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Tomahawk (1867-1870), 28th September 1867, Edition 1 of 1, Page unpag

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  • Departments (2)
    • 1 ^ — GOVERNING THE GOVERNMENT.
    • A VOICE FROM THE SPIRITS !
  • Text (7)
  • Transcript

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      I The Tomahawk: I A Saturday Journal Of ...

      i THE TOMAHAWK : I A SATURDAY JOURNAL OF SATIRE . , Hi "INVITAT CULPAM QUI PECCATUM PRETERIT . "

      No. 21.] London, September 28, 1867. [Pr...

      No . 21 . ] LONDON , SEPTEMBER 28 , 1867 . [ Price Twopence .

      1 ^ — Governing The Government.

      1 ^ — GOVERNING THE GOVERNMENT .

      The Government Have A Very Difficult Tas...

      The Government have a very difficult task indeed , we must all j ; , they acknowled never ge will , in be undertaking able to urge this as Ab an yssinian excuse at war any , but rate should , that they they did fail : not obtain plenty of suggestions from " outsiders . " We have been requested to publish a few of the valuable hints that have reached the various departments of Government from divers of

      : those wise men who always know how everything ought to be done . I . —The Basis of Operations . Aden , Massowa , Alexandria , The Cape of Good Hope , Smyrna , i Mecca , Bombay , Khartoum , The Lake Nyanza , Bishop Colenso's Private ResidenceThe Pyramids ( to be fitted up as temporary barracks )

      | , , and Madagascar , have been amongst the various places recommended I as starting points for the expedition . i Timoleon the Second suggests that we should utilize our settlements i on the Gambia , and proceed overland by balloons to start from Sierra I Leone and Senegambia punctually-every half-hour . The balloons to be

      I well iced and provided with sunshades . An Amateur Engineer suggests that the Expedition should wait till ! the Nile rises , and then embark on rafts and see how near the flood I would take them to Abyssinia . "The rafts when left high and dry ' would make excellent foundations for log-huts . "

      ' A Well-wisher of his Country suggests " we should drive a tunnel from Algiers to the residence of Theodorus and then ( he is very supersi titious ) howl dismally for a few hours , till he shakes in his shoes and delivers up the captives , when the army ( which would consist of only 500 ^ p men —¦— — ' — ) j mig ht — retire ^^ b ^^ y the same — — — route - —~ . The — — tunnel - — , j of course - — , j wo , , — uld — - ^— .

      be rather hot , but air might be supplied by large revolving fans and a ir pumps . " 1 2 . — The Equipment of the Troops . I Much sensible advice has been received on this subject . For instance : That every man should carry 5 lbs . of Wenham Lake ice inside

      his helmet , in order to prevent the danger of sunstroke . I That all the men should have their lower extremities and hands . tarred , in order to guard against the ravages of the Guinea-worm and j other parasites . . That all the mules , horses , and camels should wear violet-coloured

      ! drawers , in order to keep off the sun and gad-flies . That all animals used in the expedition should be washed with a liquid 1 solution That of india soldier -rubber should , to prevent wear wicker excessive -work persp helmets iration . covered with 1 palm leaves every and cucumber peel , to keep off the sun ; and , wicker-work I breastplates covered with platinum plates , in order to avoid

      heart-disj ease That . all saddles should be made of zinc or iron , that they may not be warped by the heat . ; 3 . —General Observations . ! Numerous scientific men have favoured the Government with the re-I suit of their diligent reflection—e . g . : —

      ¦ ' I ¦ prevent All cannons expansion and from rifles the should heat . be packed in refrigerators , in order to rifle No , or sol bayonet dier on any at any account angle sh greater ould be th allowed an 37 * 0102 to c arry because his mu in sket that , gun case , i the of typhus refracti o ever n of much the sun diminished ' s rays would . be infinitely less , and the danger i j fore That breakfast each member two ra of ins of expedition calomelhalf should -a-int take of every Tarax morning acumand , be a - quarter of an ounce g of quinine , in order , to prevent p cholera and malaria , . I water That . nobody on any account should be allowed to bathe in cold

      The Government Have A Very Difficult Tas...

      That everybody should be made to bathe in cold water three times a-day . That no accident or casualty of any kind should be permitted during the campaign . these We proofs cannot of continue the patriotism our extracts of the . nation Volumes at large might . be With filled so many with advisers can the Government go wrong ? We think not .

      A Voice From The Spirits !

      A VOICE FROM THE SPIRITS !

      Has Anyone (With The Exception Of "Royal...

      Has anyone ( with the exception of " royalty" ) ever heard of the Savage Club ? We hope so , that our insertion of the following delightful piece of charming snobbism may be pardoned , on the score of not being utterly pointless , by an indulgent public . It is not often that we admit " comic copy " ( to use a technical term referring to the —stale

      jokes and flippant quiddities , v that pass current for wit in certain o periodicals published on a Wednesday ) to our columns ; but every rule has its exception , and in this instance we must for once break through our resolution to exclude such matter as unworthy of our pages . A correspondent to a contemporary ( apparently * * written by club waiters for

      billiard-markers to read " ) , observes , apropos of the Tomahawk : — " The Savage Club is not , and never has been , in any way connected with the disreputable periodical in question . The original allegation of its having been so was made some months ago , and was evidently founded upon some imaginative jest—a mere play upon words . The

      allegation has been publicly disavowed in more than one journal . I have the best authority for stating that the members of the Savage Club , collectively and individually , so far as their opinions can be gathered , view the recent pictorial attacks upon royalty with the deepest disgust , and are by no means _ unmindful - of the royal _ patronage graciousl _ y

      extended to j the club some years since , when aid was A soug ^ ht on behalf j of the family of a deceased member . At a meeting of the Club held last Saturday , a resolution embodying a distinct repudiation by the Club of all connection with the delinquent periodical , a disavowal of its libels , and an expression of continued gratitude to her Majesty , was

      unanimously passed without discussion , and Mi ' . Andrew Halliday , as secretary to the Club , was authorised to transmit copies of such resolution to the leading journals . " Is not this beautiful ? We next shall have the gentlemen attached to the — " Judge ^— and Jury Clu — b" writing jto the Editor of the Times

      to deny their ^ j r % alleged - ^ - - connection ^ with —p the Pall Mall Gazette and Saturday Review ! We pass over the "base imputation" ( see how readily we adopt the style of our opponent ) charging us with disloyalty to Her Majesty as far beneath our contempt . Only a man with a pitiful and treasonous mind would have made such a shameful and

      scandalous accusation . We are certainly surprised to hear that "royal patronage has been graciously extended to the Club , " as we have been informed since the appearance of the letter now under consideration , that the meetings of the Savage Club may be summed up in the words , " extravagant ^ mr ™ ^ ^ ^ ^ r ^ w ^^^ 9 ^ % w self ^^ ^^ -praise W ^^ ^^ , y bad — puns r— — , rank — tobacco — — — ' , and — unlimited — - — — — g ^^ j in . ~"

      In conclusion , we have no wish to quarrel with Mr . Andrew Halliday , " the Secretary of the Club . " On the contrary , we respect him much , as we consider him—after the just claims to superiority of Messrs . Best and Bellingham have been but ouce allowed—nearly the best of our modern burlesque writers .

      Who Cracked The Crib ?—The Pall Mall Gaz...

      Who Cracked the Crib ?—The Pall Mall Gazette has taken to itself the credit of discovering that Mr . Babington White ' s novel , ing " Ci crib rce , " from published Monsieur in Bel Oct gravia ave Feuillet , was an ' s unacknowled "Dalilah . " ged We and pointed unblush out - that fact three weeks ago .

  • Citation
    • Tomahawk (1867-1870), Sept. 28, 1867, page unpag, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_28091867/page/1/