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Untitled Article
referred . One to whom I related it , and with it my sensations and thoughts on the occasion , said , * Oh , that was the right thing . ' I was thus taught that there might be a distinction between a person of religious reputation and one of Christian feelings ; that they might be wide as the poles asunder . Generous and honest reader , which or what inference will you draw from this ? Perhaps , though , you will say , my nice recollection of these things , or , rather , my ability to note them so closely , so minutely , is an evidence that I was not much moved bv the circumstances . Mv friend , —let me so call you , —I have
gathered them together since , by rethinking them over . Do not fall into the error of believing that that which is stirring us most , which produces the wildest riot , or most bustling variation in our thoughts , is least likely to be remembered . Even in its smallest or remotest particulars , it may sharpl y and deeply cut its records on the brain . I have dissected myself a thousand times . I have analyzed my sensations , and lived my life over and over again ; and there has been in me this faculty of watchfulness , or , rather , this power of minute retrospection under all circumstances . When every thought scalded my veins and dashed the hot waves of agony on my heart ,
they have left their clear and distinct impressions on my memory ; and though I could not knead my thoughts into a subjugation of my sufferings , —could not press the feverishness of the rocking heart into a calmness of beating , —no , nor steer my conduct , manner , and actions on the currents of a composing rationality under such influences , nothing was omitted to be entered * on that
book . There is not a highly exciting circumstance in my existence , of which I have not a perfect remembrance ; of every thought which passed through my mind , and every sensation of pain or pleasure , self-approbation or reproach , of gladness or regret , which accompanied it , as accurately as at the moment of its occurrence . All over again , I think , feel , and live . There are
thousands of men who do so , but perhaps no one has hitherto ventured to speak freely or illustratively on this subject . I can remember each current and bubble ; I can trace the fount and course of thoughts thirty years old , and lay bare the recipient , or the awakened feeling , answering to those thoughts ; how one feeling broached the channel for another , and that ran till it
discharged into a third . These things are the result of habit ., solitude , intense companionship with myself . I am a history of sensations ; then marvel not that I am an egotist , but indulge me in the humour of an avowed one . 1 have yet to discover , —but I think I never shall make the discovery , —that such egotism is either criminal , silly , or weak .
Perhaps the reader , Qn a little reflection , will perceive why I have recorded this anecdote ; one inference he will be sure to draw from it . There is , however , another corollary , viz . verbal
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776 The Escape .
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Citation
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Monthly Repository (1806-1838) and Unitarian Chronicle (1832-1833), Nov. 2, 1833, page 776, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/mruc/issues/vm2-ncseproduct2626/page/44/
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