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Jasuary 18, 3845. THE *r 0 RTH1RN STAR 3
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COXEN'G.SBY; or, TILE NEW GENERATION BtB...
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SIMMOEDS' COLONIAL MAGAZINE. Jaxuart. Wi...
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COLBURX'S NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE. Jasvavx....
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THE O'DONOGIITJE ; a Talc of Ireland Fif...
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THE EDINBURGH TALES. Conducted bv Mi's. ...
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THE PRESTONIAN PLAN. Wilkinson and Co., ...
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THE VALUE OF BIOGRAPHY IN THE FORMATION ...
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THE MEDICAL TIMES ALMANACK FOR 1846. Thi...
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THE GAZETTE OF VARIETY. Part X.— Cleave,...
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A BOWL OF "PUNCH," FRESH BREWED.
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THE PACPEli's SONfl. Houseless, famish d...
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PLAYERS IX PALACES. Pcoi)le know that th...
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Homage to the Pheasants.—It must be grat...
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m ttite
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A Prettt Thought.—A coquette is a rose f...
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Transcript
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Jasuary 18, 3845. The *R 0 Rth1rn Star 3
Jasuary 18 , 3845 . THE * _r 0 RTH 1 RN STAR 3
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LITTLE FOOLS A 5 D GREAT ONES . ' BY CHABLES MACKAY . { Then at the social board you sit , and pass around the wine , { temember , though abuse is -vile _^ that use may he divine : Thai Heaven , in kindness , gave the grape to cheer hoth great and small ; _Ihat little fools will drink too much , but great ones not stall . _4 _nd when in youth ' s too fleeting hours , you roam the earth alone , _£ na have not sought some loving heart that you mav make your own—£ emember woman ' s priceless worth , and think when pleasures pall , That little fools trill love too much , but _creat ones not at
And if a friend deceived you once , absolve poor human kind , _JJor rail against your fellow man with malice in your mind ; But in your daijy intercourse , remember , lest you fall , Ihat little fool ? confide too much , but great ones not at all . In weal or woe , be trustful still , and in the deepest care Be hold and resolute , and shun the coward foe , despair ; I / A work and hope go hand in hand , and know , whate ' er
_DCfeB , That little fools may hope too much , but great ones not at all . In work or pleasure , love or drink , your rule be still the same : your work not toil , your pleasure pure , _yourlovea steady flame ; Your drink not maddening , but to cheer , SO shallyourjoy not pall , For little fools enjoy too much , hut great ones not at all .
OUK HOME AND _FATHEKLAXD , Come , fill your glass , and let it pass , To hail the dawning year ; Come , drink with me ; my toast shall bo—Our Albion ever dear . And wait a wee , we yet shall see Brig ht freedom take her stand ; And proudly brave , her banner wave O ' er home and fatherland ! O ' er home and fatherland , ye brave ,
Our joyous pledge shaU be . _Ilnirah 1 hurrah I hurrah to _thoso Who dare for liberty ! Tho * tyrant kings—those meaner things—The scum and scorn of earth , Seek to enslave the patriot brave : _] 'Tis hut to try their -worth . Thrice noble he , whoe ' er he be , Who firmly takes his stand ; And dares to Bght _, and boldly smite , For home and fatherland !
For home and fatherland , & c . To the good and true , the noble crew , AVlio follow freedom ' s train ; ¦ Who equal laws—the poor man's cause—Will ever dare maintain ; "Who jeers and jibes , and threats and bribes , Sor e't-n tlie _grant's ban , "Wiil ever move to aught , save _lox _* e For home and fatherland ! For home and fatherland , 4 c .
Who steadfast hold , despite of gold , The equal rights of man , Shall honoured be , for ay , by me Despite of _tyrants ban . r . ut ever spurn the craven worm , And scorn the dastard hand , ** f ho slave would he , nor strike to free Our home and fatherland ! Our home mid fatherland , ye brave ! "We'll give it three times three . Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah to those Who dare for liberty J As Englishwoman
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Coxen'g.Sby; Or, Tile New Generation Btb...
_COXEN'G . SBY ; or , TILE NEW GENERATION _BtB . D'Jsraeu , Esq ., M . P . London : Colbum , Great Marlborougli-strcct . ( Continued from tlte Northern Star of January lWi . J "O , for one hour of George Canning ! " exclaimed ihc Eon . George _Stjoxey _Smyihe , at tbe Manchester _Athenjpum soiree- and a similar wish would seem to be cherished by the author of Coningsby , judging by his commendations ofthe defunct" statesman" ( i ) . Such a wish coming from the lips of a young man like Mr . _Smythe , who , notwithstanding his acknowledged talents , is too young to know anything of flic
realities of Gassing's statesmanshi p , is excusable Mr . _Smythe is , we fancy , pretty extensively read in the history of other countries , and is not unacquainted with that of liis own relating to the events of by-gone times . But it is not often that young men think of studying tlie history of that period immediately preceding their own existence , or in which their childhood has been passed . And this must be file case with Mr . _SirrrnE ; otherwise he would never have indulged hi the wish for the return of Canning ' s statesmanship . Utter ignorance of the character of the man he so lavishly lauded can be his only excuse for so ridiculous a performance .
But even this excuse cannot be advanced for Mr . _D'Iseai-u . Though the head of " Young England , " _ftcia oW « Hui £ liio remember at least something of Caxxixo ' s doings . He had , too , the advantage of imbibing instruction from that greatest of political teachers of the last fifty years " " William Cohbett , which advantage his morcvouthful coadjutors have not had . With the facts of Casmxc' s statesmanship before his eyes twenty years ago , and the lessons of the "Monarch of the Press" criticising all that then occurred , wc are at a loss how to frame , or admit of , an excuse for Mr . _H'Israeli when he joins in the chorus of homage to the memory of a man who was , inhisdav , the worst enemy of liberty—tho bitterest
opponent ofthe progress of popular freedom . Mr . B'Jskaeli and his friends have voluntarily come forward as the teachers , guides , and leaders of the _"yew Generation . " They were notsolieitcd to take Each a task upon themselves . They took to it , assuming to be better qualified for the labour than the parties previously claiming the ear of the public They denounce all otherpartics—Whig , Tory , Radical , and Chartist . All else are wrong—themselves right . If so , they at least should be as perfect in their historical and political knowledge as the parties { hey repudiate . If not , the public may fairly demur tothe proposition to abandon their old " guides" for iheleadership ofthe " new lights . "
As regards _CaxxixGand Caxsbg ' s statesmanship the Toung-Englanders are " " ' aU in the wrong . " If they are ignorant of the dceeased jester ' s political career , they are but-sorry teachers when they praise such a man : and if not ignorant , thcy . wiih their eyes open , identify themselves with his atrocious politics , and they array themselves _aoauist , instead of on , the side of tlie people of England , whose relentless and unscrupulous enemy Caxxixg ever was . -Farfeshall prove the truth of our assertion . To begin at the beginning : while he ( Canxixg ) was yet a young man , he commenced his political career by ediiing a newspaper , called the Anti-Jacobin { a paper bepraised by the liberal Weekly Chronicle a few _montlis bach ); wluch new / paper uas set up and
_ttipporial by tlie public money ! As editor of the Anti Jacobui , Caxxixg supported every measure of Pitt and hissing , no matter how despotic , denouncing as foes of society all who were opposed to Pitt ' s atrocities . He also , as a public writer and a member of Parliament , daringly defended every suspension _^ of the Habeas Corpus Act—every measure for fettering the press , and for inflicting the worst punishments On political offenders . Soon after he became a member of Parliament , he got himself a sinecure place , which he held to the day of his death , and for which sinecure place he received £ 17 , 000 of the public money . For thirty years he SHed high and lucrative situations in the public EervJee : _bcimr ai one time Under Secretary of
State ; at another , Paymaster of tha Forces ; at another , Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs ; at another , President of the Board of Controul for India Affairs j at another , Ambassador to Portugal ; at anoiha ? , again Secretary of State for Foreign Aftairs ; and lastly , First Lord of the Treasury , and : Chancellor of the Exchequer ; the emoluments of which ofHces would amount to not less than one hai- ' drid < md tuaity _thousandpwunds ! Add to this the " snog he made by his ambassadorship to Portu-: _p _* and _taesuni total ( irrespective of hissineeure ) will _^} A le _& th & none 7 imidredcmdfftyt ! iousaiid 2 } Ounds _>\ _wsmes which he meanlv put Ins two sisters on the j P _^ ' on Ikt , instead of keeping them himself , who ] tad for their share of the public plunder not less than _™> _t _i'vit ? . md poioids . And lastly , he had a son , _""W _Ayilll _ui Prrr Caxxixg , a naval officer , and ™ 05 _eqnenav also a nublic nlunderer : and all this j
_gander was _wrun _<* from the toil and robbed from the ea , f _^ of the people . f 5 a Minister , this man involved , or aided to _iniwi _K _^ nntrv in difficulties and miseries _pre-^ F . miesainpled . Abroad he mainly contributed _^ . _^ _w snlting despatches to embroil this country _^ utthe "Oniied States Government , thus causing < j v _* _"American war , which ended with the battle Ihar _? ' rleans i after disgraces , naval as well as _mi-Bot _i' _^ ost humiliating to the people of England ; fineW _W fhe addition of seventy millions ster-Port ,, , " « eht caused by that war . And in Spain , e % i _^ _i and Sont _& America , tie most distressing _thinLT , _* ° the inhabitants of those countries and _Ota _£ 2 c of _^ _were the fruits ( mainly ) of his _lntftbe _p" * - At home , he defended the corruption _toss _aT _^ of Commons : denouncing the _Reforfle a * onr * 4 hw degraded crew , " and their _en-^ W _^ f _^ _'nathat _^^ " a _Dcnwcmticalm-* lo Hah _^ _hlehhti adjured the precious members _^^^ l _^ d against : ' InlS 17 , _he impudently _^^^'' _PoweV-of-MprisonmentBills " brought
Coxen'g.Sby; Or, Tile New Generation Btb...
w by Siomouih and Castlereaoh , which authorised Ministers to seize any man that thev might suspect of treasonable practices : to take him * without producing any evidence against him—without letting him know his accuser or telling him of anv particular act that he was accused of—to send him , without anv commitment stating the precise nature of his offence , to any gaol , in any part of tho kingdom—to keep him in a solitary dungeon , without the use of pen , ink , or paper , and cut off from all communication with wife , parents , children , or friends . In 1818 , when some of these unfortunate men had found the means of petitioning the Parliament , and of representing the sufferings of their bodies and tho anguish of " their niinds , this Caxxixg turned their complaints into and
jest , particularly the complaint of a most worth v and aged man of Manchester , who had been totally ruined in his business , and who complained of a disorder brought upon him by the violence of those who had seized him and imprisoned him , and whose truly-horrifying statement he answered bv a jest , in which he termed the petitioner "the REVERED AND RUPTURED OGDEN ; " therebv , as the newspaper report of the debate stated " , exciting in the house " a loud and qeneralrour of laughter . " In 1810 , he defended , more daringly than anv othor man , the conduct of the infernal Manchester magistrates , and Manchester yoomanrv , for their butchery of the people at Peterloo . * In the same year he supported and defended the accursed Six Acts , which were intended forthe total extinguishment of every vestige of freedom in this country . In 1320 he openly defended the emplovment bf
Spies , and particularly the emploving of tlie hellish miscreant Edwards , the entrapper of poor Thistlewood and lus fellows . In 1 S 16 , 1819 , 1822 , 1824 , and 1826 , he was guilty of the most fooL ' * h , if not the most wicked of doings , in his tamperings ( in conjunction with Feel and others ) with the currency , by which thousands were reduced to beggarv , and from the evil effects of wliich the nation up to this hour has not recovered . In denouncing and waging war against the Press , be declared he would " extinguish 5 ie accursed toreh of discord for ever . '' And lastly , when he had achieved the summit of his ambition , and become Prime Minister of England , supported by a crew of recreant Whigs and apostate politicians , he concluded his infamous career bv making the following insolent declaration on the 4 th of May , 1837—within a few weeks of his death— " I wnx oppose Parliamentary Reform , in
WHATEVER _SHArE IT MAT APPEAR , TO THE LAST B 0 CB OF MT LIFE IX THIS HOUSE !" Such , Messrs . D'Israeu and Smtthe _, were the doings , —but too briefly sketched , —of tour model statesman . ' "What we have charged to his account arc facts ; and
"Facts are chiels that wmna ding , An * _downa be disputed . " Last week we thanked the author of Coningsby for unveiling the atrocities of the SruMorrrns " and Castxereaohs : but justice demands that then . 'participant in crime , Caxxixg , should share the infamy attached to their names . Besides , however unthankful may be the task of disturbing the " revered axd KcrruRED" ashes of the heartless jester , it is due to the people that we do not allow Mr . D'Israeu and his friends to impose on them , under the cover of a generous sentimentality—the infernal policy of Caxxixg . It may be , as we have above intimated , the Young Englanders may know no better ; but if they arc SO green , it does not follow that we should allow them to mislead the "New Generation . " ( To be continued . )
Simmoeds' Colonial Magazine. Jaxuart. Wi...
_SIMMOEDS' COLONIAL MAGAZINE . _Jaxuart . With the comraencement of a new year we have the commencement of a new volume of this useful and entertaining publication . The present number contains nothing demanding comment , beyond the mere fact that its contents are generally acceptable . The principal articles are on " The Agriculture of Hindostan ; " "Australia : Past , Present , and Future ; " "A Journal of a Voyage to Port Phillip ;" " The Climate of North America ; ' * " Condition and Prospects of VanDieman ' s Land ; " "New Brunswick , " Ac . There are also lighter articles , which will be found not devoid of attraction . From " Our Note Book" we extract a wonderful account of an elk hunt in the United States , in the year 1818 . The hunters
were rivals—John Dougherty , a Kentuckiail , who is still alive and residing in Clay county , Missouri ; and a half-breed , called Mai Bceuf ( Bad Beef ) . They were stationed at one of the ports of the Missouri Fur Company ; their business was to provide venison for the company ' s servants . Card-playing on the day previous to the nm—ai which the half-breed had been defeated—excited more than usual rivalry in the breasts of the two runners . A herd of elk were discovered ; when , instead of killing them with their guns , the half-breed challenged the Kentuckian to run down the elk and kill them with then-knives . The challenge was accepted , their guns were hung in a tree , and raising the Indian yell to frighten the animals , the run commenced .
Off they went across a low prairie a few miles in width , leaving theirpursuers far behind ; but steadily the latter continued their pace nevertheless . They reached the hluff—ascended—crossed—descended—one resolve uppermost in their minds , " never to say fail . " league after league the chase and the race continued—the men panting like hounds , cooling their mouths in crossing an occasional "branch" by throwing up the water with their palms , but still unpausing , until , approaching Elk Ilorn river , a distance of twenty miles , by mutual agreement they took a circuit with an increase of speed , got ahead of the elk , and actually prevented them from crossing _, leagues and leagues , upon a new track , the chase continued , the animals hy this time so exhausted by heat , tliirst , and , ahove all , fright , —for the hunters had
incessantly sent forth their yells , in tliis case as much a scream of mutual defiance as an artifice of tlie chase , —that they scarcely exceeded their pursuers in speed ; the latter , foaming and _maddened with _excitement redoubled' their efforts , until the elk , reaching a prairie pound , or " sink , " the hunters at their heels , plunged despairingly in , lay down , and abandoned themselves , heedless of all else , to the gratification of their tliirst . The frantic rivals , _loiife in hand , dashed in after their prey , began the work of slaughter , paused not until they had butchered sixteen , dragged them from the water , and cut up and prepared the meat for transportation to the fort , whither they had to return for horses . Had the race ended ? So ! For Victory or death was the inward determination , aud as yet neither had given way . Off dashed again the indomitahle half-breed , and at his side the unyielding Kentuckian .
Rise and hollow , stream and timber—no yelling now—in desperate silence were left behind . The sun was sinking —hliud , staggering , on they went—they reached the fort , haggard , wild , and voiceless , as from the _firesjof the savage , the " gauntlet" of fiends . A crowd gathered round the exhausted men , who had arrived together , and now lay fainting , still side by side , a long time before they were enabled , by signs and whispers , to tell that they had run down sixteen elk , and yet couldn't say which was the hest man ! This feat brought upon D an affection of the lungs , nor did he recover his strength for several years . He is _stiU alive , a quiet and influential citizen . Mai Bocuf hecame very dissipated , and died in a short time . Our informant tells us that he has made an examination of the country forming their race-tr . iek himself , and that they , without exaggeration , must have run seventy-five miles between the hours of eight a . m . and seven r . _a _.
We learn from an article on the islands in Bass ' s Straits ( near Van Dieman ' s Land ) , that the last remnant ofthe aborigines of Van Dieman ' s Land are located on one of these , called Fiinder's island . The race is rapidly approaching extinction , as they now number but about fifty ; and though well provided for , and composed of equal numbers of both sexes , —not a single birth has occurred for three or four years . This is attributed to their pining for Van Dieman's Land , the home of their birth .
Colburx's New Monthly Magazine. Jasvavx....
COLBURX'S NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE . _Jasvavx . It Is nnnecessary to trouble our readers with comment on this popular magazine : its name alone being an introduction all-sufficient . From "Sketches of Zurbano and Arivaneta , by one who knew them both , '' we take the following highly-interesting account of _Znrbano and his son : —The latter , our readers will be aware , was lately brntaJIy murdered by order of the butcher Narvaez ; the former still lives , and is in all | probability destined topunishthe fiendish murderer of lus children . Zckdaxo is no favourite of ours , for he is no democrat ; on the contrary , he has been —as the tool of Espartero—the persecutor of democrats ; still , with all his faults , we cannot but wish him safe from the snares of his remorseless enemy Narvaez ; not omitting to add to that wish , that the opportunity may yet be afforded to him of avenging himself and his country on the person of that prince of assassins , for whom a day of retribution is surely
conimg
_zubbaso _axp ms sox . To judge from his ( Zurhano _' s ) appearance ( 183 C ) , " he was about forty-five years of age , perhaps rather more , but in activity and strength I should say he was full ten years younger . I have rarely seen a man who gave me more the idea of one capahle of undergoing great fatigue and hardship . lie was rather short in stature , about five feet seven inches , I think < hut being somewhat roundshouldered , he appeared less than that . In person he was spare , no superfluous flesh about him , but an abundance of bone and sinew . The prevailing character of his face , which was much tanned and weatherbeaten , was one of indomitahle resolution . His eyes , which were grey and deep set , overhung by bushy and projecting brows ,
had a quick , intelligent expression , and at times , when he was not in any way excited , almost a thoughtful one , but when roused—in action , for instance—they gleamed fiercelv . His lips were thin and usually compressed , and certain lines about the mouth gave rather a cruel expression to his lace , but his smile was frank , ana by no means disagreeable . He wore no beard , save a soldier ' s whisker to the bottom of the ear . His usual , I may say his invariable , costume , consisted of a samara , or loose jacket of black sheepskin , a scarlet _ooina , or Ba 6 gue cap , such as the Carlists wore , with a large gtarlike gold tassel spreading over the top , blue or red overalls , heavy boots , and long , jingling , Spanish spurs . His neck was usually bare j his gloves must have beena
Colburx's New Monthly Magazine. Jasvavx....
very trifling expense to him ; " his cavalry sabre was slung to a helt of common black leather . He had a most unbounded contempt for what he seemed to consider the fopperies of uniform , and always preferred the unmilitary , hut hy no means unpicturesque , dress above described—probably the very same he had worn when a contrabanduta . Subsequently to this , when he had attained far greater celebrity than at the time I speak of , and had ascended step by step , and in spite of jealousy aud disfavour , to the command of a brigade , It was intimated to him by the general of the division to which he belonged , that it was desirable he should conform to the regulations ofthe service , and appear upon parade in the uniform of his rank . I had left Spain before that period , but I have since hau described to me , what I can well imagine , the ludicrous annovance and discomfiture
of Zurbano , at being compelled to abandon his usual neglige garb , and dou the cocked-hat and feather , and the tightly-buttoned , coat , with cuffs nnd collar stiffened by embroidery , of a Spanish general ' s costume . The son of Zurbano wasasremarkablein his way as hisfather . When I first saw him , he was not sixteen years old , puny and diminutive for his age , with a little , pale , sickly-looking face , very red lips , large dark eyes , and voice like a woman in a passion , always upon the scream . How it vyas that E 0 delicate-looking an urchin managed to support the hardships of a guerilla life , I cannot explain ; but I suppose it was his pluck and energy _thitt carried him through . Girt with a sword nearly as long as himself , carrying a light lance , and perched upon a tall horse that would have made a good charger for a man of twelve stone Weight , he USCd to gallop about at the head of his father's
cavalry , then consisting of some five and twenty badly equipped and mounted lancers , chiefly deserters from the Carlists . He _> vas already a eornot in the Spanish service ; and not sharing his father ' s contempt for dress , he used _to-come out on fete days , and other grand occasions , in ( l most dapper uniform , with a broad silver hand down tho side of his overalls , a closely fitting green jacket , and foraging cap of fanciful device . At such times he put me in mind of one of the smartly painted wooden soldiers , used as toys for children—not that he by any means played at soldiering—it was right down earnest with him ; and one of his father ' s officers assured me , that young Zurbano had already diminished the numbers of Don Carlos ' s army , by no less than eleven men . If this be true , I do not suppose he had slain them all in single combat—probably the majority were fugitives that he had
overtaken and killed—but nevertheless , he WHS Skilful ill tlie use of his weapons and management of his horse , and possessed more muscular strength than his delicate appearance indicated . He was a bloodthirsty young imp . I recollect one day , after a skirmish , we had driven the Carlists out of a village in Alava , and I found myself pursuing a _feUow who was scampering in great haste across a field . I was close to him , when up came Zurbano , swearing most lustily , in his squealing tones , his lance down , and preparing to give the poor devil his quietus , by means of a rigorous "front point . " I was just in time to turn his lance aside , and then I thought he would have made a poke at me , he seemed so bent on sticking somebody . I prevailed upon him , however , to spare tlie unlucky _Carlist , and he took him back as a prisoner , driving him before him , and occasionally stimulating his progress by '
a prick with his lance point . Young Martin , as they used to can him , though his name was Benito , was nominally in command of his father ' s cavalry ; hut as ho would inevitably have * led them to destruction had they been left entirely to his guidance , he had adjoined to him as a mentor one Mecolaldi , a very smart , gallant feUow , who subsequently lost his arm in action . It would be difficult to name any officer or partisan who did so much real damage to the enemy , and was so miiformly successful in his undertaking , as Zurbano , during the whole period of the Carlist struggle . _ITe united aU the qualities essential to success in a war of that description ; great personal bravery and presence of mind , a knowledge of the country in whieh he acted , and considerable skill in obtaining information and devising stratagems . The Carlists , who dreaded him more
than any other Christino chief , never considered themselves safe while he was within twenty or thirty leagues of them . He would accomplish forced marches of a length that appeared almost fabulous ; and in an extraordinary short time fall upon and exterminate some detachment of the enemy , capture a valuable convoy , or kidnap an officer of rank . # # * rfe was veiy careless of the honours which Spanish military men usuall y prize ; refused decorations that were ottered to him , and never wore the galoncs , or lace stripes lipon the coat cuff , that mark the rank of field-oflicers iu Spain . The terror with which Zurbano inspired the Carlists was only to be equalled _hyjtheir detestation of him . " £ Ji ) _lfame Barea , " as they used to call him , would have met but skimp measure of mercy had he fallen into their hands . * * # To a man of Zurhano ' s impetuous character and active habits , illness was of course a dreaded calamity . Once at Vittoria he had an attack of a painful malady , and while it lasted I went two or three times to see him . He was obliged to keep
lushed , and used to lie cursing andswearhig " at no allowance , " and grinding his teeth , not so much with the suffering he endured , as with impatience at being compelled to remain idle , instead of mounting his horse , and sallying forth a perseguir Vos faccioses . I do not think he was ever comfortable except when he was rampaging about the country with his little baud of desperadoes , seeking whom he might devour . His "A cllos ! " or "Atthem !" when he caught a view of the Carlists , was as hearty and as inspiriting as the sound of a trumpet . And off he would go , always the first , spurring his Andalusian , and waring his heavy sabre , while the Carlists would sing out , "Lemonio ! Barea . '" and run like mad . He was always eager to get to close quarters—always for a charge in preference to the long short work which some of the Spanish are so fond of . He used to get off his horse , put himself at the head of his infantry , and dash up to the assault of a parapet or position without wasting a cartridge . He got his share of wounds , but exposing himself as he did , it is wonderful he lasted the war out .
The O'Donogiitje ; A Talc Of Ireland Fif...
THE _O'DONOGIITJE ; a Talc of Ireland Fifty Years Ago . By Harry _Lourequer . No . I . Orr and Co . This new work of Mr . Lever ' s promises to rival the best of its predecessors . The author ' s description of the _ralley of Glenllcck is truly and beautifully poetical ; and there is no lack of that humour which illumines all Mr . Lever ' s previous productions . Wc have no room this week for comment or lengthy extracts , but must confine ourselves to the two following tit bits : —
A _SiJEBEEIf HOUSEWIFE ' S IDEAS OF IUPH 0 VEMENT . "And what's bringing them here at all ? " said Mrs . M'Kelly , with a voice of some asperity ; for she foresaw no pleasant future in the fact of a resident great man , who would not be likely to give any encouragement to the branch of traffic her _jn-incipal customers followed . " Sorrow one of me knows , " was the safe reply of the individual addressed , who not being prepared with any view of the matter , save that founded on the great benefit to the country , preferred this answer to a more decisive one . " 'Tis to improve the property , " they say , " interposed the other , who was not equally endowed with caution . " To look after the estate himself he has come . "
" Improve , indeed ! " echoed the hostess . "Much we want their improving \ _TThy didn't they leave us the ould families of the country ? It ' s little we used to hear of im . proving , when 1 was a child . God he good to us . —There was ould Miles O'Donogkue , the presentman ' s father , I'd like to see what he'd say , if they talked to him about improvement . A jch ! sure I mind the time a hogshead of claret didn ' t do tlie fortnight . My father , rest his soul , used to go up to the house every Monday morning for orders ; and ye'd see a string of cars _foUowing him at tlie same tune , with tay , and sugar , and wine , and brandy , and oranges , and lemons . Them was the raal improvements !" " Tis true for ye , ma ' am . It was a fine house , I always heerd tell . "
" _Forty-six in tho kitchen , besides about fourteen colleens and gossoons about the place ; the best of _enthertainmentup 6 tairs and down . " "Musha ! that was grand . " " A keg of spirits , with a spigot , in the servants' hall , and no saying by your leave , but drink while ye could stand over it . " " The Lord he good to us . '" piously ejaculated the twain , " The hams was boiled in sherry wine . " " Begorra , I wish I was a pig them times . " "Aud a pike daren't come up to table without an elegant pudding in his belly that cost five pounds !" " 'Tis the fish has their own luck always , " was the profound meditation at tliis piece of good fortune .
IBISH WAY OF EAISIXG THE WIND . It was a little after Christmas last year that Mr . Malachi thought he'd go up to Dublin for a month or six weeks with the young ladies , just to show them , by way of ; for ye see , there ' s no dealing at all down here ; and he thought he'd bring them up , and see what could he done . Musha ! hut they're the hard stock to get rid of ! and somehow they don't improve by holding them over . And as there was levees , and drawing-rooms , and balls going on , sure it would go hard , _huthe'dgetoffa pair of them anyhow . "Well , it was an elegant scheme , if there was money to do it ; hut devil a farthiu' was to be had , high or low , beyond seventy pounds I gave for the two carriage horses and the yearlings that was out in the field , and sure that wouldn't do at all . He tried the tenants for
"the _November , " but what was the use of it , though he offered a receipt in full for tcu shillings in the pound ?—when a lucky thought struck him . Troth , and it ' s what ye may caH a grand thought too . He was walking about before the door , thinking and ruminating how to raise the money , when he sees the sheep grazing on the lawn fornint him ; notthat he could sell one of them , for there was astrap of a bond or mortgage on them a year before . "Faix , " and says he , " when a man ' s hard up for cash , he ' s often ohliged to wear a mighty threadbare coat , and go cold enough In the winter season—and _Bure it ' s reason , S _^ _CCP isn't better than Christians ; aud begorra , " says he , "I "
have the fleece off ye , if the weather was twice as cowld . No sooner said than done . They were ordered into the haggard-yard the same evening , and , as sure as ye re there , they cut the wool off them three days after Christmas . Musha ! but it was a pitiful sight to see them turned out shivering and shaking , with the snow on the ground . And it didn't thrive with him ; for threo died the first night . Well , when he seen what come of it , he had them all brought in again , and they gathered aU the spare clothes and the ould rags in the house together , and dressed them up , at least the ones that were worst ; ana such a set of craytures never was seen . One had an old petticoat on : another a flannel waistcoat ; many could
The O'Donogiitje ; A Talc Of Ireland Fif...
only get a cravat or a pair of gaiters '• ' but the ram beat all , for he was d ressed in a pair of corduroy breeches , and an ould spencer of the master ' s ; and may I never live , if I didn't roll down full length on the grass when I seen him .
The Edinburgh Tales. Conducted Bv Mi's. ...
THE EDINBURGH TALES . Conducted bv Mi's . _Jouksto . ve . Tait , Edinburgh . Mrs . Johnstone is well known in the literary world as tlie author of Clan-Albyn , Elizabeth de Bruce , Knights of the Round Table , and some of the best talcs and articles in Tail ' s Edinburgh Magazine . Several ofthe metropolitan critics ot high stauding have warmly lauded the productions of her pen : anything , therefore , designed for "the million , " by so talented a writer , must command attention . Judging by the first number of these Edinburah Tales , the title appears a misnomer , as tho _sconeV tlie commencement of those Tales is laid in London ; but the title is a matter of but little importance . These talcs commence with " The Experiences of Richard Taylor , Esq ., " whose portrait we will at once introduce to our readers : —
"TUB GEMTIEMA . _V WITH TBE OMBKELLA _, " There must be many persons in London , particularly in the _busyneighbouTlioodcxtendingfroniSt . Paul ' s Churchyard to Charing-Cross , perfectly familiar with Mr . Richard Taylor . His burrow , or central point , was in some lane , small street , or alley , between Arundel-street and Surreystairs , whence ho daily revolved in an orbit of which no man could trace the eccentricity . Its extremities seemed to be Cray ' s Inn on the north , the Obelisk on the south , the London Docks on'the vulgar side , and Hyde Park Corner on the point of gentility . It was next to impossible , any day from eleven tUl two o'clock , between the years 1815 and 1832 , to walk from ' Pall-Mllll to St , Paul ' s without once , if not oftcner , encountering " The Gentleman with the Umbrella . " There he emerged from Chancery-lane , and here he popped upon you from Tcmplel-ane ;
you saw him glide down Norfolk-street , or lost sight of him all at once about Drury-lane ; or beheld hiin holding on briskly , but without effort , along the Strand , till , about Charing-ci'oss , he suddenly disappeared to start upon you , like a "Will o' the Wisp , in some unexpected corner . Now was he seea in the Chancery Court — now sauntering towards Billingsgate Market — now at the Stock Exchange , aud again at _tlui Bow-street office . He might , in the same hour , be seen at the hustings in Palace-yard , and hovering on the outskirts of ono of Orator Hunt ' s meetings , as far off as Spafields ; at a reasonable hour , in the gallery of the House of Commons _^ and next in Mr . Edward Irvihg ' s Chapel . The British Museum divided his favour with the great butcher markets , and with the picture and book auctions , which he regularly frequented . The best idea may be
formed ofthe movements of Mr . Richard Taylor from the different notions formed of his character and calling . For the first five years of his sojourning in London many conjectures were formed concerning this " Gentleman about town , " or " The Gentleman with the Umbrella " by which descriptive appellation he came to be pretty generally known among the shopmen and clerks along his line of quick-march . His costume and appearance , strange as the association seems , was half-military , half-Moravian . By many he was set downa ! a reporter for the daily prints —vulgarly a penny-a-liner ; a calling universally sneered at by those whose figments and marvels are paid from twopence a line upwards . His frequent attendance at the police offices , and in the courts of law , favoured this conjecture , as well as his occasional appearance at places of public amusement . A sagacious tradesman in
Cockspur-street , a reformer , who had beeninvolved in "the troubles" of the times of Hardy and Home Tooke , set him down as a half-pay officer , now a spy of the Home Office . A tavern-keeper in _Fleet-strcet , who had seen liim at the Bow-street Office voluntarily stop forward to interpret for a poor Polish Jew , against whom law was going hard from ignorance ofthe Cockney , dialect of | the English language , affirmed that he was a Polish refugee . But he had also been heard to interpret for an itinerant weather-glass seller from the Lake of Como , in a similar scrape ; and for a 'Turkish seaman who , having first been robbed , was next to be sent to prison for not consenting to be twice robbed—of his time and his moneyin prosecuting the thief . These things rather told iu his
favour . One day the editor of a well-known liberal paper was seen to stop " The Gentleman with the Umbrella , " and carry him into a great bookseller ' s shop ; and on another he was discovered in a hackney coach with some benevolent Quakers from America , who had been looking on the seamy side of civilization in Newgate . Here was corroboration of good character . Of " The Gentleman with the Umbrella , " wo may _telltai'thcr , that his sister-in-law , Mrs . James Taylor , the wife of tho rich solicitor in Brunswick-square , affectionately named him among her friends , " our excellent and unfortunate brother , Mr . Richard j" her husband familarly , * ' our poor Dick : " a young Templar , studying German , quaintly called him " Mephistophilcs ; " and Mary Anne Moil ' , his god-daughter , emphatically , " Tlie Good Genius . "
For the interesting particulars of the life of the " Gentleman with the umbrella , " and also the commencement of Ids " experiences" under the title of "Young Mrs . Koberts , Three Christmas Dinners , " wc must refer our readers to the work itself . The price of the Tales , sixteen pages octavo , neatly printed , is but three halfpence ; the work is therefore within the reach of all classes .
The Prestonian Plan. Wilkinson And Co., ...
THE PRESTONIAN PLAN . Wilkinson and Co ., _Tysoe-street , _Spafields . This is a pamphlet by Thomas Prestos ' , a veteran Radical , who for upwards of half a century lias been known in the political world , tho steady advocate of those changes which , yet unaccomplished , arc nevertheless nearhig the hour of their advent . Thomas Pheston- is now an old man ; and probably weary of the strife for political reforms , would fain , ere he departs , see the social results ho lias aimed at achieved by other means ; political reform being in the meantune unattainable . The object is a good one ; and a man whose whole life testifies to his sincerity deserves to have his views listened to , however Utopian they may seem to some , or impracticable they may appear to others . Mr . Preston entitles his scheme a " Plan for
renovating the public prosperity , insuring advantageous employment to all industrious persona of both sexes ; the comfortable maintenance of the aged , the sick , the orphan , and the widow j the increase of agriculture and trade ; the education of the young ; tho abrogation of all poor-rates , taxes , and the national debt ; and the gradual resumption ofthe lands of the United Kingdom , as the inalienable property ofthe nation , without injury to a single individual . " Such is the ample list of contents set forth on the title page . As we cannot afford room to discuss the
important pomtstherem mooted , we decline stating our objections to the scheme , unaccompanied by the reasons on which those objections are founded . Tlie work is of that nature that no quotation could do it justice . _Thow 7 ioZ « mustbe read to understand and appreciate the views ofthe author . Though dissenting from the plan , we , nevertheless , would recommend'its . perusal by the Chartist body . As it may be considered the legacy of a veteran Reformer , who has at least tried to "leave the world better than he , ; found it , " it may fairly claim the consideration of the ** New Generation . "
Besides , it strikes us that , was there among the Chartists a return to that healthy system of discussion , which was one of the prinio features of Chartism at the commencement of the agitation , it would be well for the progress of the movement . Single-hearted , quietthinking , but plain out-spoken men , then communed together ; and if there was less of studied rhetoric , there was more of energetic action . The lecturing system has failed to achieve the expectations originally entertained of it . A lecturer lectures in one town , andhasainectrngto listen to him ; but ten miles off there is no lecturer , and therefore there is no meeting . It was not so in the days of 1837-8 . Then men met , whether they had lecturers or not ; and the topics of the day formed subjects for the _homelv
eloquence of thoso , who , if they knew nothing of rhetoric , knew , at any rate , how to call a spade , a spade . There is another evil of the lecturing system . Used to be tickled with the clever speeches of a variety of lecturers , tlie public ear palls at the efforts of—it may be not extra-eloquent—local orators . Men grow nice , and a " good speech" is the thing most in demand . If this be not supplied , apathy takes the place of action . Wc object not to the present lecturers : we would that there were more of them ; but we would not have the movement depend wholly on their exertions . " We would be glad to see a " revival of the discussion system , when such works as the one under notice might be questioned and analysed . The subjects mooted by Mr . Preston arc of tho most vital
interest tp mankind -. let his scheme of remedies therefore be investigated . If proved erroneous , better remedies may suggest themselves to the minds of the investigators . As wc apprehend Mr . Presto . v will find more difficulty than he seems to anticipate in the forming of an association to carry out Ms views , we would suggest to him the propriety of sending his plan to associations already in existence . For instance , Prince Albert in the head of an association of some sortwe forget what—for "the improvement of the dwellings of the labouring classes . " Tho Prince would be a convert worth catching . Again , there is a society
tor the Protection of Native Industry , " patronised , we believe , by some of the peerage and squirearchy : let the plan be laid before them , _frgaiu _, Sir James GftAitAM , as the head of the Homo Department , is _supposed to bo tho " guardian genius" ofthe people ' s weltare ; he should , therefore , be acquainted with Mr . Preston ' s . , plan . A former Home Secretary , the saintly _SiDiiouin _, was much addicted to prving into the supposed plans of Mr . _Prestox and his compatriots ; we would have Sir James follow this example : Mr . Preston ' s pamphlet will be more fitting employment for his prying propensities than Mr . _Mazzisi ' s letters .
The Value Of Biography In The Formation ...
THE VALUE OF BIOGRAPHY IN THE FORMATION OF INDIVIDUAL . CHARACTER , Illustrated _nv _inE Life and Writings of C . R . Peuberton . By G . J . _Holtoake . —Watson , Paul ' sallcy , Paternoster-row . , A pleasing subject , pleasingly and profitably discoursed of . All that tends to make the character of _Pemberton known and appreciated , is of no small service to the cause of human progress . Mr . Watson has therefore done well in publishing this little tract .
The Value Of Biography In The Formation ...
THE MOVEMENT . Vol . 'I .-G . J . IIohoakb _, 40 , Holywell-street , Strand . The first volume of this opponent of priestcraft , and champion of free-discussion , is completed , and will make a very handsome addition to the library of the _fi'OG-thiiilcor . It will do move ; it will add to his sioek of intellectual weapons with which to fight the battle for truth and freedom against the fcinds of superstition and tyranny . The following is an extract from the preface : — It will be fresh in the recollection of our subscribers , how the local authorities , and the Attorney Generate of England and Scotland soiiglit to suppress the Oracle of Season . They were determined it-should not he published , hut its conductors thought differently . It is true the editors went into prison—hut then their work came out—and for once ( the eases are solitary ) right baffled miirht . At the commencement of the Movement ( it being
pledged to tread in the Oracle ' s steps ) it was said that prosecutions of a more effective character would be renewed . But as the simple idea of perfect duty excludes that of fear , we issued our weekly number with the same nonchalance that we took our . breakfast . It seemed so natural to express honest opinions , that in what way it could be wrong we could not conceive , and _integrlty appeared so useful that we would not . Thus we have no merit to claim , and no apologies to make—we have not written from bravado , but from simplicity , and we have known no policy but that of not knowing expediency . A few copies of the first volume , noatly bound , arc , wo understand , to bo had of the publisher . Wo may remind those disposed to support the Movement , that the new volume commenced on the 1 st inst ., and affords a favourable opportunity for them to commence their patronage .
The Medical Times Almanack For 1846. Thi...
THE MEDICAL TIMES ALMANACK FOR 1846 . This useful annual addition to the Medical Times contains , besides the usual matter of an almanack , directions for gardening operations for each month , law charges , allowances , & c . ; list of fire insurance and life assurance companies ; all the State , Church , and colonial officers ; public exhibitions ; a number of useful recipes ; and an immense mass of information connected with the medical profession _.
The Gazette Of Variety. Part X.— Cleave,...
THE GAZETTE OF VARIETY . Part X . — Cleave , Shoe-lane , Fleet-street . An excellent collection of original and selected articles , comprising history , biography , romance , travel , drc . Wo notice some excellent things from the pen of Iloon in the present part . We had cut out a specimen of the contents for reprint , but cannot find room .
A Bowl Of "Punch," Fresh Brewed.
A BOWL OF "PUNCH , " FRESH BREWED .
The Pacpeli's Sonfl. Houseless, Famish D...
THE PACPEli's SONfl . Houseless , famish d , _desp'rate man , A ragged wretch am I ! And how , and when , and where I can , I feed , and lodge , and lie . And I must to the Workhouse go , If better may not he ; Ay , if , indeed ! The Workhouse ? No !—The Gaol—the Gaol for mo . There shall I get the larger crust , The warmer house-room there - , And choose a prison since I must , I'll choose it for its fare , The Dog will snatch the biggest bone _. So much the wiser he : Call me a Dog;—the name I'll own : — The Gaol—the Gaol for me .
What , masters , am I not a Hound ? Have I a soul like you ?—You'd treat mo better , I'll he hound , Ifyebeliev'dittrue . The Pauper than the very Thief You use in worse degree ; Keep to _^ _-ourselves , then your relief ;•—The Gaol—the Gaol for me . The Felon ' s dress is soft to feel As that wliich shames the _Toor ; The Convict eats as good a meal , But gets a little more . Pauper and Thief arc much the same , Por aught that I can see : Well , then ; what matter for the name ?—The Gaol—the Gaol for me .
Players Ix Palaces. Pcoi)Le Know That Th...
PLAYERS IX PALACES . _Pcoi ) le know that the French , as a nation , admire and patronise fine actors ; and yet , from some strange perversity , there is a large party in France who can see . nothing to value in Louis Philippe . This is wrong . With tho very highest opinion of the genius of French players , it is our conviction that the finest actor in France sits , or rather holds , on the throne of that country . A short story in the Algeria supplies another illustration of this truth . _^ Our readers are probably aware that several Arab chiefs cam eovcr to France , reall y to grace the triumph of General Bugcaud—ostensibly to receive the blessings of French civilization . A few days since , these Arabs were introduced to the King and royal family . The _^ _fi-w , with delicious gravity , gives the following account of the comedy , in which Louis Philippe was the principal actor . His first speech ran as follows : —
. "I am happy to see you rouud me—you Who haw fought under the eyes of my children . " And thereby obtained a portion of my parental love ! "I thank ' God for having chosen France amongst all other nations to replace iu Algeria the ancient rulers of the Arab population . " This is the old thanksgiving with which conquerors have , for ages , blasphemed Heaven . They invade a country ; shed torrents of blood ; burn and pillage ; enact every atrocity that can sink men to devils , and then—with the tint of carnage on their hands and plunder in their pockets—thank God for having chosen them to do the work of fiends !
I will endeavour to render the bonds of my rule light . I am desirous that you should regard us as friends sent to you by Providence , ratuer than as conquerors . A somewhat difficult task this , for the Arabs to regard murder , fire , and robbery , as the inconveniences brought upon them by Providence , —and in no way whatever attributable to the restless rapacity , the love of mountebank glory , demonstrated by the French nation ! " Regard us as friends , " says the King , " rather than as conquerors . " Imagine a Dick Tropin , after he had eased a traveller of his watch and puree , and had , moreover , levelled him in a ditch with the butt-end of his pistol—imagine the highwayman coolly observing to the prostrate sufferer , "Regard me as a friend sent to you by Providence , rather than as a conqueror !" The royal comedian continues—I will maintain your customs and your religion ; 7 « iK repair your mOSOMes , and re-establish your schools .
Wherefore , then , should Providence have sent French bayonets to Algeria , if only to support the Mahometan faith ? As—according to Louis Philippe—Heaven lias " chosen France" to rule in Algeria , can it be only to give a new strength to Islamism ? Will the King of the French make a bettor Mussulman than the Emperor of Morocco ? Well—wc cannot answer . To this , however , the principal Arab chief replied , saying—Since we were to bo conquered , vie are proud to have the French for our masters , and to belong to so powerful and generous a nation . The same delicacy of sentiment has been expressed , in anticipation , by George Colmax : —¦ * ' Eels might be proud to lose their coat , If skinned by Molly Dompling ' s hand !" Since wewcre to be flayed—says the comic Chief , for a fine comedian he must be—what a proud tiling for Algeria , that France had the skinning of _licr !
The words that have dropped from the greatest throne in Europe will fall on the heads of our brethren of Algeria like a refreshing shower . This is as it should be ; though we fear , let the shower bo as refreshing as it may , it will hardly remedy the mischief , hardly cure the agony , inflicted by former showers from the same regal elevation—we mean the showers of bullets ! At the dinner , we learn that the King " served the Arabs with Ids own hand . " Just as , in Algeria , the French army served . Arab men , women , and children , with their own hands ; only , unfortunately , they had muskets or sabres in them . And this , up to the present time , is the last comedy , farce , or burlesque—whatever the philosophy ofthe reader may deem it—enacted at the _Tuucrics-
Homage To The Pheasants.—It Must Be Grat...
Homage to the Pheasants . —It must be gratifying to all lovers of game , and therefore true patriots —seeing how veiy intimately the venerable institutions of the country are connected with the rigorous conservation of pheasants , haves , and partridges—to learn that the magistrates of Hampshire—of that countv , made immortal by its hogs—have determined to enlarge the present gaols , or to build new ones , in order to accommodate the increasing number of poachers every day committed for trial . There is a
benighted place in the East—we know not whether the fact has ever reached the trembling ears of Exeter Hall—where hospitals are raised for the preservation , and in honour of , the filtliiest vermin .. Now , England , who yearns to send her bibles to all such darkened pkecs _, does not erect temples to the glorification of loathsome insects : 0 , no ! she is civilized , actively humanising : she is the wonder and the envy of surrounding nations , and therefore she builds prisons for the : preservation of nothing less than hares , partridges , " and pheasants ' .
Punch on Chess .-TIic Mowing question has been sent to us , no doubt by mistake . _Ifyouhave a check , what ought you to do with your pawn j Though it is somewhat ontof our way , we __ wiU give the best answer we ca n to this question . 11 you have a check , and the amount is sufficient , release your pawn at once . Our correspondent , however , had better apply to some respectable _pawnbroker .
M Ttite
m ttite
A Prettt Thought.—A Coquette Is A Rose F...
A _Prettt Thought . —A coquette is a rose from wliich every lover plucks a leaf—the thorns arc reserved for Tier future husband . Moral Axiom . —What a beautiful thing is a rosy check ! How great the contrast when the blush settles to the nose [—Great Gun . Yankee Descriptive . —A Yankee , speaking of a thunder shower , said , "The sky was black and dreary murky and ominous clouds drove _lurioiisly from tbe west , nnd in fifteen minutes it rained like everlasting hooky . "
Thrashing a Ghost !—At IJandsworth , near Birmm « ham a " ghost" has been so severely beaten by _halfa-down scep tics , who were lying m wait for _luili _, that he is now laid iip in a hospital . Cure von a CoLD .-Thefollowingprescriptionhas been taken from an old black letter-book , _a-d . 1403 . Wc print it for the benefit of those medical _antiquarians who arc fond of tracing the progress of medicine : — r-utt your ftettc in hotte water , As liiglie as your tliighcs , AYrapyc your heade up in thumcUc , As lowe as your eyees , Take a quart of rum'd gruellc _, ' _vfluin in _Vieildc , as a close . With a number four dippe —Puiwft . Well _tollowo your nose .
Degradation of a Iankee . —The "native" bom son of a naturalised Irish citizen of New York , having been soundly flogged by his father , went whimpering to his native companions— " It is not for the licking I care , but to be struck by one of them cussed foreigners—that ' s what I ' m mad at !" Hours of Rest . —Archbishop Williams used to sleep onlv three hours out of the four-and-twenty Sewell and Cross ' s young man , when lie went halfprice to the play , and wound up at flic Cider-cellars , returning to take down the shutters at eight in tho morning , never slept at all ; so that on such occasions as those he boat the Archbishop hollow .
"We Flt by _NiGni . "—An unfortunate landlord , on going round to collect his rents , sent lus servant forward to prepare fhe tenant for his visit On reaching the house and finding his servant _taking a _survov , and apparently endeavouring to gain admittancei "What ' s the matter ? " said he ; "is the door bolted ? " " No , master , " was the reply , " but the lodger is ?"— Great Gun . The _Advantage or _ueisc _Iktulucuilu . —During the French war , two Scotchwomen , on their way to church , were conversing about the success ofthe British arms ; when the one remarked to the other , that she believed one chief reason of their success was , that our _aoMiers alwavs prayed to Heaven for
assistancc before engaging in battle . Her companion replied— " But could not the French soldiers likewise pray ? " "Touts ! " interrupted the other , "bletherm' bodies ! wha could understand them V A New Feature ix Sir J . Graham's Medical Reform . —Everybody knows that , since ho has been in office , the Secretary for the Home Department has grcatW increased the number of " rrarflcttcr days " at the * establishment in St . Marthi'sdc-Grand ; but everybody docs not know that Sir James Graham , m furtherance of his notions on tho subject of medical reform , now submits every epistle in tlie " Dead * letter Ojjke , " to a rigid x > ost mortem examination . — Great Gun .
Why ' s . —Why is the Polka like India ale ? Because there arc so many hops in it . —When is the music of a party most like a ship in distress ? When it- sets the pwnps a going . —Why is Alderman Salomons a great luminary ? Because he has eclipsed the Moon . Characteristic—With a jest General Sir C . Napier , the conqueror of Scinde , is wont to win tho soldiers' hearts ; thus , when some insolent and silly young men persisted , insubordinately , to ride violently through the camp and the bazaars , causing frequent accidents , he issued the following order , bringing ridiculo and fear at onco to bear on the _ofleudors . _"_ Gentlemen as well as beggarsif they like , may ride to
, the Devil when they get on horseback ; but neither gentlemen nor beggars have a right to send other people to the Devil , which will be the case if furious riding be allowed in the bazaar . The Major-general lias placed a detachment of horse at the disposal of Captain Pope , who will arrest offenders raid punish them , as far as the regulations permit . And Captain Pope is not empowered to let any one escape punishment , because , when orders have been repeated and arc not oboyed , it is timo to enforce thorn ; without obedience auy army becomes a mob , and a cantonment a bear garden ; the enforcement of obedience is like physic—not agreeable , but necessary . "
Ax American- DESonirnoM of a Teetotaller . —I once travelled through all the state of Maine with ono of them ero chaps . He was as thin as a wbippm post . His skin looked _liko a blown bladder after some of the air has leaked out , kinder wrinkled and rumpled like , and his eye as dim as a lamp that's livin on a short allowance of ile . He put me in mind of a pair of kitchen tongs , all legs , shaft , and head , and no belly ; real gander-gutted looking crittur , aa hollow as a bamboo walldng-canc , and twice as yaller . He looked actually as if he had been picked oft ? a rack at sea , and dragged through a _gimlct-holc . He was a lawyer . Thinks I , the Lord a massy on your clients , vou hungry , half-starved looking crittur you ,
you'll eat ' em up alive . You are just the chap to strain at a gnat and swallow a camel , tank , shank , and flank , all at a gulp . ' How to tell the Dat of tiie Week . —Ring for the eook to bring up the joint . If it is rather low cut , vou mav infer that it is Wednesday or Thursday ; if it " is reduced to a state of hash , you may be certain it is Friday or Saturday . There can be no mistake about the Sunday , if the joint is produced smoking hot and entire , and followed up by a pic or a pudding . Another good plan is to refer to the state of your finances . Gold will toll vou that it is just the beginning ; silver that it must be about the middle ; and coppers , that you certainly have arrived at the terminus of the week . —Punch .
Tom Dibdin ' s _Punni-vg . —Tom , on one occasion , being a steward of the Drury Lane Theatrical Fund dinner , arrived veiy late on a miserable looking nag . whose appearance called forth some remarks and merriment from those at the windows . " Gentlemen , " said he , on entering the room , "you mustn't judge of anything bv its looks . That ' s the pony that plays tho marble horse in Giovanni in London , and can get as much applause as any of you— 'tis the celebrated horse Graphy . " " Graphy ! that ' s a strange name for a horse , Dibdin , " said some one . " Most appropriate , though , " said the punster ; " wkii I mado up my mind to buv a horse , I said , 111 bi-o-graphy , when I mounted him I was _top-o-graphy , when I wanted him to canter I say ge-o-graphy , and when I wish him to stand still , and he won't , I say , 'But you _au-to-graphy , ' and therefore I think Graphy is a ver proper name . "
_Turskg Water _xxto Wot . — Miss Martineau , m one of her letters in the Athcnamm , treats of Mesmerised water . " She says , J ( a young girl ) , "being offered refreshment , chose some mesmerised water , a glass of which was on the table , prepared for me ( Miss M . ) . It seemed to cxlulivate her , and she expressed great relish of the " rcfrcsliment . It struck us that wc would try , another evening , whether her mesmerist's will could _aifect her sense of taste . In her absence , we agreed that the water should bo silently willed to be sherry the next night . To make the experiment as clear as possible , the water was first offered to her , and a little ' ofltdrunk as water . Then the rest was , while still in her hands , silently willed to bo sherry . . She drank it oft—half a tumbler full — declared it very good ; hut . nrosentlv . that it made her tipsy . What was it ?
" Wine—white wine . " And she became exceedingly mem * and voluble , but refused to rise from her chair , or dance any more , or go down Stan's / or she could not walk steady , and should fall and spoil her face , and moreover frighten them all below . ' lhe Great Gun observes—This power of being able to " will" one liquid into another is most worthy of cultivation . We should like to carry it out with regard to our own Cape , at fifteen shillings a dozen , and " will" it into four guinea Madeira . Wc suppose this would be practicable . The old saymg teaches us that " where there ' s a will there ' s a way ; " and , without doubt , our " will' would lead to the way . We would get veiy luxurious in our living . We would "will" penny ginger-beer into champagne ; humble swipes into Burton ale ; and spring-water into tho finest Johamiisbcrg . Every pump should become a Rhenish vineyard !
A Soulless _Max . —Out West , a stump orator , wishing to describe his opponent as a soulless man , said : — " I have heard some persons hold to the opinion , that just at the precise moment after one being dies , another is born ; and that the soul enters and animates the new-born name . Now lliaYC made particular and extensive inquiries concerning my opponent thar , and I find that for some time previous to his nativity nobody died . Fellow _citis-ens , you may draw the inference . " A Timely Repartee . —A soldier of Marshal Saxe'a avruy being discovered in a theft , was condemned to be hanged . What he had stolen might be worth hve shillings . The Marshal meeting him as he was being led to execution , said to him- " What a miserable fool you were to risk your life _&*& _" > shillings ' "General" replied the soldier , "I have risked ifc every day for five pence , " This repartee saved hi * life .
A Yankee Poet thus _deicribes the _excass of hi )? devotion to his true love : — ' I sing hor praise in poetry ; Por her at morn and eve , I cries whole pints of bitter tears , And vipes them off with my sleeve . " Books and Newspapers . —In criticising a book , you are at liberty to remark upon every page . In criticising a newspaper you must look to its general tone and character . An author may write only when the spirit moves him . An editor must write whether the spirit move him or not .
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Citation
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Northern Star (1837-1852), Jan. 18, 1845, page 3, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/ns/issues/ns4_18011845/page/3/
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