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214 THE TOMAHAWK. [September 28, 1867.
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ECCLESIASTICAL.
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(From the Reverend Edwy Flittermousk, of...
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THE MODERN THEOPHRASTUS.
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No. 3.—THE INQUISITIVE NEIGHBOUR. Those ...
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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214 The Tomahawk. [September 28, 1867.
214 THE TOMAHAWK . [ September 28 , 1867 .
Ecclesiastical.
ECCLESIASTICAL .
(From The Reverend Edwy Flittermousk, Of...
( From the Reverend Edwy Flittermousk , of St . Angular ' s , Devonshire , to the Reverend John Bateson , 0 / Little Cummer , Hants . ) Beloved Brother , —Notwithstanding the dreadful darkness of your spiritual life I mustas an old college chumtake this opportunity
of reminding you of my , existence . How changed , our life since we read together at Baliol ! How sad the degraded state of our souls at that jolly period . I have written jolly—it was a slip of the pen , and I shall have certain penance to perform for this levity , but let it pass . My brotheryou have little conceptionin . your wild neighbourhood of
the sweet solaces , of our heavenly home , here . I am at present serenely occupied in illuminating the large Book of Prayers in our lectern , and my fairest communicants bring offerings of lilies as models for my ambitious pencil—there is an ambition even for humility . I fear my thoughts are often turned during matins to the necessary mixture on my
palette for that petal or this leaf , but our dear Mother Church will bless her son in his labours , and I confidently expect a first prize at the Exeter Exhibition of Religious Art . You can not , I fear , understand the holy vanity which causes me to break off for a few minutes here , but in hopes that the light of wisdom may fall on your closed eyelids I
may tell you that I have a love of a chasuble just arrived , which is most becoming . My heart will beat with bliss to-morrow in the chancel , for it is the feast of Saint Skedaddula , and I am prepared . By the "way , as incense comes out of my own pocket , I wish you could apply at Civet and Skunk ' s for their prices , as they might make a reduction on taking
a quantity . My thurifer has been bought over by the chemist , who is of the followers of that deluded heretic Wesley , and is at present pitching the key note of a Tate and Brady instead of supporting me in my daily offerings . My heart is hard against him , for he was invaluable , and found his own incense !
Sister Seringa has sent me a matchless brocade covering for our gold stool , worked with her own blessed fingers , and dedicated to the holy Saint Edwy , my patron . What a noble mission is ours ! I felt as I opened the tose-coloured note which began " jReverendissime Pater !" that brocade cover was the only thing wanting to complete my supreme
beatitude for an even-song when our shrine is illuminated , when the admire ecstacy , of is at the its multitudes highest , when , who the come additional from Torquay lamps have to worshi been ignited p and and perfumes from a hundred exotics elevate the awe-struck senses , I felt that the scene was incomplete , and my blessing will fall on Seringa ' s head , for her gift is grateful to heaven .
My epistle must needs lie open till I return . Miss Patam ( sister Seringa ) has called for spiritual converse . I hold it unwise to put a stumbling-block in the way of the foolish by calling it confession , nor the would on me foo it t the of be bu my correct rden arm of - ; chair the her , dear soul in the g . irl I , front I cannot mean drawing now our - sister tell room , , sits and of on merel a stool y lays at I you my poor ;
was going to have seen them this afternoon had not Seringa's papa given a croquet party , to which , as pastor , I must go—but you know the poor we all have much always pleased with with us , the so that Gregorian will keep chants . But which I may proves tell you their they real are taste for music , and surely the fervent monotone of the good old monks must reach heaven sooner than the mundane gaieties which accompany
the delusive rhymes of Bishop Heber for instance . As you are in town tell Thresher and Glenny to hurry the dozen hair shirts as ordered , the bristles to be outside . Let me persuade you to go to St . Agathor's in Pugin Row . You can but feel your soul all elated his b g y lory the could gorgeous be comj ritual ^ ared of to my one humble of the brethren officiating ; not priests Solomon in that in
blessed fane . Please don't forget to notice the embroidery on the alb worn times in every b or y respect four the Reverend at . the You introit Pol mi . ght ybius Kind also Carpe l let call , me as in know at I desire Truefitts whether mine and he to see bows be that similar thre the e tonsure is on the toupet which he y is about to send me to conceal my unfortunate baldness . I am off to croquet a , * and pray 1 w for your «/ — — change ^ y without ceasing *•¦ .
Yours , in all brotherly Edwy Jove , Fj . ittermouse . Eve of St . Skedaddula . ( From the Reverend John Bateson of Little CummerHantsto the JReverend Edwy Flittermouse of St . Angular ' s , Devon . , ) Ritualistics Mr Dear . I Ned knew , —It your surel love y isn of ' t possible private that theatricals you ' ve' would joined crop the Red up
some day or other . you Wh feel y the so strong beadle ly about don ' t you the one go the Catholic entire Church animal . , and Don turn 't tell Pap me ist !— if you mans know treat that with in contempt your bat — . if state you — did which go reformers over you would repudiate be very , and small Robeer , and not get half the petting which young ladies with a taste for embroidery and hysterics indulge you with . Why , I will be bound to say that you don ' t enjoy life half as much as I do , bothering your fine wits with processions and penances , Sec . Here am I , with my two
(From The Reverend Edwy Flittermousk, Of...
services on a Sunday , and one sermon which I take out of the first music volume , and which trains comes the Sunday to hand scholars . My clerk to something , who is like deaf unison , does all of dis the - I cord reall . y M don y pews 't believe are most there comfortable are any poor for in sleepy the parish country . I families am su , re and I curate health never y see as . I Now them fiad in three the chu ~ hunting days rch , and a week is I coming know knocks the on one nei , I ghbourhood up think b for I sermonizing shall is particularl put 1 . on . a y
I am ~ , — not — . going - ~ — — to v _> —— London ~ m — — , but — — intend — — passing — — — - >~ w — a week - »— ^— — - - ^ v ^ or — ' ^^ -w two ^^ m ^ m ^^^ instead fcfc ^ knowled at the Paris ge , Exhibition which I humbl , where y hope there is may a stall be beneficial for the diffusion to our of poor religious benighted brethren abroad . You remember Job , at Eton ? He is now the Rev . Job Faggs , and takes my duties till my return . He does not smoke , or I would bring him a cigar case from the Boulevards . B y the
call way way , , it what what . Perhaps a a guy guy ph you vou ylacteries must must look look is the in in a a word Dalmatical Dalmatical : shouldn alb alb ' t , . wonder or or whatever whatever . I have you von plenty of the old tap on hand , so come and have a weed and a chat with yours truly , Jack Bateson . Little Cummer , Sunday evening .
The Modern Theophrastus.
THE MODERN THEOPHRASTUS .
No. 3.—The Inquisitive Neighbour. Those ...
No . 3 . —THE INQUISITIVE NEIGHBOUR . Those who know not this creature are indeed happy . It is in large towns that he flourishes most—the seclusion of the country is against his occupation . I will take an example of the male sex , because all petty vicessuch as are the privileges of womendo reach their greatest
height when , they exist in man ; and I will suppose , that this nuisance lives in the same square as you in London ; though it has been said with some truth , that in no place is one more private than in a great , city . ¦ The 1 Inquisitive Neighbour is never in any profession m- . The h h bb only bb bbb
— — — — — — - — ^^^ b * — — ^ g — — — — — — ^^^ - ^^ ^ ar . ^ . ^ w business which he has , is the business of other people ; and his own affairs are apt to suffer from the great attention which he pays to those of his neighbours . He is consumed with a very fire of meddlesome ! curiosity , which begets in him a spurious activity , the which , were he : < to employ it in some decent occupation , would make him a rich man .
He never sleeps but with one eye open , and would leap out of bed on the coldest night in winter , if he could only discover that his neighbour , three doors off , had been out late and could not find his ! latch-key . Such an event as this is a great godsend to him , and next morning _ j ( for - the creature _ - _ - is an inveterate gossipandtherefore - no \
respecter _^ of ^ . _ the truth ) , he is up early , and tells -y every j _ , acquaintance , — __ some — , j , finely embellished anecdote , which his inventive brain has founded on this incident , in the middle of which he will break off , and run after the nurse that has just come out of No . 10 , to see whether the child he heard cry ing O the other day - / has really got O the measles , or whether , as he
even hinted small to the -pox nervous . He has old got lady but next a litt door le way , it in was his not questioning scarlet fever of , the or nurse , when he sees a handsome carriage drive up to the house opposite , and he is off like a swift arrow to find out the crest on the panel , and if there be a coronet on it , he will hang about on the chance of being able to brush a bit of dirt off my Lord's coat ; orotherwise intrude
on the duties of the footman . And thus he spends , his day as if a very fiend were always in pursuit of him , that never would allow him to rest still for one little second . One cannot help laughing sometimes at this contemptible creature . j I have even gone so far as to pity him sometimes , when I have seen
him baffled in his industrious endeavour to ferret out some imaginary mystery lived there . Some and one are has somewhat been , ill reserved at No . , 20 not , and even as they his impudence have not long has ] j been able to get a nod from the gentleman or a bow from the lady . He j has tried the servants ( I have known him . carry a pint of porter in a I pewter out how mug many to dinner the area -parties gate for his the master footman gave on a week the ) chance but in of this finding case ]
they have given him short answers . For three days he , has devoted his vafuable time and energies to watching the house , arid has been in turns mistaken for a petty thief , a private spy , a sheriff's officer , and a dog- j and stealer he ; keeps yet he the has very discovered flies awak nothing e in his . room His b food y walking remains up and untasted down ,- j all nihtlike a fidgetty spectre . He has made three attempts to speak
to the g doctor , , but each time he has just missed him ; now he has watched him in , and is determined not to miss him again . He has just moved across the road to see if he cannot make out a shadow on the blind But our , when friend out is comes soon in the chase doctor , and , jumps tears up into the his street carriage beckoning and is to off the . coachman —1 ^ ^^ b ^ v —a ^ ^ ^^ A ^ t A ^ p ^ f ^ ' m till ^ b ™ ^ b the —^ ™ " —**¦ carriage ^^— — ' ^—• V ^ b ^ b . w | k ^^^ stops — r w ^* w 1 ^^ . ¦ < Breathless v ^ p ^ v ^ ^^^ - ^ ^ ^ ¦ - ^ ~— - — ^ h > ¦ - ~ and ™^ »^ — ^~ w ^— dusty — — - — — — ^ m he ~— — — . — gets ^^^ B ^^ to ^^ the
window and pants out , " Doctor , what is it , an operation , a fever , gossi or a bab p about y ? " them The , doctor drives , who off with has too a Pish many ! patients And now to , have indeed time , may to tenance you pity ; our but friend he soon as bri he ghtens stands up quite and baffled tells the with first a person grievou he s meets counto that his " certain the lad knowled y at No . ge 20 for has a twins month , thoug , if they h they are have mar ried a been t all , married and he
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Citation
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Tomahawk (1867-1870), Sept. 28, 1867, page 214, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_28091867/page/2/
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