course I do—if it costs me a hundred pounds I'll stick to the notion . " criedand burst into fit of

    " Wh " A y hundred , my dear pounds boy , you 1 " couldn I ' t , even start a . dail a y paper laughter under . ten thousand !" H " Well e turn , " e said d rath I , e " as red you , and have observed made " up haw your ! " mind , I can at bear any rate all the put responsibility you in the way B of - the the- thing byeis , on ' The ly m Hercules ind you ' must be

    a morning or an evening . paper y ? " , " A fellaw has to work a great deal in the night with a morning papaw "Yes , , " ha I an ' t s he wered ? " . papaw " Oh . , then You / know ' he observed in the season , "' a Herctiles fellaw can * must 't spare be an any evening of his time ^ PA ^^^^^ r at ™ w ^ m ^ ni ^^^^^ g fc ht ¦ " » w . " * #

    " Quite so . " I So will " The pass Hercules over the " next was sentenced couple of to days be , an ( Cawley evening was daily very . great anxious rap to idity get , ) spen the t " in securing aw" out an and office pushed , organizing things a on staff with of the compositors day on which , and arrang " The ing Hercules for the " machining was fixed , to and make will come its first to appearance Cawley had . asked me to come to his sanctum to see the

    opening number through its troubles . At nine o ' clock I turned up Editor , and non found est . the compositors greedy for " copy" and the ^ made *»^«* v The ^* f » ^ bb' a « p w P feeble ublisher ^ b »* ^^ p ^^ ^» ¦ ^ b ^ attempt ¦ ' ^ ^ ( a ^^^ man —^ ^^ ^» " to ^ ^ who p * ' manage 1 ¦ took ^^^^^^^» ^^ an some ^^ ^^ - » interest - ^ w - ^ p arrangement —— ¦ ^ ^ h » ^~ in ^ ^^ fc ^^ his ^^ - » ^^ ^— work ^ ^ ^ for ^^ v ^ ) pro h had ^ ^ m - ^^

    -viding ful . He the stood trade , as an the attempt clock which struck had ten been , the partiall very y pictur success e of - vertisement despair—not had an been advertisement sent out . had been collected , not an adbegged standing The Printer me still to , came and suppl costing down y them to the with me proprietors at a little a quarter copy a host , to the eleven of men money , were and . a M few oved paragraphs by the piteous from face " The of the Times Printer " and , I as consented the clock to cut struck out

    the place hour . , Cawley , the great Editor himself , stalked into the " I gave Capital him time my — op told inion you about I was his a good business fellaw qualities for business , and told ! " him what I had had to do . Editor " On , my you soul or I , ? that " 's too bad , " he cried angrily . " Who ' s the me I to put come on my back hat explaining and immmi was mi leaving that he «« , when was annoyed Cawley beseeched about the

    paragrap — — ^ ^ " Well ~^ *^ r ^^ , hs ^ " said ir , as ^ v h ^ r he I , , v had " if m ^^ that wanted ^^ ' s the ^ ^ v the ^^^ i ^ ^ case paper ^ ^ r , what * « to ^ w be v ^ va ^ are AriB quit ^ vr ^ v you ^^ e ^* ai ori «* w going m ginal ^ ^^ ^ m ^ 0 . to ^^ r put " Oh into , lots it ?" of things , " he replied rather vaguely . " " Well Glad , to Parker hear it said , " I he observed would write drily , " something but what ? about " flowers lots for But the of othaw what button things -hole . . " That will be one thing , and—and—oh ,

    " ?" riages u Oh , ' , when of course the public we can bring put in ' em the . " ' births , deaths , and mar" 'And Quite — - so hem , when !—well the , public I say , bring you know ' em . " youVe brought out a lot that of ' s a pap good aws— fellaw what . " would you put in ? Give a fellaw a hint , " WellJ first of all , there ' s the City . "

    The Amateur Author—Macauley Fitz-Muddle....

    "Oh , a cousin of mine is an underwriter or something at Lloy Letter d ' s . written I will write and despatched to him at once by commissionaire . " . " " No Then ; wh have y should you made I ? " any ' arrangement with Reuter 1 " " " " Y Yes To es get . b but ut some that that forei fellaw fellaw gn news Parker Parker . " told told me me that that he he would would get eret his his

    brother Continent , ( a . " man in Emvagry Pericola ) to send us all th' news on gone " Quite to Reuter so ; but * s . Next I think have it would you arranged have been anything better with to have the reporters "Of course ? " I have . I forgot that , " he exclaimed with tr te i legrap umph h to " I me ' ve the got Eton Tommy boat Tinkler races * to What go down do to think Eton to of

    that W » -LW £ ~ M V > 4 » USAJL hV 1 X 1 V blAV J—* WV- ** Ik / WtAW *&* WWfcJ » . * * *** - * W ^* X ^ you J W W * « v & A * 4 X' -a > ^^* Not Wh a soul y , that care you s a have in gone for the to Eton great boat expense races about and nothing the tele- . p , gram I am will sorry arrive to say too that late for this insertion little speech , even caused if anybody a serious did ! row " , and that I was forced to leave my friend Cawley to his fate .

    cules Two ? pas Four sed c and ame three and fiv arrived e departe , and , still and there as six was was no striking " Herstat I passed e of the by most the offi fri ce htful . The excitement Publisher and rushed screamed out to out me rather in a than uttered the following g words : — , After " Please a time , sir ,, it did ' s coming come ! and " I will analit for the benefit of posterity : — , yze

    " The Hercules" was composed of—Cuttings „ from ,, Standard Times' Newspaper ,,. . . . . . So 5 . „ ,, Telegraph „ .... 5 Accounts with naug of " improper hty words "' in inquests them ) ( unreliable .. and . 9 Orig print inal ) matter ( consisting chiefly of the im- i

    100 It will be seen that there was no account of the 4 th of June . I heard afterwards that the telegram arrived the next morning . lines blue It was sk was delay y , rather sunshine ed b expensive y its and length flowers , so . , I It heard and was containing a afterwards very clever some . essay hundre upon d As for me , the next day I received the following note : — " « Hercules > Office

    " 4 th June , , 9 p . m . a little " My irritable dear Boy this , —Pray morning come , I to know -morrow . So and would hel you p me be . if I you was hole had been / and promised had never an received article upon it . That ' Flowers snob for the cousin Button in - Lloyd ' s , wrote as follows : —* Dear Cawley , —You , my ask me how things are in the City ? Pretty utterl well , thank you . —Yours ever ,

    unless L . Longbowyer you help . me ' I . am Pray come y upset to , the and office shan ' t to get -morrow over it . top Tommy bad of Tinkler him to hasn play ' t the sent fool his so telegram . yet from Eton . It ' s " Yours sincerely , "M . FlTZMUDDLE . " and I went burial next of C day awley , and ' s new in due " papaw course . " you shall hear of the death

    The Amateur Author—Macauley Fitz-Muddle....

    * It was the 4 th of June *

    Christmas Among The Papers.

    CHRISTMAS AMONG THE PAPERS .

    Scene—A Printing Office On New Year's Ev...

    Scene—A Printing Office on New Year ' s Eve . Copies of tha The " Times Clock , " the strikes " Telegraph Twelve , , " and and they the become Tomahaw animated k discovered . . Times . —Well , I ' m very glad that 1868 is over . The amount of of . rubbish I ' ve had to print this year is too horrible to think

    • Telegraph Times . —Yes . — ; Been I had to to the do theatre all the pantomimes lately ? on Monday . Times Telegraph . —Covent . —So Garden had I . , very What good did — you scenery think excellent of them . Matt ? Morgan ' s transformation delightful .

• Citation
  • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Jan. 2, 1869, page 9, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_02011869/page/9/