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December $, 1868.3 THE TOMAHAWK. 249
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THE AMATEURS!
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Preface. I feel that I have undertaken a...
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A FALSE ALARM.
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My dear Tomahawk,— ing young perso I n r...
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A WORD WITH SOUTH-WEST LANCASHIRE.
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? im " . D We own 'a wi turned ' Gladsto...
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Transcript
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.
Minister It Is With Of The Much Crow P N...
the its Parisian Marquis correspondent of Fairytales . to the Upper House with the title of 2 , —The Daily Telegraph will be graciously pleased to put a and coup will le of be learned graciousl ( and y p advertising leased to pension ) " doctors off several " on the well Civil -known List , " baby-farmers . " 3 . — the The Tomahawk Daily Telegraph the Standard will be graciousl and the y Dail pleased News to . suppress , , y all 4 adults . —The ( of Dail both y Telegraph sexes ) to purchase will be graciousl daily a paper y pleased said to to order have " the largest circulation in the world / ' under pain of death .
December $, 1868.3 The Tomahawk. 249
December $ , 1868 . 3 THE TOMAHAWK . 249
The Amateurs!
THE AMATEURS !
Preface. I Feel That I Have Undertaken A...
Preface . I feel that I have undertaken a Herculean task—I feel task that I am Herc scarcely ulean equal but to leasant the occasion . Who . Not likes onl to write will my of the expose foibles to view of mankind their , petty % Who unp meannesses cares to 1 show Not up I , their assuredl faults y , and and of yet the I am amateur convinced formind that it is I my have duty seen to him give in my experi charac ences - found ters , and disgust never , for without , his stup experiencing you id , assumption a feeling , a sentiment of the many most of pro the - bitterest sation of contempt the most for genuine his laug loathing hable incompetency for his overweening , and a con sen - - ceit . Those who read what follows will find that I do not confine No , I intend my remarks invading to the the narrow sanctum limits of of the the Amateur private Author theatre . , ing looking into - o the ' er heart the books of the of Amateur the Amateur Philanthrop Man- of , -business and inspecting , peepthe actions of the Amateur Soldier . Amateurism is the curse and of . the contemptible nineteenth . century It is a ; pretty it is the word essence for blatant of all that folly , is false nice shall name scarcel for invincible y be sorry conceit , for my . conscience If my sketches will tell give me o that ffence they , I never have been be personal composed . I without make caps malice for — the true use to of nature the world they , shall but I wish And here none let of me my pause friends . to I have try to given wear them a preliminary . flourish on Hundred my trumpet Thousand to excite Readers the curiosity in the of next Tomahawk number ' it s Two shall be So , Ladies care and to satisf Gentlem y their en , very I drop natural ; my £ craving en . I have for information written in . italics between brackets to make my article look pretty—( To be continued—the Amateur Author , next week ) .
A False Alarm.
A FALSE ALARM .
My Dear Tomahawk,— Ing Young Perso I N R...
My dear Tomahawk , — ing young perso I n ran who ove was r the in other my charge day to . Paris One with of my a charm duties - , the shop morning windows after and our I arrival was nowise , was to avers give e her from a good doing look so . at You the the know most how natural extremely , thing obs in ervant the world girls a for re ; her and to it exclaim was therefore to me , at almost that pretty as soon fa as ce we ! were And on is she the not Boulevard handsomely des Italiens dressed , " ?" Look ting nothing certainl I was object y more at a very n before , for striking all my eyes its gaze possessor , profile and was . scarcel , But rewarded who it y was riveted was onl with examining y on a a g the limpse glimpse fascina so and m e - sketches in a print shop , turned away and walked on a-head of us . " Oh , what a pity ! " I exclaimed . " See , poor creature , she is deformed companion : something burst out is the laugh matter ing . with I need her scarcely spine . " say that a I nd was of disposed a kind that to r even egard the her levity conduct of youth as outrageousl could scarce y he excuse artless . , by Here a cr uel decree lovely with woman a , physical born to defect dazzle and that deli marred ght , afflicted all her ing char at ms every and , pore doubtless with warm , embittered human her sympath life . y Here at sigh was I , bleed sad - a to spectacle kill herself , and , at here both was of us iddy . I young was monkey about to laug remonstrate hing , as if
My Dear Tomahawk,— Ing Young Perso I N R...
tittering somewhat , harshly , when she found words to say , amidst her mine " She . She is not has deformed got one , of those her things spine on — don ri ' g t you as see yours V " Panniers " What things , do you V mean I asked V , beginning to be enlightened a little . grandmother You know , wore my dear " panniers cousin , ' \ for TOMAHAWK I remember , that our our once common finding bit them of , fun when with we them were . children together , and having a tremendous " No , not panniers , " said my little friend , now beginning to blush she pulled . " Panniers up . are worn at the side , and that . " Here " " Precisel Is worn y , " . " said And , now here both I pulled laug up hing . and blushing . " I height assure of you fashion , you may . " spare your pity , for she is dressed in the said Hal was f-an- quite hour ' s true more . Every experience pretentiou assured sly- me attired that woman what she we met How had otherwise " am precisel I to put y , " it , unless my young I say friend that they expressed had all it . spinal complaints ? What it looked like I scarce know how to laug explain hter holding you , unless none of I its remark sides , that or a it shrug was uncommonl of what I cannot y like , must with be physiolog seen to ical be appreciated accuracy , call ; and shoulders I entertain . But no doubt the thing but we Duke shall of Wellington soon see it ' s statue Piccadill will y . then All no I can longer say be , the that most the comical thing in that famous thoroughfare . Always , my dear Tomahawk , Your affectionate country cousin , The Scalping-knife .
A Word With South-West Lancashire.
A WORD WITH SOUTH-WEST LANCASHIRE .
? Im " . D We Own 'A Wi Turned ' Gladsto...
? " . D We own ' a wi turned ' Gladstone J im out ! . Yes We , down 7 a— wi Dang ' 'im . 'im We . ' Cross a don' and wi ' Turner for iver !" vents Like his a impotent drunken rage bully at , who kicking , when at the side winner has , to been the beaten intense , the delig intense ht of his deli defeated ght of all comrades good Tories , South , has -West dismissed Lancashire , has turned , amid out as unsuited to her and hers , the statesman to whose policy and of defeat princi . ples He victory whom has Eng been land has assured authorised beyond , who the possibility m Ireland has carry accepted out the , whom policy Scotland of justice has and demanded reconciliation , as the , whom leader to United Kingdom—at last united in one common determination — good has enoug called h to for the South front -West with Lancashire an overwhel 1 ming shout , he is not we have , well hea ! We rd all of know mob preferences the fate of a prop before het now in his . " Away n countyj with him And , we the will artizans not have who this have fellow been to hel represent ped in their us . " hard task of feeding their families by the cheapness of bread obtained by his wisdom through the freedo manufacturers m of trade which who have he foug made ht for their ; the fortune gentry the whose commercial articles of treaties luxury that hav e been contended brought for— to all their have doors united by to to s " turn him him out from "— their all have land . used the fortunes he got for them weep " Deserted at his utmost need By those his former bounties feed . " selves But , p so erhaps sober , yo in u yo Lancashire ur habits men that are you rig do ht not after sit all by . tens Your of - thousands so virtuous sotting that eight from out Saturday of every midday fifteen of Sunday your children midnight are ; workh lishme actuall o n y uses t born , that or in gaol wedlock y s 13 ; so per ; distinguished cent so p , of us , your unde as r population scholars your beloved , orators are Estab in , and the - men of science , that your sons are enrolled in the list of European dissolute celebrities , besotted without , irreligious number , muddleh —you do eaded rig , ht stuttering to reject , un the - known Gladstone ! There should be some relation between the yo repre u and sented him . No ; Europe representativ —let alone e ; a the nd United there is Kingdom none between —ap-
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Citation
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Tomahawk (1867-1870), Dec. 5, 1868, page 249, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_05121868/page/11/
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