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    December lit, 1868.] THE TOMAHA WK. 2$g

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    THE AMATEURS! THE AMATEURS!! By an Ex-Am...

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    First Study — the Author Amateur — Macau...

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  • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

    Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.

    December Lit, 1868.] The Tomaha Wk. 2$G

    December lit , 1868 . ] THE TOMAHA WK . 2 $ g

    The Amateurs! The Amateurs!! By An Ex-Am...

    THE AMATEURS ! THE AMATEURS !! By an Ex-Amateur of Two Feet .

    First Study — The Author Amateur — Macau...

    First Study — the Author Amateur — Macauley Fitz-Muddle its use . . In The the Smoking Epicurea -room n , its -. tl ubi A quity " Saturday , its members Reviewer , and " The Amateur Unmasked . A low cad . " Ca 7 vley ' s " The Ideaw Editor . " The of the ? iew Tomahawk " papaw . " a fool The fear / What of " the Punch new . " "papaw " wasn't like . The Proposed " Dinnaw" accepted . conceit Last the week incompetency I announced and my Mi the V determination - utter follof VJL that WAACVW to expose large AWAg ^ class the

    UVillUWlla , I . L . 1 . W lllVViliMVl'WJ . J . UJ j , MA ^ V ** MWWWA * W * JU . y ^ VJ . MU <^ of sure Eng in lishmen redeeming —th my e Amateurs pledge by . presenting This week you I have with a great pen- plea and- - ink [ As sketch I have of no Macauley wish to Fitz be - personal Muddle . , I will say nothing of his or " outer blue , man brown . " My hair frien or d red may , he be may tall or wear short diamond , have bl rings ack eyes or for emeral all / d shall scarf- say pins about , be hatted the matter by Lincoln . No , or I shall coated only by tell Poole of , his A 110 U deeds ^ VU . J , j leaving J . V * O > V JLXX ^ his U 1 < J dress VI . J . V * ••?* - > to fc-V his iiij tailor bM * lJ . \/ lj , and UL 1 U his H 1 J chapeaux ^^ tf ^ y ^ li'M ' oV to LV /

    those who send in the bills for his hats . Some people may saythey that his do , costume I won ' t be is so the impolite only good as to thing contradict about them him . . ] Well , if Ep But icurean to — continue and it is . in We the both smoking belong -room to , of the the sam Epicurean e club— that the I I generall have had y meet a modest him . Eh dinner bienen ( cut voyage off the . Time joint , eig and ht o ' clock a pint p . m of . one sherry of ) , the and sofas am in enj the oying smoking a manill -room a-cheroot trying . to I read am the lying Pall on Mall Gazette or the 12 th or 13 th edition of the Glowworm

    . Other members are seated on chairs chatting quietly , or dozing ( in some cases ) noisily . [ Enpassant I may say that I don ' t mean any club in particular establishment by the Epicurean —a club —I which simply has take a a Committee respectable of middle old fog -class ies a and good brainless cellar , youngsters a club which , a supports club which the boasts Times a clever and repudiates chefaxid . the the Tomahawk Tomahawkthe the Record Recordand and papers naoers of of that that class class ; : in in fact fact .

    a club which suits , , rich " City , , men " admirably , and is "just , the thing" for youthful snobs attempting to creep ( when no of one place is looking I mean ) ** . into There society are . " heaps Oh , everybody of ' em in town knows just the now kind . but Not * of bad course things you in mustn their ' t way allow . You yourself may to safely be put dine up for in them them , . As a journalist is outside the pale of civilise / i society , anyplace will do for me—so / belong to the Epicurean . ] To continue , we are all enjoying ourselves more or less . The

    waiter ( in a gorgeous livery—all plush and waistcoat ) is leaving the voice room , when our friend , Fitz-Muddle , calls out in a loud " Waiter Heaw , waitaw ( returning 1 Come obedient heaw to ! the " summons ) . —Yes , Sir . Fitz-Muddle . —Just bring me a brandah and sodah . Waiter Fitz-Muddle . —Thank { in you a , still Sir— louder { going ) vo . ice and with a glance round the roo ? n ) . —And waitaw , bring me some more foolscap

    papaw nan Waiter aw , . and and { some some going more more ) . —Thank pens Dens , , you waitaw waitaw , Sir . ! ! { Exit waiter . Myself { waking ) . —Hallo , Cawley , my boy — writing as usual . for Fitz Macauley -Muddle , by s { uch not a half " cad liking " as to I ) . — be Yars called , I " 'm Cawley very hard ? short at work . Lots to do . Since dinnaw I've written a leader for the " doing V-1 A - ^^ J- , **^ B ^ tVl an ., " * CVI article knocked > W 4 WAW for *^^ A off the v **« a Saturday sonnet ^ fcW * f ^ ( Vl > V for / . the "P . Q ., " and I'm now

    Myself . —Really ! I didn ' t know you were on the staff of the Fitz Saturday -Muddle . ( with another glance round the rooni ) . —Oh , yars , I write ' em a leader every week . of Myself the i Satur ( thin day king ' have to myse been lf " about what the deuce such can the idiot Editor as Cawley write for him" ) . —Well ! I ' m really glad to hear it . was Oh , you ours 'll get last on week , my 1 boy—knew you would ! Which article Fitz y -Muddle , ( rather confidentially ) . —We \\ , to tell the truth , there wasn ' t any article of mine in the Saturday last week .

    Myself ( with returning hope ) . —Indeed 1 Well , the week before 1 <* ' Fitz-Muddle ( more confidentiall y ) . —As far as I remembaw ,., I don't think there was — Fitz Myself -, Muddle ( with joy ( b ? ' ) ing — . ing Or the his chair week before up to me that and ? speaking very

    confidentially ) . —Don ' t talk so loud ; we are disturbing the othaw journalist membaws ) . that I don none ' t of mind my articles telling have you appeared ( as you are in the a brotH Satur aw - day as yet . I have reasons for believing that the editor is keep circulation ing ' em , or to something bring ' em all of th out at in sort one . numb However aw , to ( with send return up the - appeared ing boldness in ) " , you The 7 Earthing 'eally should Rtishli read gJit the , a last Magazine thing of for mine Girls that " — Myself rather after ( gathering Tennyson 7 , nyself but kI ( from together what and t / I ' m preparitig told ) bettaw to . leave ¦ itwi

    J . YJL X O-Ji- 'JU /* . \ < 1 Li / Csfl' & f **/* -w // IM '^ v j € / cS t' ** ' * fr' ' . c ^ ' £ * f * "J £ * * . % sr *" "fy * *•* •¦• - ' .-self the , rooni but if ) . — you Look like , my to send boy , it I won to me ' t swear I will g that ive it I' over ll read to a it pro my - - mising really will eight appreciate -year-old it I . know Good — ni my ght sister , old man Jennie . . Now \ Exit . she Fitz-Muddle ( to intimate friend ) . —Low cad that fellaw ? brains Intimat awfull e y Friend bad form . — . Yars Something , very low to . do Fellaw with with the brains papaws — , isn 1 O 11 ' t C he 111 ^ ? . Awful mistake in low cads

    Fitz-Muddle . —Yars . letting . Intimate Friend . —Very " much so . [ Enter flourishes waiter a lot with ' of foolscap about paper and . the Fitz scene -Muddle closes i in . pens , Cawley and I were never on very good terms ; I hated the he man was ' s conceit reall , a and bad he fellow detested at heart my outspokenness but his foible . I was don too 't believe much for meIf ± y we VV both LTV blA had given & » r Vll writing , I daresay Jfc we should •»«& # kA

    1 U 1 11 L ^« . * . W J . XC « VA V up *** Jt O 9 , ^ - * . H ** W »»** J ** N ^ _ . ^« . w * . was have ( at become least on very my good part ) friends impossible ; but , we as were such a an sort arrangement of amiable writing enemies a . sensation One evening story as , he I was came hard in smoking at work a in very my strong study , cigar . Cursing sotto voce my carelessness in leaving the " oak ^ of my chambers un- " sported , " I looked up and greeted my visitor . " Don ' t mind smoke , old fellaw ? " " No let , " said finish I , " this sit down and make the yourself heroine comfortable to .

    Just the mast me of a sinking ship page in —I the ' ve Atl got antic , and want cling to ing bring my "Oh hero , don to 't rescue mind me her . . " Shan ' t be an instant . " your Scratch service — — scribble what — is scratch it ? " , and then 1 cried , " Now I ' m at " I " ' ve Well got ; " an he ideaw looked . " at his cigar and blew a cloud of smoke , ' •' " My let dear me boy congratulate , " I seized his " hand and wrung it heartily ,

    pray 11 Oh , don ' t play the fool you , " he . said testily , " why can ' t you be serious when a fellaw comes to you on business ?" " Business . I'll be serious . Fire away . " out " I a ' m pap thinking aw . I , " know said Billy he in Townshend a pompous , and tone he , " says of bring he can ing and write knows , and Johnny they were Parke afraid r , who to sent put something it in , and— to and Punch , oh , once a lot , of other fellaws . I'm to edit it , of course , and the other fellaws will be the staff "

    . " Well , then , what do you want with me ?" and " Oh how , you you could correct put the me spelling up to how j and you tell look me through where I proofs could , get " a What fellaw ' s it to to sell be the like thing ?" , you know , and all that . " " Well , it ' s rather hard to describe . " " Will it be anything like the Times ?" will " No be , much " said like he , the after Times some ? consideration , " I don ' t think it

    " Like the Athenceum ?" <( Well , no , not exactly—that ' s to say , not much like it . " " Or the Tomahawk ?" Bes " id Oh es , no the , " editor he cri ' ed s a , quickl downright y ; " that fool ' s you an know awfull : y he low refused papaw a . lot " of Well thing , then s / , sent the him Illustrated 1 " London News ? " " No—at least , I don't think so . Fact is , T don ' t know exactly what it will be like . "

• Citation
  • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Dec. 12, 1868, page 259, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_12121868/page/9/