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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 24th April 1869, Edition 1 of 1, Page 187

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    • THE PARROT PAPERS.
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      April 24, 1s69.] The Tomahawk. 187

      April 24 , 1 S 69 . ] THE TOMAHAWK . 187

      The Parrot Papers.

      THE PARROT PAPERS .

      " Pol, Me Occidistis, Amici." No. V. Mor...

      " Pol , me occidistis , amici . " No . V . More advice to those who govern . —a few remarks on married life . how to keep women in order . —the practical advantages of polygamy . woman's rights . how to make women useful . a new employment for a wife . hints to emperors , etc . the first principle of government . the folly of concession . —how to treat troublesome subjects . —the best way of gaining popularity . on trumpeters ; their value , and how to bind them to you . a . hint from shakespeare . —an anecdote of parrot government . on politics . why men and women talk so indistinctly . the two systems of politics . on " preservers" and " smashers . " kings a few I THINK , more dictators that hints , while presidents 15 heads I am of of oa governments republics the subject , and , , such masters may as as emperors of well houses give , —where there is a master . be It the is slave a singular of a woman thing to ; me nobody , how a ever man heard can be of a henpecked weak as to dom Parrot . . I should We nearl like y al to ways see the live she alone that to would show bull our superior me ! wis-Before I came to visit this country , I had two or three wives ; and them I' came ll tell to you bother why I me had , I always so many used . Whenever to t & ll her any that one one of of ^ the others had said that the feathers in her tail were false ; on the which other she -one went ; a off nd strai so I ght got rid fight of her " her most traducer effectuall , " as she y for called the rest I need of the scarcely day . point out what a deal of trouble this saved her me , myself as , if I ; had which had would only one have wife been , I should waste of have time . to fight good I do deal not of think talk myself now as that to their women Rig are hts . much The use only . right I hear that a a I m would afraid allo they w the would m , is not the care right about to hold exercising their . tongue I am , ' which fond I of wome puns n ; ought but I to must want say . that Marriage Rites are all the rights men I have . I think also heucd I know some one discussion employment as for to them how to . emp Your loy social wop odious hilosop I knew utue he a man , animai as — you a m call arried them man , are —who welco kept me to a small the suggestion dog , a most .

      , wao was always yeiping ana yappingthis " sound man and once fury say , signif when ying asked nothi why ng he "— kept which the I dog hate , that . I it heard was a very useful animal—7 a capital house dog—for it would make ho suc use h a . . It s struck e if robbers me that came if it , only that made it would a noise awak when e the robbers whole ca the me day , a . good However many , robbers I did mu not st say be anything coming in abo the ut course that , for of a something wifewhat else on struck earth he me could ; I wonde want r with ed , as the other man animal had got in my the hou suggestion , se to make is , a that noise . me If a m noise ight will be any keep made away useful robbers as a , prote But ction this against is a digression robbers . . It is like taking a peck at a lump of subje sugar ct in . the middle of a plateful of seed . I must return to my — To There all is emperors only one , true kings princip , dictators le of , & government c , & c , then ; , and I say that this is your passion own , fancy interest , caprice —not , as or others inclination interpret , may interpret it , but as it your . own the welfar once e of your devia subj te from ects , as this distinct princi from ple , your and own try , an you d s cease tudy horse to govern of every ; you crack become -brained but the enthusiast tool of factions in the , country and the . hobbyth decide em How ? for on If those earth government you can govern common means upon people anything every know question , it means what . the is good right for to speech For , instance of writing , your , or peop of action le tell you 1 If they you want think more that liberty they will of use your let only them their use actions have it liberty in , l abusing et it ? in them praising It would all have these your it be ; things a but pretty speeches if , you why thing , think on your , indeed earth that writings should if they a , ruler and you will were to be bound to put arms into traitors ' hands for , them to

      strike If the hi peop m with le get . troublesome No . I will tell ; if you you what can ' to t carry do in out such my cases first . simple rule , and get rid of them on the gallows , take this course : — your Address love for an them amiable , & c letter , & c , to and your promise subjects them , assuring the liberty them they of then ask , as issue far an as edic is compatible t granting the with liberty the safety asked of for the ; only State be ; care and - possible ful to shackle for them it with to exercise such conditions it . You will as to by make this means it utterl get y im the - any credit degree of havi the ng safeguards done a liberal of p action ersonal , without government having . relaxed in more AH than men who men wish this to govern is true should the world remember takes that us at of our them own , valuation and long , enoug if any we h have . Talk , only to the your courage peo ; ple always to cry up of your the article clemency loud , ri your ghts magnanimity of the individual , your . love When of any liberty opportunity , your reverence offers of for doing the a showy act of kindness to some individual—the humbler the ing better this —do advice it ; , and to oppress you will the find general that you mas will s of be yo able ur s , ubjects by follow as - much Always as you have like plenty . of trumpeters about you , and pay them do well let . If it be self so -interest with those is the around motive and . justification Besidesremember ot all you it costs trumpeters , you nothing too . Be ; careful the peop to have le pay you plenty for of you gaudy , spectacl for your es uniforms for the peop ; and le ; whenever soldiers you in suspe clanking ct that armour the thinking and sp portion lendid b of all you ; it r subjects will distract are getting public troublesome attention . , There give a is grand nothing fete the or vulgar man Shakespeare herd like so say much s—who as p , lenty I believe of finery , was and half fuss a . Parrot As that , he was so sensible— " Inexplicable dumb show and noise " is what " the I remember people " best , when understand in my native and admire country . , that we had confound quered useful a large in nation their way of cockatoos ; and that and on paroquets one occasion , whom they we rebelled kill them . ; all It j was besides very , hot it would weather have , and made too a great much mess trouble about to they the p liked lace ; . so They we let did them talk , meet and soon togeth talked er , and themselves talk as much tired as . We never had any more of their complaints , for everybody had they so much entirel to y say forgot , and by took the such end of a the long time time what in their saying grievances it , that set ioot arrciu

      themselves were , wnue , that tney they naa never could on agree so upon many any ^ u common among plan of action for ever afterwards . let me certainl get ov y er the ' t like subjec politics t , and , have they done bore with me very it for much good ; and so who all . co I so me metimes to see get me so talking exasperated their tiresome when I politics hear the , that people I , though I am not fond of speaking to men much , say , with parthoug donable ht very emphasis clever , of " Da me mn . politics ! " which , I believe , is The fact is , men are so deaf that they cannot hear generally tell what you Parrots why . say M . en Yet and we women talk distinctl talk with y ; you their don teeth ' t—and , we I will alk talk with with our tongues them alone . And . You yet you are very have imperfect got tongues ani , mals but you . can ' t which But abo I can ut politics recommend . There . are only two systems of politics and The that first to is alter , to it would that be ev sacrilege erything — that ch " it exist is s part is perfect of the , glorious Constitution which our fathers sealed with their blood , and The sta second mped with isto thei sa r s that words ev , & erything c ., & c . " which is is badand volved must Both be in these done learning systems away , or with in are carry . simp ing le th , and em out very . The little former trouble declines is , int to o see see any any merits demerits in in them existing . Perhap institution s the latter s—the is latter the easier declines and pleasanter in practice . It is more lively work smashing things at than all taking times easier ridiculous than care praising of them ; at . least Besides , when , fi the ndin subject g fault is is not And yourself so I have . done with politics . If you are well off in the for world being , by all a Smasher means be . a Preserver ; if you are badly off , go in

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), April 24, 1869, page 187, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_24041869/page/11/