Current:

Tomahawk (1867-1870), 16th May 1868, Edition 1 of 1, Page 201

Page 201
Page 9
9 of 10

On this page

  • Departments (1)
    • POOR HUMBUGS!
  • Text (3)
  • Transcript

    • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

      Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.

      May 16, I868.J The Tomahawk. 201

      May 16 , i 868 . J THE TOMAHAWK . 201

      Poor Humbugs!

      POOR HUMBUGS !

      My Friend—In The Army. My Friend! The Si...

      MY FRIEND—IN THE ARMY . My friend ! The sigh is over , and now for the jingling of the cap and but bells . is that I have a reason called wh myself I should ere this moan " one and gone moon to for the ever bad , " ? y Because I can ' t laugh so heartily as of yore j because I can't j that oke a without reason wh bitterness I should , .. or be be for merry ever without tollinthe recklessness bell over , the is grave of my dead y hopes ? Because I find g the crowd , oh ! so lonely , and . the voices ^ of children , recalling my own lost childhood friends , oh with ! so my sad misery —is that ? We a reason all know wh the y I picture should of bore the Circus all my Clown and his dying child . One side the canvas tomfoolery and motley , Joe Miller and broad grins ; the other side bitter tears bling washing hands . away Mr . Merryman disfiguring is paint not , so bursting funny sobs as he , and was trem five - when minutes he ago is once —not more so funny called as away he from will be that five little minutes child's hence couch , the in order delight . that of an he audience may joke already and tumble awaiting , and his grin appearance and caper with to gleeful impatience . Oh , but this picture is so old , and so theatrical Well , then , , isn let ' t me it ? imitate Quite the so : Circus more ' s Clown the pity . Here that 's it my is so child true — 1 flowers all that . remains There to that me— little a few box faded will letters do nicel , and for a few the withered couch . Let me lay my , poor darling in the soft resting y -place—let me just wipe my eyes , and . Hop " Eh kini T what has just ' s all concluded this ? Mr her . Merryman spirited , performance the Signora on Pollini the bare-backed . steed . The audience are clamouring for the appearance sperian , Equestrian of the , Far Fond -famed -of-beerian , Never Jester -to-be . -equalled So look Shake sharp - , put my boy on your ; just cap touch straig up ht the and white jingle lead your and bells see ; down to the on rouge your , hands and up straight into the air with your feet . That's right . the circle Now Far . for -famed Ladies a loud , Never and laug gentlemen h -to and -be- a equalled bi , allow g jump Shakesperian me , and to in introduce you , Equestrian go to to you the , want Forid- to of- escap beerian e from J ester the . thong Make of your my bow whi , p Mr . " . Merryman , if you proprietor So now that what I he am wishes before . the me public for to , I go will , for ask to my bring respected , for to fetch , for to carry ? ing an " announcement us Well something , sir , I see about that you makes have your fri p me laced end believe in at the the army that head you . Am of purport this I correct paper tellin my supposition ?" " " Quite Then , , sir sir , ! " the sooner you begin your story the better . warned Take your , sir , time and , don sir , ' but t attempt mind , to I can impose permit upon no me tricks . " ; so be " I won ' t , sir . " * * * * * * *

      and Imag a warm ine to - yoursel hearted f , g a enerous tall young manner man , . with That sharp ' s my black friend eyes in , the Imagine army . to yourself a warm clasp of the hand to his friends as nearly as warm a clasp of the hand to his foes , with words , upon ingenious words , fearless bubbling mind from —and his a mouth loud — and the sometimes offspring of ( poor a dear old , boy ) silly laugh . That ' s my friend in the army . Imagine a dear generous youth taking the deepest interest in his friends a word ' affairs of , a kindl ht-for y notice advice of to his his foes relations ' concern with s , with many an unwelcome hint unsoug , of ( possibly ) well-meant policy to , those many who hate him . And there again you have my friend in the army . just Dear the , man good to , noble select boy for ! an just adviser the fellow ! to make a friend of , I was very intimate with my dear friend , and used to tell him the secrets of my inmost heart . Poor boy ! how I must have bored him 1 I can imagine nothing more stale and unprofitfellow able than , he the never weak minded mouthings my gushing of incipient confessions manhood . . No But , by , dear the hour would I go over all my plans and schemes . J was very castles young and then palaces , and . quite Ohmy an buildings architect in were the beautiful manufacture ! Such of ,

      trees drawing , and -rooms blue , skies and , and libraries sing , ing and birHs conservatories , and merry voices , and green ! But I made one mistake ( like most young architects)—I neglected rock to find as a too suitabl hard e spot and for the lay sand ing my as foundations too softand . I soared rejected the from the earth and , fixed upon a beautiful golden , -coloured cloud away . Upon the broad bosom of the cloud I built my castles and and palaces that —idiot with that such I was a foundation I forgot that my the hopes cloud must was necessaril but rain y , some day be drenched in cold water . My good friend never stopped That flags me taff , but wanted even hel a ped banner me to : wouldn fill in ' some t the of basin the of details that . crystal fountain look prettier were it stocked with gold fish ? listened And thus to I went me babbling with kindl on in my ath stup . id Oh way how , and sweet thus he is friendshi ! y sympy , Once , and p once only , did he jar upon my feelings . He asked frothe me one d over day with " has sentiment she any about money love ? " in I was a cottage surprised , and , true and affection some such being rubbish worth equally all the nonsensical gems in . a monarch ' s diadem , or Yes " But , she , my had dear a boy few , " hundreds he persisted ; but , " what has she had any that money to do ?" with it ? Didn ' t I tell him that if I could stake my life and soul glad " Yes she , my has dear a little boy , " money he said thoug , " of h . course What , of would course life . I be ' m j without monev ? " \

      they What money wotdd in Paradise life be without ?—did the money angels ? What pay for a question their wings ! Had 1—were the golden harps of the saints a mere matter of £ s . d . ? — I was who indi wSuld gnant be , so outraged base as , to at think the notion of money . Money ? —filthy lucre The question I put to my friend was answered Very practically—not by him , but by somebody ' s father . palac Not e long and after noblest this castle little conversation fell into the , hands a plan of of one my grandest who decidedly disapproved of the design . The critic in question thought calculated some ) objected of the stron details gly rather to my pretty foundations , but ( as . I mi The ght cloud have was pretty—especially in the sun-light ; but after all , it ivas a cloud , and bricks and mortar would not stand long when they were obliged only to supported be conciliated on vapour ; without . Unhapp his aid ily my for labour me , the in critic . castle was - , J building would have been in vain . So my pride went into my pocket , and I asked which did he prefer , rock or sand ? Neither . tell Well me . , then I was , what not to were look his for wishes rock or on sand the subject or stone ? or He cement would I was to stick to leather . If I ever wished , to see my gorgeous ; design realised , I must choose for my foundation a banker ' s pass-book . agree Well to , it more must . That be so I , mi I ght agreed give —with all my a attention smile . But to the I must discovery sign again of this until leather I was , I must ready promise prepared not with to look my upon foundation my de- . Well , it must be so , I agreed—with a sigh .

      I set down to work . I sought high and low , worked mornleather ing and on nig the ht . earth Never and weary I determined , ever hopeful to . find I knew it . I th strugg ere was led , far on and from on it . and Neve on , r sometimes weary , ever very hopeful near : for my weariness prize , sometimes disappeared passed and before years hope , passed , and , and hope at last knew the no leather weariness pass . -book Months was in my hands . peep I was at my beside design myself ! To with crown joy : all now , my I friend might ( once I had more lost take sight a of He him was latel walking y ) turned with a up young at the lady very . When moment they of drew my success near to . — me those , the discov features ery formed of the part young of my lady design ' s features . doubled my joy throug My h friend his arm turned , and red said , stammered hoarsely , " , You drew know the g that irl ' s I hand am married \" The banker ' s book is lying carelessly before me as I write , for my design is torn to shreds ! My friend ! ****** * " Ho ! ho ! Mr . Merryman , this won't do ! Here is the Never-

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), May 16, 1868, page 201, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_16051868/page/9/