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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 15th February 1868, Edition 1 of 1, Page 65, They are over at last! thank Heaven !—an...

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    • HOME JFOR TUB HOLIDA YS; \ *E IN~G THE D...
    • "NOBLESSE OBLIGED
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      February 15, 1868.] The Tomahawk. 65

      February 15 , 1868 . ] THE TOMAHAWK . 65

      Home Jfor Tub Holida Ys; \ *E In~G The D...

      HOME JFOR TUB HOLIDA YS ; \ * E IN ~ G THE DTSTRA CTED REFLECTIONS OF A PA TER-GRANDI-FA MILIAS .

      They Are Over At Last! Thank Heaven !—An...

      They are over at last ! thank Heaven !—and the final batch of boys has just started for the academy at B— . Every question has two aspects—most things have two ends therefore ( except circles , doubtless and taxes , boys , to and which parents there regard is never the any question end ) and of with holidays vary in ing different feelings li . ghts , and view the beginning and the end All I know is that 7 sons at home for 7 weeks ( equal to 1 son for removing iVr 49 weeks £ me , or to 343 a lunatic XU 11 sons UULO for CLwJ lum XV 1 4 XXX day if ) the bllV will / dose UVJ go very is repeated far L /^ Cll towards and

      JL ^ Li worn V XJ . X ^ my M . HL * poor kU C * wife almost . asyJ to a thread paper ; -1 . \ indeed ^ . VUa , , Mrs O . UU . Smith , I may say , is almost a myth , or vanishing fraction . present By-the large -bye and , can still a Smith increasing become numbers a myth of ? that Possibl renowned y not name in the . In philology the addition of the letter S to a word seems to intensify its meaning . Thus we melt wax , but we must smelt iron ; we 7 / iash potatoes , but we smash passengers in a railway speculators collision ; . small Reall thieve y it is s a seriou are called s reflection peculators the great , large effect ones of a small addition to UU a word VV / 1 U and if the addition of a single Shas

      OlllCL such an aUUlkLUli effect upon C * . a name . ; j CLLIU , what . XX 111 must V * C 4 . U . U be . J . IJ-VSJLJ the . \ JM . dreadful < A * JlllglV > conse * - *• . liaJ - quence of the addition of a double S ., especially to a gentleman who by all rejoices my friends , as I . do To , in me the such name an of appendage John ; familiarl would y termed be debasing Jack the indeed horrors . As of VIRGIL the siege says of , when Troy , his " Horresco hero is relating referens to , " DIDO which ANY turned ASS when . would I look doubtless back upon translate my dreadful " My tale head . " is completely * * •* * * * *

      Dear me . Where was I ? I am so distracted by my 343 tale sons before , now happ I have ily begun departed my , that story I . have Yes , got I had to just the end converted of my Mrs . Smith into a myth—z ^ zphilologically speaking . And now we perty must ; and collect try to our recover remains our , healths both of and ourselves our scattered and of furniture our pro- . Two hundred pounds will not repair the wear and tear on the premises ija v ^ uiioco caused i / auovu b uy y those wxxv / jw j seven ^ vvh dear « - *^« . x boys t- / K sy & . m Coming \ s \ si . i ± j .. ii £ h from k / xix

      various at Woolwich quarters one , two from from H . College M . S . Britannia at M— , one two from from the school R . M . A at . field Brighton Villa , , and they , one have from , with the preparatory natural esprit school , de close corps to ( literall Smith y - translated ) , endeavoured to impart to the whole septagon the gymnastic and other muscular accomplishments of their several academies . b The housemaids of \ their report having five been half- adapted tester beds to % \ utterl the liiw y deformed of

      swings uy y 1 reason v . aouii , six clothes jm . tnwii horses xj , t * vxxjg ridden l / uuu to c ^ ucyj death ^ ^ vt , and , j fourteen purposes uuijJUOto dining - tics room . chairs The butler ricked reports out of all a fe shape arful , demolition through a course of the of best gymnas china - footman service , and the an destruction inconvenien of his t shortness sky-blue livery of wine , with glasses the contem . The - poraneous interior fittings disappearance of the famil of y filter two . bottles The coachman of blacking regrets and the to say vac-V y that bliai . every V * V K * l V buckle VJ UV ^ mv has **< . t * 9 been \ j \ + \* l . x . abstracted UM 4 U *•* . * - « b ^ vi from llUlll the IXH * harness XXCLL ll ^ Og \ of JL

      Mrs . Smith ' s pony carriage . The gardener reports ninety-seven broken panes in the conservatory , and the total removal of lead from his largest hot-water cistern ; and from the farmyard we hear that three of the pigs have been shaven quite clean , and enough afterwards to g painted ive them with their black deaths stri of pes cold , like this funereal severe weather zebras ;— , — dressed while the with cows leaden have points been driven , in the half best mad manner by having of the their Ashango tails tribes .

      for Well seven well weeks , boys in must the be winter boys . , but Ah need ! ah t I he that y be 's boys the question at home ! Wretched as the weather has been this Christmas , cold , wet , and un and -out as -of great -doors a -able nuisance , the poor to boys themselves have been as to " close their confined unhappy , " holiday parents s . at If Christmas I kept a , school plenty , I would of half (/ days think during ) give the the shortest summer terms schoolmaster , and good , but long only holiday a school s at supp Midsummer lier ( like . those But as parties I am not who a advertise " Families supplied " ) all I can do is to advertise : — Christmas " Wanted . " , a school , where only a week ' s holiday is given at

      "Noblesse Obliged

      " NOBLESSE OBLIGED

      Which We M Deep Any L Of Y The Regret Or...

      which We m deep any l of y the regret Organ the s of extremel the Press y uncharitable have thought fit comment to make s on the conduct of Lord Willoughby D'Eresby , Joint Hereditary that Gran the d Chamberlain little points of of difference England between . We cannot his Lordshi help lamenting p and the public Comtesse , because d'Alteyrac the public should are ever totally OUUll have unable been broug to appreciate ht before the the CiC delicate 'i . J . l ^ d . i , ^ motives IXiUll VLO which WJ 11 W 11 influence XJjl Ii . U . ^ JX \^ \» , such Cl a pure ^/ uiw aristocrat uii > Ji . uviui as « -v * j Lord xjux u

      humility Willoughb and y D sincerity 'Eresby . , to He lay has before endeavoured the men , with of England the utmost a lofty compendium principles , as which it were should , of chivalry regulate ; the to instruct conduct of them those in who the unlike aspire to the imitat tinsel e the creation high minded of yesterd and ay generous , can trace nobility its which proud , back lineage to , the unsullied earliest by ages the contamination of English history of p . lebian connections , their For inability the sake to of those their who great , like grandfather ourselves anuioiuv , may we lit subjoin feel deep the ly

      result tllCil lll of € l . yj LJ our . lt . y reverend \ . yj name aiciixic lUCil study of i . au the gi immaculate -j ) , career juujuih of the urn-Joint Hereditary Grand Chamberlain of England . RULES FOR THE CONDUCT OF A TRUE NOBLEMAN . 1 . —When married young woman contrive possessed to form of independent a connection property with a . You will find this more economical / ltVli 1 UUJ than VliUi 1 miscel XlilkJWL

      X \ J U TV XXX XL 11 VJ . LlllhJ M . Li . \ J ± . \^ VV ^ V- * . . ^ laneous intrigues . . 2 . —If the party suits you continue to live with her—if not cut her as soon as you like . 3 . —Supposing fall ill for you a year live or with two ; her you some will time thus , get contriv a nurse e to gr £ T f t atis ^ C'C'O .

      4 . —When your you mistress have recovered looking rather from this the illness worse , and for find her anxiety on your behalf , make love to her maid . 5 . —If tunity foolish she discover you enoug can h this to of forg last insulting ive manoeuvre you her , take , in of the order yours first , to and oppor show be - 6 \ J . , — n ' ' ¦ " If X L that this CXilO you iaOl last are measure l . LLK + not < M * J U 1 to U b should iJUW & tyrannized U 1 U drive UAAV V her ll over ^ J . to tU . demand UW 111 C 111 U , a < I

      separation which , if she , send agree your , your lawyer object to is propose gained , terms and you , to need not keep your word . 7 . —In proceeds her absence . , sell all her property and pocket the 8 . —Should she be audacious enough to demand her own , tell her to go to your father , —or the devil , ( it ' s all 9 . — If the she same should ) . carry her disgraceful shamelessncss so far to bring action against resort i to \\ j \

      device ltA . i as us k you \ j uiing or your an ail uukiuii attorney aguiiisv can contrive you juu , j iv-au to ^ . blacken . every ^ v ^ . x y her character , and elude her claim . 10 . —In of pursuance your own of child the ; above and plead course that , deny her adultery the paternity with you prevents her right to appear as a single woman . 11 . —If driven very hard agree to a compromise ; but don ' t si illgll gn the kllV < terms IV 111 IJ till 1111 you jrwil can isClll help Xll . l £ S it Ik . .

      12 . —By observing carefully these directions you will attain to the greatest height of chivalrous generosity which one of noble blood can desire . 13 . —Don ' t forget to breed pug dogs ; they will be connected nature with your is as name , and and peop faithfu le will l think as theirs that . There your can be no generous harm in this ; besides , you can sell them at a large profit .

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      A Challenge. The Professor Mystery Great...

      A Challenge . The Professor Mystery great solve of Table of Bird -talk -cage , Walk ; Now Speak is ! the Spirits time , Speak your wondrous ! or henceforth powers cease for try your ing , lying .

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Feb. 15, 1868, page 65, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_15021868/page/3/