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February 8, 1868.J THE TOMAHAWK. 61 '
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EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMS. OF A SPECIAL CONSTABLE.
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. . . . Ought I to be a Special ? Well, ...
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PICKING HOLES IN COATES.
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1 Belgravia/ which really scarcely does ...
Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
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Transcript
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Note: This text has been automatically extracted via Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software. The text has not been manually corrected and should not be relied on to be an accurate representation of the item.
Additionally, when viewing full transcripts, extracted text may not be in the same order as the original document.
February 8, 1868.J The Tomahawk. 61 '
February 8 , 1868 . J THE TOMAHAWK . 61 '
Extracts From The Mems. Of A Special Constable.
EXTRACTS FROM THE MEMS . OF A SPECIAL CONSTABLE .
. . . . Ought I To Be A Special ? Well, ...
. . . . Ought I to be a Special ? Well , I don't know . Jawkins of the Treasury says I ought ; but , then , J awkins isn't one himself yet . He ' s going to be . Ah I I dare say . Of course I ought to be ready to protect my wife and children , my home and But my I think hearth Sop , my hia flag mig that ht almost braved , protect and all herself that kind : when of thing she . took took the the rector rector for for a a burglar burglar , coming coming- throug through h the the park park th that at
night from the Dubully ' s dinner , -party ( it was frosty , and Sophia prefers goloshes to the brougham on a frosty night—well , the fact is we don ' t keep a brougham and Nolatnps had let all his clarences out on that night ) , she knocked the reverend gentleman down , though I had to apologize . But of course it is the correct thing . We gentlemen of England have no right to stay at home in ease . Ease ! and I don ' t know how to meet the Christmas bills . But of course the right thing to do is to be sworn-in . Sophia objects to swearing , in or out—but women are so illogical . Am I to be a Special or am I not ? If I am , what good can I do ? Good , indeed ! I presume I can rally with the best ; and if I do rally it will certainlbe with witn the best Dest 1 should snouia not not
tamiy y De xne , , as as I get get much mucn protection protection from the duffers . Good , indeed ! Let the Ferocious Fenians come ! Let the Irish apply ! I shall be ready as soon as my new butler arrives . Livergills was steady and portly—decidedly portly , not -to mention the sherry—but Sophia was informed retiring by the maid to rest , who , never had would it from put the out footman the li , g that ht . Liverg " Put out ills , the on light s and then" ( quotation rather apt ) I put out the butler . My new man was gamekeeper in his younger days , and can crush a pewter pot in his grip . I trust he will not crush too many manv of nfmv my flaslcs flasks of r » f champagne chanrmncm < = » . But " Rut- nnrp once installed in < sf-nl 1 f » r ! _ I T shall shall
be ready for the onset ! , , . . . Sophia has declared against swearing-in . She is not going to have her dear Alexander called out at night to catch his death of cold , and make every thing late the next day , because he won't get up at the proper time . Why , all the servants will give warning . Her Alexander's health is far too 1 precious ... That ! cook is rowing again down stairs—will I speak to her ! Why should Sophia wish me to speak to the cook of all people 1 I have spoken , and so has Norah . Yes , my cook ' s ' name is Norah , and Sophia didn't known she was an Irishwoman . Norah had too evidently been treating herself , if not
her her friends friends , , at at some some house house or or other other more more or or less less public oublic . . Norah Norah was speaking in a most shocking manner of her mistress—let alone her master . I felt it my duty to remonstrate . Norah ' s reply was characteristic . " Ye think I'm dhrunk , now : divil a bit 1 But ye hate me becase I ' m Irish—I know ye do . Yes , but ye do thin ; and I hate you , ye blatherin' idiot ( rather familiar ) as calls yeself masther . Go ! No , bedad , and it ' s meself as will not go . Hooroo for the green ! " Of course my dignity was being compromised , so I left the " young person " who ( so she , from was info descr rm ibed ation received her character , was passing ) , and re short treated ly after . W , was 22 , attracted by smoke issuing in several volumes from the kitchen window . W 22 was admittedand discovered that Norah was
l lvincr ying on on her hf » r b baric ack o n the th *» , kitchen lritrhf » n t frnhlf able * , kicking tirkinor out onf the th «» coals from the grate on to the floor . As several planks of the flooring smoke was were caused in a b blaze y ignition , there is reason to suppose that the ... Sophia is decided . I am to be a special constable . the Well House , really of it Detention is serious . ; and You though see Norah I am may accustomed have friends after in wish eighteen to see years front of married wall taken life , out to and being the blown interior up of , I have , house no in the Illustrated my London News . A great compliment my , no honoured doubt , owing in the to the breach hole "—( in quotation our side , singularl but making y happy one " !) Afore than vine tares to to become
one cares uecomc .. ral . milit . . Practising ary bearing all — d Shoeblack ay sternness ' s remark of deportment decidedl and y invidious a geneb that ecause I look I didn ed like ' t have a Fenian my shoes —can blacked ' t imagine . No why it's . not Of a course riddle . Let me see , could one make a riddle out of , that ? Why is a man I must who leave doesn that ' t have to his cleverer shoes men blacked than like myself a Fenian , —not ? that Well I , couldn't answer it if I liked ; but really such puerile futility for
a man who is about to take an oath for his country and . his commonwealth , while that great enigma of the day , how to exterminate Fenianism 1 remains unanswered . . . . Passed Norah in the street . My deportment stern and my bearing as military as possible on so short a notice . Norah ' s remark the tail of without her petticoat point , that . " C " an Masthers 't imagine like to that whom might she thread referred on . Was AX ^* - < - < nr » lad I # *» * -1 she *• V » ir ± didn * A 1 yl *¦* ' ' t resort - ** £ ^ e * *\ -m * + to 4-r ^ . personalities n *\ + * £ * s ~ iv i \ lif i of
* g . . . . Purchased a life-preserver at the chemist ' s , I mean at the ironmonger ' s . At the chemist ' s took twenty drops of salvolatile , my deportment not feeling as military as convenient in case of meeting my late cook on my return home . . . . Hancock arrived ; his waiting at table slightly suggestive of beating the covers , especially the pewter ones , but highly satisfactory owing to the display of biceps . I give Hancock orders to ring all the bells at three a . m . to give me an opportunity of judging of his punctuality and my own readiness for action . Retire IXWIIIV ^ to blS I rest W ^ b earl V ^ i ijr y , . Sop k ^ V ^ iXLq hia * regrets AW £ ^ XWV « 7 her ineli AliVAt g ^ ibility lUlllV jr 1 for VA swear d TY VU 1 -
ing in . . . . The moment has arrived . I am about to appear before the magistrates . Don ' t weep , Sophia 1 It is a trial , no doubt , but not a judicial one . If I were going to be made a Mason I could not feel more—no , not nervous—solemn is the word which best expresses my feelings—at this momentous moment . Really I don ' t suppose that the oath of the flaming poker will be administered as on those occasions—I mean when Masons are sworn in . Ah 1 you are right . I ought to be a Mason , there is something so nobly charitable in that fine old institution . It isn ' t often Sophia gives me the opportunity of dining out alone . Masons dine together continually . I shall be a Mason . I iwill will wait wdii to iu the luc effect cuctof ux Special Constableism uuaiauicisiiiThat iict
. . . . . . . see ace ^ u opcumi v ^ . . x L is a new word I take it , but eminently useful , and no one can hesitate as to its meaning . Will my conscience allow me to swear ? Sophia says there is no harm , in the cause of patriotism . I never thought of that—I am a Patriot I I may find myself historical before long . I may hear myself spoken of as a second JVat Tyler—no , not Wat Tyler—by the v ; ay , who wa 3 Wat Tyler ? Something to do with the Gordon riots , if my memory of Magnall does not fail me . The press will speak of me as the modern Joan of Arc . " Arc / arc / the ivatch-degs bark " ( quotation more than usually felicitous ) , the watch-dogs being of course the policemen jealous of reputation — " Ezren at
t th h . /> e cannon /•/ y-tt * tyt * ' t s mout * nmjtf h h . 1 f ' ( fit It would wrkiiiH perhaps r »*» rViar my be H ^ better h *» ff < = » r if if I dropped r 1 rr » r » r »*» # -l quotations at present . ) The solemn hour approaches . Before one hour has elapsed I shall be proprietor of a staff . I shall have the Queen ' s authority to make use of it . ... Hancock is without on the front steps . Our brewer is on the point of delivering an eighteen-gallon cask at the door . . . . Not unmindcaution ful of approaching —great caution honours on the , and part conscious of Saxons of generall the necessity y , —I order of Hancock to refuse rnt i admission m ¦* i to the cask in , and conversation _____ to dismiss . not the
month arayman * . . with . . Norah nac Drewers Fenian man was cook . Who knows but he , a may have ago divided the home , ray -brewpd XX with that Gorgonand filled up the cask with petroleum . ! . . , I have done my , duty . is oi not i return
oopnia prouu me . wm sne oe prouuer wnen —a sworn-in Special ! ( To be continued . )
Picking Holes In Coates.
PICKING HOLES IN COATES .
1 Belgravia/ Which Really Scarcely Does ...
1 Belgravia / which really scarcely does justice to the quarter m whence ost malicious it takes attack its name on the , has character opened it of s chaste Romeo column s to a The most disgraceful imputations were free poor ly made by the ignorant and reckless writer on Mr . Robert Coates' private character . These have been most perfectly refuted bv those who
were a growing intimate one friends : certa of in scribblers late gentleman , whose ut This ter ignorance nuisance of is their literary subject ghosts is only graves exceeded of dead by their men presump more or ti le on , s haunt celebrated , like in their life time , , and dig up the corpse , for the purpose of detakixliiuv aui iiv
ng . vv v ; * xlm piiatu ai jjctgr i + ts * t + iiuviiug «• } J < . e , in its columns for one of these pieces of calumnious twaddle . We shall be surprised if they find a place for an apology . Why not , out of compliment to the author of " Circe , " change the name of this notorious magazine to ' Whitechapel ?'
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Citation
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Tomahawk (1867-1870), Feb. 8, 1868, page 61, in the Nineteenth-Century Serials Edition (2008; 2018) ncse.ac.uk/periodicals/t/issues/ttw_08021868/page/9/
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