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    156 \ THE TOMAHAWK. [April i8, 1868/

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    POOR HUMBUGS!

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    MY COUSIN—" THE GARRISON HACK." Poor Vic...

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  • Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.

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    156 \ The Tomahawk. [April I8, 1868/

    156 \ THE TOMAHAWK . [ April i 8 , 1868 /

    Poor Humbugs!

    POOR HUMBUGS !

    My Cousin—" The Garrison Hack." Poor Vic...

    MY COUSIN— " THE GARRISON HACK . " Poor Victoria ! cousin Away Vick —down y , the into pride the of far her distant nurse and past parents I can , see the cause little of many a schoolboy quarrel , the " bread and butter miss " of poor and and Lord on on Byro one one ' occasion occasion s pen . I I I remember nobl noblv received received I used a a brace brace to call of of her black black " my eves wife in in , " y eyes

    that defence eminent of her barrister wax-faced , the false present -haired Serjeant doll . L M yington y opponent . Ah ! in in those her days defence I would ! How have long shed ago , and was did it ? shed Let , my me very see . nose Victoria -blood was she was born nearl on the y ten day when of the I selected Queen ' s her accession to be my to the bride throne —more — than ¦ twenty bbi 4 ¦ ! Heiho ! how the time iBb .

    not at ^ ^^ — I best ^ too " need ™ ^ r but hard ^ B ^ — ^ scarcel sr j a years upon w - ^ " - * y ^^ say ago " me ^^^ ^^ that , gentlest « man " ^ ^ " » I ^ B- * fc was g ^ b ^ ^^ ^* r I of faithless » had « B « readers wt ^^ ¦¦ V certainl V >• ^ B to . * v «^ my ^ Remember 4 bj ^ seen passes w firs — B * bj ^ ^ t * ^^ r love not Bj ^ m , . more was Be than a tithe very of the young trickeries ; and falsehoods y of this wicked world early . age Look I scarcel not y astounded knew how when to turn I up inform the king you that three at times that running ^— n — ¦— — — v f ^ fe at ecarte ^^ —was ^^^ ^^ never ^^ ^ " ^ ^ " ^ certai ^^ ^^ *« in at n « h a ¦ of ^ b » b * making ^^ mt ^ <• s ^ & a A ^ pb a b » bj successful m ^ *«^ ^ bt "jbf * b ^ ^ b * ^ sr & w *» *¦

    known you book will on that — the a youth it Derby is I . If I was I'd been onl to trifle older nine , years with of cours the old e , affections a I boy should —well have of , if a gravian maiden ; mothers not onl ) y very very very wrong dangerous wrong , but ! WJell ( in , these confession days is of good Belfor of ^ v * the - ^ the ^^ m < ci ^^ " soul tuck V «* ^ , ^ and » -shop * pw m . « h - ^^ I »^ Bl , frankl " ¦ and *¦ « B » WBi y the BB own ^ B » ^ b ^ stole 4 ^ B th * ^ bT ^ at BmT ¦ ^ n « B > what p f leasure 4 B * ^ bF ** B *^* r with ^* B » «* ^^ of ^^ the T Bb the Bjf *** wild ¦ ^ bF smoking ^ HP » 4 b & org ^^ T »¦¦* sj * ies Bk ^^ Bk

    cane from -gar heart or . penny N " think pickwick me , " the image badfor of Victoria I had faded mo-I ] revelry ments my of would remors the e spectre ! ay Yes , , of sometimes my neglected at the love , very rise hei before ght my of me my ; li eager with ps , with the fingers foaming an , ounce and g the lass of penny almond of " real jam hard Turkey tart -b , ake red sherbert , shining clasped " , and raised between inviting to my my ,

    haunt p t > laced laced me well well . A within within sigh , a my mv wild grasp firraso laug . , h would would , and I the the drowned mournful mournful care in memory memorv ginger beer , and beat down melancholy with a sugar-stick ! Few who the played laug with hter me that at resounded those times at loudl " prisoner y was ' artificial base " knew , that that the mirth When v v ^™^ b ^ they bf ^ " ^ " ^ I ^™ deemed ^ left * ^ B ^ ^ ^ r school bb » ^ B ^ ^ w . so - ^ v ^ b * joyous ¦ sv ^ I ^ was * v w ™~ was quite w | ^^ B » s » as B ^ ^ bf ^ heart w hollow ¦ ^ v ^ B ^ ^ B ^»^™ B - ^ whole « «¦«¦ as 1 SB the ^ b . sj tomb If sisi SB we V V ¦ ¦ * ! set ^ ^^ 0 ^ 0 our ^ B * % ^ db

    teeth , cry " Vive le chttck-penny " and read down sad thoughts to with survive Grant the ' s "Romance very bitterest of War disappointment ^ Cooper ' s . " Spy I , know " we may after hope a while in refusing , I learnt to even purchase to forg for ive my the use cruelty the my " Youth father ' s Comp exhibited , lete many Chemical tears Cabinet when I " ( pondere as advertised d over ) . I loss acknowled ; for , you ge that see , I shed had ^ so * ^*~ ^ set ^ r ^ bp bb my ^ hov ^ b ^ w ¦ ^ hear ~ ^ ^^^ ^ t ^ r upon ^^^ ^^^ ^^ ^ r ^» try ^ ^* m ing ^— ^ ^^ f ^^ the ^^ ^^ ^^^ " ^ Miniature ^ ^^ ^¦ ¦ v ^ ^^^ ^ v v ^ b ^ k ^^ Eruption ^^ i ^ i ^ ^ fc ^ b ^ wi ^ r ^ v ^ v ^ ^ h # s of ^ tr ^ b

    Vesuvius especially " (" experiment I had great 24 ly , as improved advertised upon " ) , the in my printed bed-room direc- , tions—I had determined in preparing the prescription upon treating suing this grains ft plan as of ounces course , and I should ounces have as pounds heightened ! By pur the - knew " brilliancy that the of house the was eruption insured —without ! However any danger that , too eat , healer for I Time taught me to forget the treasured , Chemical gr chest .

    get Surel ove y r then so simple , it would a matter have as been an affai . odd re had de cceur I not . been able to looked Shortl very y after pretty leaving , and school called I me met up my to cousin her , and at a party tapped . She my hands with a fan , and said that I was " a naughty boy . Her card and my was name full for was all duly the round inscribed dances on but the I secured pretty silver a " square -printed , " two inches of card-board she held in her hand by a white silk

    resting cord and my a back tiny against little tassel a door . This , watched done the I lounged scene before away me , and . I , the soon extended grew bored skirts of and looking simpering at the vap smiles id faces of the of the young men ladies , and , as directed they waltzed past towards me . a I soon grew in one bored of , I say cor , n ers then of the I room . H —a my Bk eyes of t which *¦¦ group pretty little cousin was the centre .

    * dozen seemed ^ ^ W ^ There ^^ ^ V ^ young ^^—^ more ^ group ^ she ^^ «^ ¦¦ ^^ p men ^ r distinguished m sat ^ H ^ BV ^ , laughing ^ who V ^ H ~ ^ B ^ B > ^ B to my ^ H judge ^^ W and for M ^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ their from ^^ joking 9 ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ clothes their ^^ ^^^ , surrou ^^ ^^^ ^^ bullet ^^^ ^^ ^^ than ^^ nded - ^^^^ shaped , ^^^ their ^^ ^^ ^^ by ^^^ ^^^ intelli half ^~^ h ^^ ^^ eads ^^ ^^ - ^^^ a ^^ - - gence . There she sat , tapping this man ' s knuckles with her

    she fan , sat and laug calling hing that at that fellow idiot over ' s stolid there attempt a " naug at hty a pun boy . , " or Ther grin e - There ning behind she fluttered her fan at a butterfl that fool y ' among s clumsy the shot holl at yoaks a comp , a liment Venus . she among sat the as porpoises I watched , , a gazelle all among she did the herd of smile swine . There rap ¦ " knuckles ¦ How shocking , and all !" she said was , * ' Oh , you naughty boy I" or

    ^ b > M ^ mt **^ y " ^^ square ^ tm ^^^^ f ^—» — — " ^ Bfcfc ^ came at last , and I duly presented myself for little the arm , dan and laug ce h left . and She the a circle tap simpered of of the grinning as fan I got approached noodle up from s behind her her seat , and her , took . with The my a how dance " Haven should over ' , t I you said , you heard , " Well have ? " , Vick just said c y $ , > , and me cousin home how are , with from they abroad all sigh at . . home " Poor But V papa m ^ r T ^ Bi ^ F fc » W ¦ ' I s ^ F had * AWV «* ¦ heavy 4 tiM *»** WW V ^ losses b ^ HF ^ bT « W ^ m ¦«¦ , B and j * b * ^ « home b ^^ vm we V w ^ 0 iiave « from BB ^ BWf v ^^ that w sold ^ r "B . wbj the ^ b ^^ bf house ^>^ - *^ ¦ ^*^ ^ v ^ B- in ^ ^^ b ¦ Eaton ^ «~ w- ^ r ^^ «¦

    and Square we , and try Fanny ing to ' s come Charley into the Bluecoat expensive school academy , and , I make " Dear all , dear my dresses ! that ' now bad , , I must we ' ve call got upon no footman you . " !" come " Oh , ring yes do very , we gentl shall y , for poor glad Mamma to see ' you s very , but when , and you she oug I ' ht come to have to ni straw ght with put that down old — lady but we over reall there y can in ' t the afford funny it . turban of «¦» it latel BJBB — she BB but ' s my it will chaperone be all ri . g ¦ ht Oh when , we ' ve I ' m had settled a dreadful I- suppose time . "

    at ^^ " " home B . B ^ Is No au m , she y with nt y , ^^ ' very B s * ^^ BP better ^ B h *^ er " ^ ill — " ^ m ? ~^^ onl to — " ni y g you "W ht ' — , | but H know ^ B" ^ ^ I should " I knew like that — to a lot have of ^ B stayed ' nice ^ ' ¦ peop for us le if would " be here , and really it would be such a great thing " " Yes If you , " she were said married hurriedl ? " y , " yes Papa won ' t let me be a governess " I Mt Oh th ^ JLaV o ^ B * ug , and ht ** ¦ who ••» you J ^ B » * " * told were W " V ^ ' - ^*» engaged ^ aT ^^^ BA that *** ' ^^* ^ ¦¦ ^ 1 i" to " * ^" " She H " ¦• ¦¦ " arry ¦•¦> blushed " * T Thornbury " ¦» « B ^ -V — — — — ' — -B- to — J . " the root

    it of if " you hair no hear — , and it again the tears . you appeared , all " will be in her eyes when up . " Contradict ' m settled s . different Oh ! there voice ' s that , as a everlasting heavy dragoon waltz approached , " she added her , . " Ah quite ! you a naug She smiled boy , here at me you , are tapped at last the !" newcomer ' s knuckles , and sailed During Ten away years * this resting passed time I on before kicked his arm I about saw # . very the worl much # d and of my rubbed cousin against again % .

    the credit JU- * " Ui world AAA & than VIJAW after brains fc **** the ^* « - approved » and ** . ** - » -vWk less ^ TBi * -- *• fashion ¦•¦* - * « b >«* wa * than -w of ^ younger - * either - — »— « -w»——— . sons — Chance — — — — with — ——J » threw - more —— ——— — - » me me here into , a and train chance , left , me thre at w the me money station there , and of a garrison day chance town , took and quickl Regime y nt introduced of the Line me to ( Queen some Anne " ' s own " in ) . Her Chance Majesty ( assisted ' s -6 th b in y said a ball " men room " ) . then The carried garrison me town off to was mess built , and on left the me sea at , and last th ^ AAV e garrison _ BBk fc *»* - •» BB t > # ^^ AJV town W "fc » " V V - *•* boasted fc ^ ^ B »**>** W ^ B * ^ «» an * " *•¦•¦ ex ««^ B > ¦> - b Royal > -BB ^ b > J have BB | B | Residence B . BWB revived / B -WV ¦ ^ — W ¦»¦ » J , its and n ¦ _ v — th — — e ex ¦ — — -

    nifecence Royal Reside for nce it actuall to-night had seemed become to on this occasion past the locale mag-, y mayoresses of a grand fancy among dre the ss ball number given , b b e it so u m nd e e lady rstood patronesses ) in aid of ( n o room nei ba George n ghbo ds ( that part uring IV . ) , o e listening f hospital it oriental laying . to There th and different e strains the I stood rest apart of reminding , some in m ents gaudil half , it me is dozen y strong -deco ue , bands but rated ly at of , one of ~^ bb hearing s and **^ b » VV * A the ** b same the *»• ^ bT " moment Guard -i i- ~ V * wW * V ** * s bV . ' I Waltz V had * *>*> «•««• thus , " the B ^ aaac an ^ v sort " excellent - " - "Lance of - musical ^— rs b > , opportunity " —— - n - d — salad bj the ^ - —— - - — -

    " Grand I stood Duchess listening Quadrille and yawning " treated , and as watching a the people as . would man they , passed got this up middle t in o and dim -aged fro imitation . man Firs si t of came mper Nap a oleon as melancholy some I . ; friend now middle and congratu again -aged - , had lated I was assumed him not upo a French . n And his m I gaz mirabl and ed at e conseq conception him lazily uenly and not of thanked bound the chara by my c honour ter stars he to seek the idiot ' s life- , blood—I felt that the man ' s life-blood had and put his life-bl the ood E only , could And quite then came e out a depressed the insult -look he

    ing which gloves North , would and upon A a m fal Charles erican l from mperor I II n under . , who n . , his in had a nose painted got and hold fac creep of e a fals nd into e his mo en u mouth de stache r kid ; and spent most Crusader of his , who time evidentl at a desk y , in in the ite Admiralty of his war , W -like hite garb hall ; ,

• Citation
  • Tomahawk (1867-1870), April 18, 1868, page 156, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_18041868/page/4/