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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 18th July 1868, Edition 1 of 1, Page 23, There is now little concealment regardin...

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  • Departments (3)
    • A SONG FOR INFANT STATESMEN.
    • MINISTERIAL MORALITY.
    • . HUMOURS OF THE UNDERGROUND.
  • Text (7)
  • Transcript

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      July 18, 1868.3 The Tom Ah A Wk. 2 3

      July 18 , 1868 . 3 THE TOM AH A WK . 2 3

      A Song For Infant Statesmen.

      A SONG FOR INFANT STATESMEN .

      If We May Dizzy's Word Believe, His Serv...

      If we may Dizzy's word believe , His services Britannia needed , And would have had much cause to grieve Had not his crew to place succeeded . He tell ' sus foreign states were each

      . Becoming sick of our alliance , And in their diplomatic speech Using expressions of defiance . So he and Derby office took , And things abroad so well adjusted

      That our allies soon changed their look , , And Mister Bull no more distrusted . This , with his usual bounce , he said—The wily , egotistic sinner , To please the guests that with him fed

      Their stomachs at a civic dinner . But Duff has well exposed the lie , And published in each daily paper ; We ' ve seen the Premier's smart reply , By Layard well-termed chaff and vapour .

      But aught beside can we expect From one whose selfish vacillation Won ' t let his words his thoughts reflect Without an eye to retractation ?

      Ministerial Morality.

      MINISTERIAL MORALITY .

      There Is Now Little Concealment Regardin...

      There is now little concealment regarding the intention of Sir Stafford Northcote to appoint himself Viceroy of India should the January present next Government , when Sir John last out Lawrence the year ' s term , or , of rather five year until s ' tenure of office will expire . As an appointment pure and simple , there is little to be said against the promotionor reduction

      ( which is it ?) of the present •_> Secretary of JL State for , India to the Governor-Generalship , for Sir Stafford probably knows as much about the affairs of India as any man in this country who has never been there ; but such an appointment , excellent as it may be Sir in Stafford itself , becomes Northcote hi ' ghl s avowed y dangerou intention s as a of precedent " appointing . Indeed himself ,

      to the most remunerative post in his gift has already had its effect , for there is no doubt that his novel example will be followed by several of his confreres in the Cabinet . We make our statement with every reserve , but we have good reason to believe that should any of the below-mentioned offices fall vacant

      between ext that this and the succession Christmas s next will be made public in the confidentl followin pec g manner : — Archbishop of Canterbury . Mr . Disraeli , First Lord of the Treasury .

      Commander-m-Chief of the Sir J ohn Pakington , Secretary Army . of State for War . Governor-General of Canada . Duke of Buckingham , Colonial Secretary . Admiral of the Fleet . Mr . Cony , First Lord of the

      Admiralty . Chief Commissioner of Police . Mr . Hardy , Home Secretary . Master of the Mint . Mr . Ward Hunt , Chancellor of the Exchequer . Contractor for the New Law Lord John Manners , Chief

      Courts . Commissioner of Works . Mr . Cole , C . B . Duke of Marlborough , President of the Council . It is fortunate perhaps that there is ' little probability of many of these important and lucrative posts falling vacant , for should

      ssuch uch e eventualities ventualities o occur ccur , and and should should Sir Sir Stafford Stafford Northcotc Northcotc carry his point and seize t , he Indian Viccroyship , there is no just sh cause ould nor not impediment be carried out that . the After appointments all , why should we n have ot patronage detailed like charitjr , commence at home ? ,

      . Humours Of The Underground.

      . HUMOURS OF THE UNDERGROUND .

      The Metropolitan Railway Company Are A L...

      The Metropolitan Railway Company are a lucky body . Like a well-pegged-down pot of verbena , they are sending out branches in all directions—branches which promise not only to thrive well .-in . themselves , but to bring fat profit to the parent stock . Whatfor exampledo the St . J ohn's Wood Extension

      Company pay , for running , partially over the Metropolitan's lines i And what do the Hammersmith Extension pay , and the Great Western 1 And what will come in when the Bayswater branch is opened 1 Meanwhile the original Undergroundlings are paying a good dividend , and have got a bold bill

      through Committee safely in the House of Lords . lhey are a lucky lot ! Perhaps it is the enjoyment of fortune which inspires them series with a of peculiar practical facetiousness jokes upon , consisting the public in . the In the play eyes ing of off most of a railway directors the public is a good-naturneddoltish sort of

      dummy , created for the purpose of furnishing dividends , and to be cozened in all sorts of ways . And the jocularity of the Underground directors finds vent in badgering this said dummy variously . They started , for instance , with providing good gasliht accommodation in the carriages—the only inducement for

      people g to immure themselves in the stifling tunnels between Bishop ' s road and Farringdon street . Without ample light , one might with as much comfort sit in a sewer as in one of those tunnels . But finding that gas reconciled one to the sulphur vapours of-the Metropolitan Erebus , the directors hit on the

      humorous design of lessening the lights by two-thirds , and now furnish two lamps to each carriage where there formerly were six . Another of their jokes is to turn the supply only half on in the morning , when everybody who is hurrying into the City has bought the morning paper . If you are a clerkwhose

      day is fully occupied , you are naturally eager to while away , the sole leisure you have on Tuesday morning by studying Tomahawk , during the half hour between Paddington and the City . Very good ; you may obtain hasty glimpses of your favourite journal at Edgware road and King ' s cross , where there is

      daylight , but sorrow a bit will you read it in the tunnels , unless you have eyes like a cat . At six o ' clock , when you return from the as office at , ten the in the is morning full on , though at this the tim day e of lig year ht is , and as thoug strong h then day and night are much the same in the bowels of the earth . A joke as prime as making the public blind is to make the

      public deaf—which effort is achieved by aid of screeching and grinding appliances of ten-million sawmill-power . The manner in which a stridulous train grates round a curve and rasps its way into the station might shake even a parrot ' s nerves . Every note in the gamut of cacophony do these trains sound—from

      the gruffest " scrannel" to the shrillest squeak . An easy way to avoid this discord would be to roughen the breaks whenever they get smooth from use ; but then that would spoil the joke . Then there are fiendish engine-drivers who have a taste fcr into into whistling the the station station on every and and possible on on leaving leaving occasion : the the station station : they , whistle and and in in . the the on tunnels tunnels coming ,,

      and often half the way between Paddington , mid Wostbournc Park . What there is to whistle at in places v / herc trains pass tained every three constitutes minutes , the and creamy where part a perpetual of the j look oke . -out This is main same - passage , between Paddington and Westbourne Park is specially stare stare or favourable thri about about ce every , for as as larks j though thomrh ourney , and something something in an the essential narrowest - - were were bit jn in of the the stri fun way wa p is of y . . to railroad This I his stop anords affords twice and

      a pretext for , more whistling , and has the further advantage of frightening old ladies . The dodge of hiding the names of stations amid a bewilderso may men obvious t imagine of posters that each Tomahaw and station ' advertisements is k called forbears Maravilla , comment so that or . country Panklibanon The fun visitors , too , is , for of passenger giving another " ecce is season foolish ntric" enough change If Tomahaw — to particularl proffe k r hears a y sovereign at - much Bishop , more ' may s road of be — this if left a

      . advantage three last joke little , the . reforms When officials hinted the may directors at look , he out will have for be comcthim introduced happy to ? reward to the their two them dis or - by pointing out a manoeuvre by which roguish travellers contrive to habitually book third class and ride first without the least fear of detection .

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), July 18, 1868, page 23, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_18071868/page/5/