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    A ugust 8, 1868.] THE TO MA HA WK. $7

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    « THE B UMNHAM SCR UBS R. V. C"

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    Chapter III.— To Passages wn. The in Mys...

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  • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

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    A Ugust 8, 1868.] The To Ma Ha Wk. $7

    A ugust 8 , 1868 . ] THE TO MA HA WK . $ 7

    « The B Umnham Scr Ubs R. V. C"

    « THE B UMNHAM SCR UBS R . V . C "

    Chapter Iii.— To Passages Wn. The In Mys...

    Chapter III . — To Passages wn . The in Mysteriotis the History Statue of an ! ex-prosperous I will Before just tell I proceed you a little to describe about the Burnham Regimental Scrubs Supper itself , . I think You see , as one of its defenders , it is only natural that I should wish g to lind ish impress me companion at any you time with , into degenerating its a importance downright from bore —so . a pray frolicsome pardon , if me not if wag you - Burnham Scrubsa few since was one of the most

    dismal spots in the , world , years a short time after it suddenly write freshened the rei up gn and of gloom became has comparativel set in with tenfold y lively , severity and now . You as I would like to know what caused the sunshine to which I have alluded ? "Yes . " Very well then , why not say so at once , making instead a of suggestion hesitating to about so august the matter a person ? " as You a Lieutenant are afraid in of the I don Burnham ' t wish Scrub to be s too R . V hard . C . " upon Well , you there ! ' s Let something ' s say no in more that .

    about it . I have observed that Burnham Scrubs was a dismal spot . I will now add , with your kind ¦ permission very , until the arrival of Mr . Charles H . Parafine . Parafine came from the man United , " and States in Eng , and land was , when what successful is termed , a in " Merchant America " Prince a smart ;" this or , when descri foul ption weather of Parafine has it set is in scarcel , a " y miserabl necessary e thief to add . " After that our amiable h American wp > came down to Burnham Scrubs ¦ to

    ^* r ^^ m ^ *^^ p . ^^ p- ^ ¦ * vp ^ p * ^^ r ^ ^^ ^ PB ^»^ b ^ «^ # > ^ b T i pj * Y ^ b ^ pj ^ p » ^ i ^ mm ppi ^ h ^ pi ^ p ^ ^ p ^ p * ^ P *^ * " ^ p ^^ pi ^ p- ^ p ^ ^^^» ^ p ^« pr ^^~ ^ m ^ m ¦ h ^^— ^— —m ^ — ¦ ¦ ¦ i ^^ ^ p- " ^^ " financere On his arrival , " that at is the to say Green , to swindle Lion Inn . he noticed in the yard the armour ugly- and looking a truncheon statue of . an Moss ill-favoured had grown man over , got up the in leg Roman s and the lower , part of the Lody , and the weather had disfigured the head piece . this " Hi work J waiter of art , " " cried just « r P come arafine here , wh * a PWPP m bit PP » W he . " had carefully examined

    • *• ¦ «* " ^ V ^ P ^ » «¦* . ¦ ^ pP ~ ¦ * ^^ f . — V , ¦ * f ^ pT ¦ £ * ^^ ^ pW PB > 4 p »^ pT ^» ^ pT ^ * V P " often " Yes that , sir a , " traveller said the found waiter his , coming to Burnham up quickl Scrubs y ( it was so when not they got hold of one they , made way the most of him ) . " , Yes , sir . Anything " Who ' s I this can ? do " asked , sir ? Parafine Thank you , tapp , sir ing . " the statue with his cane . here here " Well a a m manv , any sir , year -years it ' s unbeknown s , and and not not , one one sir . in in . That the the town town there knows knows statue anything any has thing laid

    about it . He was , an ugly-looking gent whoever he was ; and as for " his Very dress much , wh so y , it ' * said must Parafine ' ave been . quite *• And ridicklus now waiter !" tell me who " Mr your . Coke Mayor , sir is . , and He ' where s our he lawyer lives , . " sir . Been Mayor this twelve " He years must . be Re a - popular elected every man then year , I " sir . " and " Well the waiter , not exactly assumed popular a manner , sir half . But -confidential the fact of half the - matter servile is " , " I

    think people in these parts rather fear him . Everybody owes , the everybod County y something Court , and " , and knows as the the lawyer Judge quite is up to pleasantl all the y ways , he ' s of a great man in his way . He'd as soon issue a writ as look at you , if not sooner . " " Where does he live 1 "

    Mr "At . Parafine Blackstone marched Lodge off , sir through . " the dreary High street with its its Grocer Chemist 's shop shop ( ( with with linendraper a hosiery business ' s department in the attached back parlour ) , and ) , and its Butcher ' s shop ( thriving so wonderfully on boots , shoes , and knocke joints d , and ) , until was sh he own arrived in by at a red the -headed Mayor ' servant s residence , who . kept He search him waiting of her in master the hall . After among five the minutes umbrellas ' de while lay Parafine she went was in

    ushered into the Lawyer ' s Sanctum . blue " Now spectacles then , " ) said , savagel Coke y , ( a " What very small may man you , want all red ? If face you and ' ve his come widow about the Jones day ' s before affair yesterday I may tell , and you got at once his eldest that we son sold com up - fortably in gaol on Monday night . " " I don't know Jones and never did / ' replied Parafine . Mrs " . So Allen much ' s little the better all , eh . ? Well Well , then , you , I s'pose ' t have you ' it ve because come about I've spent it . And there ' s an end to that matter . "

    " Hang Mrs . Allen a ^ her little all !" " By all means . Then you want me to help you out of your difficulties ?" " You help me ! " exclaimed Parafine with supreme conto tempt ? I . have " Why compounded , man alive , with do my you creditors know who four you times are in talking three have months ( for , received years ) gone eight regularl hundred y throug writs h in the a sing Bankruptcy le season Court , and

    every Monday morning before luncheon . " " " To Well make , what your do you fortune want ! " ? And " then the American explained his plan . The lawyer listened , stared , and smiled . * * * * * * * * A few days later and Burnham Scrubs was absolutely frantic

    with local and boys excitement station shouting master . . Flags to Additional bring were visitors fly trains ing , bells fro had m ring nei been ghbouring ing put , guns on b firing towns y the , and to the there joyous never spot had . , Bottles been such of ginger a demand beer sold for sherbet by the . score The , with Chemist false , always noses equal made to of the card occasion -board , filled and his comic shop bonnets window fashioned out of coloured , paper . The But , cher got in a barrel , of beerand ! the Grocer openly invited- the f public to partake Pv of

    ^ r A *^^ ^^ ^^ * , ^ i ^ ¦¦ - ! . _ w A ^ ^^ ^»> h & ^^ ^* r ^^^ ^^ W ^ ^^ ^^^ r ^^^ v ^^ ^^ ^ i v ^^ ^ m ^ ^^ **^ ~ ^ ^^ ** ^^ »^ ^^ ^ " ^^ ^>^ —• " had Tea been , bread such and a time butter for , Burnham and watercresses Scrubs . , 6 Every d . " There body looke never d happy and ( later in the day , after the Butcher ' s barrel had become a empty advertised ) glorious . to The come great off attraction in the market of the hour lace was the " Inauguration ceremony of the Statue by His Worshipful the Mayor p " , ( to quote from one of the numerous placards that had been sown broadcast by Mr . Parafine ) .

    It It was was a a beautiful beautiful si sierht ght . . In In the the centre centre of of a a number number of of re re--American served seat . s Between ( only half the -a-c two rown heroes a piece was ) stood lanted Coke the and Statue the covered by a white table-cloth . On the right p was the Burnham , beadle Scrubs policeman to the left , conversing sat the little affabl irls y with attached the Burnham to the Burnham Scrubs ; g

    their Scrub youthful s Charity voices School in , re ( partiall ady at y ) a sweet moment melody ' s notice , and the to lift rest up of the company was composed of visitors from neighbouring towns . ceremony " Ladies is and about gentlemen to commence , " said . I the now Mayor beg , to " inaugurate this imposing this mav Statue our our . children children May it remain reverence reverence here its its in memorv our midst . and and long mav and it it prosperous never never know know ; may memorymay

    , what and Coke it is pulled to bask away in the the table sun - of cloth adversity , amidst . great Statue cheering , be free ! of " the bystanders . At a sign from Parafine the Charity Children drowned struck up by the the " deep Evening tones H of ymn the , " church and soon bells their and the voices constant were exp Thus losions with of the great village joy and gun . some profitdid the inhabitants of

    Burnham , Scrubs erect a Statue , TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR !* Parafine and the Mayor after this little matter became firm

    moters friends the regeneration . , and Among entered of other Burnham into things a speculation , Scrubs this scheme and which the was pockets had to g for ive of its the its object p pro lace - boulevard public baths s , a , theatre two or , several three streets churches of ( magnificent creeds assorted mansions ) , some , and three a monster rural Crystal hotels Palace , a new . town Great hall preparations , a couple were of clubs made or , and so , a good deal was done to some of the foundations j but unhappily the ^ p ^ w ¦¦ ^ v . w scheme v ^ p ^ v ^ ^^ ^ v ^ H . ^^ r w fell ^^ r ^ H ^ v throug ^ v ^ m ^ m ^^ ^^ v a h ^ ^ m . v One ^^^ ^ * ^^ p * *~ fine ^ ^ ^ ^^ day H pi ^>^ g Mr — * ™ ^ . w Parafine *« w ^ m h v ^* ^ m ^ ^ ^^ v ^ started ^ m ^ r ^*^ ^ . v ^ vp" "ww for ^ ^^ ^ v

    with the £ all / -nited the available States , and cash one he wet could afternoon lay his the hands Mayor upon absconded . Burnham Scrubs never recovered the blow . The place bemost came more of the dismal houses than fell ever into . The decay inhabitants . The resident languishe gentry d , and . in quarrelled the Parish amongst Church themselves . The incense , and the was Parson pretty but took unpopular to incense , and hadn ' t been in use a month before the congregation left the longer Parish . Church On the en next mas Sunday se , and refused the lax to and occupy reckless the went pews to any the stu * nds This a statue narrative without Is founded it name upon under Tact it . . Hut Not l » n us thousand . h !—lto matter miles , from \ vu must one dissemble of the Channel I Islands

• Citation
  • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Aug. 8, 1868, page 57, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_08081868/page/9/